Page 26 of The Ending is the Best Part
Xander lets out a loud sigh and turns away from me.I worry I’ve done something wrong.Why did he put the brakes on so suddenly?He turns out his bedside lamp.I’m so conscious of all his movements, the bed wobbling as he adjusts to find a comfortable position to sleep in.
‘I just wanted to say… I had a great time today,’ he says quietly.‘I know you might not feel the same way, but I really like being around you.I like being your friend.’
My heart skips.He has no idea how happy that sentence makes me.I’ve only ever wanted to be Xander’s friend, to have a writing buddy, someone to bounce ideas off.I hate having a work rival, the competition I feel like he forces us into.I try to stay cool, calm and collected.I keep my voice steady.‘It was fun.’
It was more than fun, I know.Being with him in this way, flicking between the ridiculous to the flirtatious, from joking to vulnerable and back again, it feels electric.
I finally put my Kindle away, having made no progress on my book, and turn out my lamp.We lie there in the darkness, our unsaid words hanging between us.I know he’s awake and he knows I am too.It’s an awareness of the other’s energy, as though our thoughts are fizzing from his mind to mine.The room is awake, alive with it.I roll onto my side, and I feel him turn over and pull my body close to his, holding me.In his arms, I can feel his warmth.Who knew Xander, cold as ice in the office, could burn with so much gentleness?In the safety of his embrace, my eyelids begin to droop, the heft of sleep falling heavily on top of me.As I drift off, I hear him whisper, ‘I wish things could be different.’
Chapter Fifteen
Three Weeks Left
My eyes flutter open to the warm sunlight that has filtered through the curtains.I stretch out my arms and a small groan escapes my lips.Yesterday’s events come flooding back to me and the exhaustion from the hike is still throbbing in my bones.That was probably one of the best sleeps I’ve had in a seriously long time.
Waking up in an unfamiliar bed, I blink a few times to get my bearings.Something feelsoff.My gaze darts around the room.It’s too still.There’s no soft breathing next to me, no scuffing of feet across the thick-carpeted floors.The bed is empty.I’m alone.Where the hell is he?
I shoot up from the bed and take a good long look around the room.Has he really done a runner?When nothing even happened?Just a weird almost-kiss.A sharp feeling of panic grips me in a way I didn’t expect.It’s strange, really.How Xander’s unexplained absence makes me feel more vulnerable than I care to admit.
So many different thoughts run through my mind.I try to push the negative ones away.He probably just went out for a walk… Although I, for one, have had more than enough walking.He wouldn’t just leave without telling me…would he?
But then all my worst fears hit me with full force.What if he is just…done, with me, with us?Is there even anus? Does he regret what happened last night?Holding me in my sleep?Telling me he liked my pyjamas?I look down at them now.My stupid pink pyjamas.Was it all a mistake to him?Am I just another awkward situation to run away from?Like he does with everything, with everyone else?
My mind spirals out of control.Each thought bulldozes the next in a frenzy I can’t stop.I furiously rub my face.There has to be an explanation.My hands slam down on the mattress and suddenly my fingers brush against something.
A crumpled piece of paper.
With a frown I hold it up and carefully unfold it.I let out a sigh of relief as I read the words scrawled across the page:
Gone to get brekkie, back soon:)
Xander x
All that panicking was for nothing.Oh, thank God. It’s fine, he’s just gone to get breakfast.My stomach unclenches and I allow myself to close my eyes and sink back into the bed.
I reread the note.For someone so smart he sure does have the handwriting of a little boy.A small smile tugs at my lips.
The events of last night play like a movie in my head.We’d got so close.My heart flutters and my body gives an involuntary shudder remembering how it felt when his gaze deepened as his eyes traced the contours of my hips, my waist.How my breath caught when our limbs had become tangled with one another’s.His soft murmuring voice in the dark.When he said how much fun he’d had, how much he likes spending time with me.
The question though is,Where do we go from here? I don’t know how we’re meant to act together now.Was this just a one-time thing or would it happen again?Would we ever be this way again or when we get back to the office will it be business as usual?Is he agonising over this situation the same way or is he indifferent to the whole thing?Having spent a day with him out of the city, out of work, I know that he’s nowhere near as blasé about things as he pretends to be.
I clamber over the super-king-size bed and grab my phone from the bedside table.Maybe a dose of the real world will give me some perspective.I run through the list of people I could talk to about this.I can’t call my family, not even Elif.They would want to know everything and there is really nothing to tell.Kinda. A few looks, some jokes exchanged, a night spent side by side.I mean, what would I even say?Hey Mum, hey Dad, I’m currently being tortured by inappropriate thoughts of my co-worker who has this weird aversion to love and will probably never see me as anything other than a friend – and if we’re really getting down to it I think friends might be an overstatement.Oh, and also he tried to sabotage my career, which you both hate.Mustn’t forget about that little tidbit.Yeah.Absolutely not.
I decide to talk to my friends instead.I tap on Amira’s name and hit call and then invite Maddie as well.As the phone rings, I bite my lip nervously.
‘Hi, Yara, everything okay?’ Amira’s voice comes through first.Judging by the grogginess in her tone, it sounds like I’ve just woken her up.Her face pops up a millisecond later and my suspicions are confirmed when I see the bleary look in her eyes.A twinge of guilt hits me in the stomach.Maybe I should’ve just waited.Maddie joins the call.
‘Hey, girly, what’s up?’ she says, unusually high-spirited for this time of day.
‘Were… were you with someone?’ I can’t help the curiosity nagging at my brain.It’s the only thing that makes sense.
‘Wha—I… No!Why would you even think that!’ She lets out a forced laugh that increases my suspicions further.It’s clear she doesn’t want to talk about it, so I drop the subject for now.
‘Right… Basically I just woke up.Xander’s gone to get breakfast and I don’t have long to chat before he gets back,’ I say.
Maddie laughs while Amira covers her mouth in shock.‘No way,’ they both say simultaneously.
‘What?’ I ask, surprised.What are they bothno waying at?
