Page 107 of Taming His Vampire Mate
Last came the guilt—crushing and total—as he bolted for the open window, dropped to the darkened street below, and ran into the night. Leaving his brother to die alone.
I knew, without him telling me, that I’d just seen the single worst moment of his life. Worse even than when Magnus destroyed Nicolas in front of him—because back then, he hadn’t fully understood. That horror had come later, in stages, as he learned what his brother had become.
This was worse because it was final. It was the ultimate act of betrayal, no matter his intentions.
It was something he could never take back.
I’ve got you,I told him.I’m right here beside you. You aren’t alone.
Thierry didn’t reply, but I felt him curl into me, letting me shield him from memories he couldn’t bear to see again. The grief and shame felt like they might snap him in two—might snap usbothin two.
Because it wasn’t justhisgrief anymore. It was mine. Somehow, even though I’d never met his brother, I loved him too. And I’d lost him, just like Thierry had.
Then, as quickly as it had come, the vision melted away, revealing the forest outside Crescent Springs. I saw my first shift on my thirteenth birthday, under the silvery light of the full moon.
Ian was there. He hadn’t shifted yet, but he was watching me, grinning from ear to ear, even though it would be years before either of us admitted—or even understood—our feelings for each other.
Lindsey was there too, with the rest of the pack. The storm of anxiety and fear was suddenly overpowering—like I was back in that moment, wondering if I might not be able to shift at all.
Thierry was beside me, a warm hand on my back, reassuring me everything would be okay.
The vision flowed into scenes of Ian and me older—our fumbling boyish attempts to court each other, then learning for the first time how to love another man. Quiet, perfect moments outside our shared cabin, Ian at his easel, painting with his face all scrunched up in concentration, while I drank beer and teased him for being so serious.
It hurt to see these memories again. Even with Thierry beside me, even with what I felt for him now, it was still a raw wound, something that had never fully healed—a piece of myself I could never get back.
Because that’s what happened,Thierry murmured.You grew up with Ian. You loved him. And how you feel about me doesn’t change that.He paused.That’s a good thing, Jeremy. It’s a gift that you loved him so much.
Then the visions darkened. That awful night I’d found Ian, broken and alone, eyes vacant—lost to me forever. The way I’d shattered, everything good inside me imploding in an instant. Half-crazed with grief. Then the night I’d commanded my pack to go after James. Thierry saw every bit of it.
The clearing where James finally convinced me to let him and the vampire leave without violence. The moment I recognized what I’d been about to do, and understood James wasn’t a life raft at all. He was a mirror, showing me who I had become.
But you didn’t do it,Thierry’s voice whispered between us, firm and kind.You chose correctly in the end. Because that is who you are.
I wanted to believe that. I wasn’t sure I did.
That’s okay. You will, eventually.
Flashes of the empty, endless days after—me in wolf form, lurking in the woods, far from the others. My grief, my guilt, my need to get away, crushing me, smothering me. And even when they shifted too, when they searched for me, I ran. I couldn’t be trusted.
And your pack forgave you enough to go after you.
You understand, though, don’t you? Why I ran.
Thierry’s grief at seeing his brother was still palpable.Yes. Of course I do.
The visions faded, and the room—dim though it was—felt too bright. And colder than it should have been after the warmth of our shared mental space. Somehow, we’d come apart, his head resting on my chest. The bite on my neck had already healed.
Can you still hear me?I wondered.
“Yes,” Thierry murmured, his breath cool against my chest. “Loud and clear.”
“Do you regret it?”
Not for a moment,he replied silently, his conviction strong. Aloud, he added, “I’ve been running all my life. Even after Magnus.” He paused. “I met Nathaniel and saw what he was trying to do. I stayed to help him, but I still ran in all the ways that mattered.”
“You didn’t want to get hurt again.”
“Yes.”
