Page 119 of Free Heart
Has she stolen the laughter from Mama’s voice? Has she taken the shine from my dad’s eye? No…we’re all just growing. We’re all just changing and learning and expanding. We’re all just becoming more and more of who we are.
“He sure has a charming way of speaking when he gets going, doesn’t he? It’s the getting going that he doesn’t seem to do too much of.” She smiles. “Except he sure had plenty to say when I met him in the airport. All about you.”
I lift my brows. “Oh?”
“Yes, about how proud he is of you.”
I blink and, for a moment, I don’t believe her. “But why would he be? I haven’t done anything with my life.”
“What’s this bull-honky now? You’ve done a hell of a lot for a man of your age. You’ve traveled across the country, set up here, started your own little classes created by your own inspired vision. Everyone here loves you. You’ve touched so many hearts. The kids at Tater Tots think you’re the greatest grown-up they know.”
“I don’t know about that,” I say. “Some of them think Dan is pretty cool. Jeanie wants to be like him, and Jeremiah too.”
“Do you think a man has to go climb some enormous rock to have done something extraordinary?”
“Of course not.”
“Do you think you need to earn a million dollars? Or save an injured dolphin? Or own a house? Or hit some other always-out-of-reach goal before you’re a man to be proud of?” She puts her hands on her hips. “Can’t just being a beautiful person with a heart of gold be enough?”
I snort. “You sound like Dan. Heisyour son after all.”
She smiles. “He’s the son of my heart. I adore him. But he’s got nothing on you when it comes to having a whole heart to give—despite having had yours so terribly broken when your mama passed.”
“Peggy Jo, have you been drinking?” It’s a rhetorical question. I know she has. I watched her down two beers before dinner and two glasses of wine during the meal, and a whiskey when it was over. Her eyes are slightly glassy from the alcohol, and her cheeks glow with a pink that isn’t solely from the snow and cold.
She ignores the question. “Tell me this—do you really think your father isn’t proud as snot to call you his son?”
I stay silent long enough for her to put her arms around me and give me a hug, pull back and take both of my hands.
“If he’s so proud of me and likes me so much, why has he been so distant these past years? I’ve felt like…” I shake my head. “I’ve wondered if he thought of me as just my mom’s son, or like maybe I make him feel worse by being a reminder of what we had before she died.”
“What’d you have that you don’t have now?”
I sound like a little kid when I say, “A family.”
“You need to tell him this.”
“No,” I whisper. “I can’t. I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Silly boy, he adores you. Tell him,” she urges.
I shake my head again.
“Yes, tell him before he leaves.”
“Are you going with him?” I ask.
Peggy Jo tilts her head, considering. “I wanted to talk with you about that because I don’t want to hurt you. So, be honest, Sejin—would you rather I stay here with you and Dan? Or should I go back to Georgia and try to suck up to Bella’s piece of shit boyfriend so I can sneak back into Mimi’s life? Or is it okay if I go support your dad while he does a really tough thing? I could usehis encouragement too in dealing with the realization that my daughter has made some really piss-poor life choices.” Her voice quavers slightly.
“I’m sorry, Peggy Jo. About Bella. I’m okay with you and my dad. I really am. The house—” I break off, trying to strengthen my voice. “The house hurts. I can’t go back with him because I need to stay with Dan. But knowing I won’t get to say goodbye to it either? I don’t know. I’m feeling a lot of things, but none of it’s about you. You should go with him. At least you’ll be on the same side of the country if Bella comes to her senses.”
Peggy Jo pulls me into a hug. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you, Sejin, but I’m so grateful to you.”
“You’re grown-ups. You don’t need my permission.”
“I’m talking about Dan, sweetheart. You are the best thing that’s ever happened in his life, and it brings me such peace to know that—” It’s her turn to break off, clear her throat, and try again. “If the worst happens, I’m at peace knowing that he knew real love. That he had this beautiful time with you.”
My own throat tightens. “Morbid, Peggy Jo.”
