Page 104 of Crash Course Omega
I laugh as he trails off, waving his trophy up in the air as people start to swarm around him.
“Shall we go?” I ask Maddock, and he nods, his eyes filled with longing, and regret. I want him to be able to celebrate this moment, and not get wrapped up with me. But if that’s what he needs to feel like a real champion, then I'm here for him all the way.
Harmony
Now that Maddock and I have both had a shower and we’re sitting next to each other at the end of his hotel bed, things are getting awkward. Even though we said we would talk, we walked back to the hotel mostly in silence. Apart from people stopping Maddock to congratulate him, which he brushed off in his usual way.
I showered for too long as I tried to sort through my thoughts and figure out what I really wanted. I know I want to be his omega, I want to mate and to be a pack with the three of them, but we aren’t going to be able to do that if there isn’t space for us to grow together.
“I think this is the first time we’ve been alone together where we’re not angry at each other,” I say, jokingly. But it doesn’t land. He just sits there with his fingers knotted, staring at the floor, his legs are spread open, and his scent flows through the room.
“Or, at least, I’m not angry,” I say, trying to sound positive, but it doesn’t seem to work.
I reach out, touching his arm, and he flinches like he didn’t expect me to actually want to be near him.
“Maddock, we can't come here to talk and then you don't say anything.”
He sighs heavily and then looks up at me, and I soften instantly. But that’s more because his pheromones seep out of him and brush over me. My omega senses burst to life at being so close to my alpha, especially when his hair’s still wet and he looks so fresh and tasty.
“I still can’t believe I almost lost you,” he says roughly, taking my hand between both of his, lifting my fingers to his lips and kissing me so delicately that I move toward him instantly.
It’s more painful sitting so close to him and not molding my body against his than it is not being in the same room as him.
It’s hard to remember that it’s only been two days since the crash. Maddock and Jaxx have been so busy with the qualifying races and all of the build up to the Grand Prix, that I was mostly left to myself. Jacob point blank refused to let us meet with each other so that we didn’t mess up the races, but it means that we haven’t had a chance to clear the air.
“When the car was spinning and I knew I was going to crash, the only thing I could think was that we hadn’t resolved things between us. I just thought that if I’d made time for you, maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so much when I woke up.”
He sighs again, releasing my hands to wrap his arms around me and pull me in close.
I ease in next to him, and I might have just curled up against him and fallen asleep with him if we’d been in any other kind of situation.
“I don’t want to live a life without you,” he says, pressing his lips to the top of my head. “I can’t bear to think what might happen if we aren’t mates.”
I squeeze my eyes closed. I’ve tried to tell him so many times about what I felt and what happened, both before we broke up, and afterwards. So, is he really going to listen to me this time?
“I need an alpha who can support me, Maddock. I have to be with someone who’s going to have my back no matter what I do.”
“I'm sorry I realized too late that I didn't do that for you before. If I'd just taken more time for us… If I hadn't taken you for granted…”
I lean back from him, looking up at him, searching his face to see if he understands.
“And you assumed I would wait around for you forever.” I sighed. “It’s not that I never felt supported. It’s just that you kept being my teacher even when we fell in love. We were never equals, Maddock. You were always in charge, and you always knew best.”
He pauses, like he's actually considering what I’m saying instead of instantly defending himself. I need him to listen to me, and to meet me half way. Because I’ve already admitted my part in it. I know that I shouldn't have just left that way, and that I hurt him, but our relationship was a two way street.
“You’re right,” he says softly. “I knew you were right back then, but I couldn’t stop myself.” He shakes his head. “I’d seen too many people hurt, and what happened the other day is exactly what I was scared of.”
“That’s why I was so shocked that you didn’t support me leaving racing. Because I knew that, but it was like you thought I was leaving you or something,” I lift my hand to his cheek,holding him gently, turning his face to me. “And, I never said that at all. I just didn’t want to be trapped in my family’s lifestyle, and I couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t support me.” My brow furrows along with his. “That’s why I left, Maddock. It wasn’t just the pressure of the racing, it’s the pressure that you put on me.”
He reaches up to grip my hand, holding me, his thumb pressing against the bite mark that is almost healed.
“I was an idiot back then. I just assumed I knew everything about you, and I couldn't handle you doing anything out of my control. It was only after you left did I realize how crazy it was.” He kisses my hand as he looks at me. “The parts of you I love the most are the ones that set you free. And if you can't be free with me, then I don't deserve to be with you.”
I'm giving in too easily. I still want to be angry or upset with him, to make a point not to forgive him just because I missed him so much, but it's hard when he's actually talking about his feelings.
“And I didn’t know where our lives were going from there,” he says. “I mean, you know what kind of lifestyle we have. I was sure if you became an actress, you’d be more interested in filming movies, and you’d never have time for me. Why would you want to be with someone who can’t even spend a weekend with you because I’m always training or racing?”
I’m already edging closer to him. I can’t say it’s completely unconscious, because my omega senses are telling me to bury myself in my alpha’s chest so I can drown in his scent. Before I know it, I’m already rubbing myself against him, softening the pain for me as I dive into these things I kept bottled up for so long.
