Page 38 of The Ending is the Best Part
And they kiss.Their first kiss since their youthful romance, when they were running around the palace gardens.I can see it perfectly.A kiss of reunion.A lost love finally brought together again.
I put my hand over my mouth to stifle my gasp.I’m not surprised by this in the context of the story.This is what I had wanted for them from the start.No.I just can’t quite believe that it was Xander who wrote it.A scene filled not with swords and politics, but emotion.Passion.Romance.
I finish reading and think,Wow, the ending is the best part. It’s like Xander has woven every single unspoken feeling between us into this scene, a confession that whatever we had was real and shared.I scroll down to the end of the document.And there, in the margins, Xander has left a comment: ‘Sorry for changing it slightly from what you described.I thought that Layla should know how Atticus feels.’
Xander’s final scene fills me with so much hope.Maybe we can actually get this done by tomorrow morning.And perhaps we can even make something work between us.
I can’t waste another second and so I jump up from the sofa and run to my wardrobe, almost falling face-first tripping on days’ worth of discarded clothes.I yank open the wardrobe and quickly grab the first outfit I can find.I throw on a baby-pink jumper with a pair of blue jeans.Looking in the mirror, I give myself a nod of approval, proud of what I’ve managed to put together under such stress.
I can hear my own heartbeat as I make my way to the door.I will my hand to stop trembling as I reach for the handle.I will go to him and we’ll finish this episode together.I have doubts, of course.Will he really be ready for me?Will he be ready to open himself to love; not only that, to potential hurt too?But the moment I open the door, all my feelings of uncertainty vanish.Because there he is, standing on my front doorstep, the man who has been occupying my thoughts for so long, in all his six-foot-three glory.
He looks gorgeous, one hand leant against the doorway.He’s out of breath, as if he ran here.He wears a pair of worn dark blue jeans and a Strokes T-shirt.
But when I take a closer look at his face, I see the haunted look in his eyes.His hair falls over his brow, but it can’t hide his concerned expression.He straightens slightly and, when his gaze finally meets mine, I’m hit with an invisible force of feeling that’s so strong I have to take a step back.I almost laugh.I’m just like Layla.
‘Oh my God, Xander?What are you doing here?Have you been waiting out here in the cold?’ I shout at him.
He laughs, the sound like music to my ears.God, I missed that sound… I missed him.The smile fades as he looks at me more intently.I have the prickling sense that whatever he’s about to say might change everything.
‘And I would’ve waited for you, however long it took,’ he says, with a gallant look.Despite myself, I feel a flutter in my chest at his Prince Charming declaration.Then, he snorts.‘No, don’t worry.I’m not a stalker.I just got here.’
I nervously chuckle, wiping my hands down the front of my jeans as they start to sweat profusely.Remembering he’s standing out in the cold, I move back, motioning for him to come inside.
‘Did you get my email?’
‘I did, yeah.’
‘And did you see the ending.’
‘Yes.’
‘The whole thing?’
‘Of course.’
He nods, looks down, suddenly shy.‘Sorry, I just couldn’t wait to hear what you thought.About everything.’
Xander walks past me and heads into the room, his eyes drinking up the details of the space eagerly.He takes in my patchwork blanket, my toppling bookshelf that I’ve been promising to organise since I moved in, myHerekerug that myanneannegave to me when I visited her in Turkey last summer, the prints that Maddie and Amira bought me for my birthday.It hits me properly then that Xander is here.In my home.In my personal space.It takes everything in me not freak out.I’m struck by just how much he looks like he belongs here.He fits in.He looks comfortable, more comfortable even than he does at work.
He turns to look at me and takes a small step closer.
‘I’ve been thinking about this,’ he murmurs.He crosses the room so that there is just a metre between us.Then, his voice barely above a whisper, ‘About you.’
‘I’ve thought about us too.’
I move towards him, now only a breath away from him.My hands are hesitant as I lay them on his chest.Time ticks by and we stay like that for a while, suspended in the moment.He breathes deeply, I feel him collect himself and gather his words.
‘I-I’m sorry, Yara.To be honest I didn’t know how to handle this feeling of… it’s something I’ve never quite experienced before.’ He places his hands atop mine, holding them still on his chest.‘And instead of dealing with it, I lashed out.Yes, when you thought the worst of me, it hurt.But if I’m being honest with myself, what have I ever done that would mean you could trust me?I know I can come across arrogant and competitive and ambitious – no wonder you could believe that I would steal your idea.And really, I… I was just using it as an excuse to push you away.But I…’ He breathes in deeply.‘I don’t want to keep pretending, Yara.I’m tired of pretending I don’t have feelings for you.’
He’s breathing heavily, as if the words cause him pain.Then, he sighs and smiles breathlessly, stands taller, relieved.He looks at me with eyes full of need.
‘Xander, I feel the same way and I think that deep down I always have,’ I say, my voice thick with emotion.
His face lights up and his face stretches into a broad, delighted smile.He puts his arms round my shoulders and pulls me into him.My face against his chest, I feel the warmth emanating from him.My heart swells so much that I can barely breathe with the pressure of it.In the last few weeks, I was so scared that this moment would never come.But now that it’s here, I want to hold on to it tightly and never let it go.
Before I have a chance to say anything else Xander releases his hold on me slightly.He leans in and presses his lips gently on mine.Unlike the one in the storage cupboard, this kiss is soft at first, tentative, both of us exploring this new way of being together.Instead of urgent and desperate, this feels like we’re establishing roots, laying the foundations for everything that’s to come for us.
But then it’s like a switch flips and the kiss becomes so much… more.I need it as much as I need my next breath.Our bodies fit together so perfectly, it’s like we’re born for one another.The kind of all-consuming, made-for-eachother romance that Xander said doesn’t exist.But it must, because look at the two of us now.
