Page 68 of Crash Course Omega
“What happened to him?” I ask. But he stays silent, watching the sun for long enough that we see it move an inch higher behind the tall buildings of the skyline.
“It’s so weird how fast it is, you know?” he says eventually. “Those actor friends of yours, they were laughing about how it wouldn't be hard to drive the cars, but it’s like a bolt of lightning. One second you’re talking and joking with your best friend. And then, suddenly, you’re watching them being carted into an ambulance, and you just know you’re never going to see him again.”
“Jaxx…” Sorrow fills my voice as I edge closer to him.
“And we were a good team, you know?” He blows out a heavy breath. “We wanted to race for the same team, but he got an offer from the Cuba Libres, and we decided we’d give it our all as competitors. But then he just took a corner too fast. His car flipped, his head got stuck at the wrong angle, and the fire was too much. And that was that.”
But his voice cracks hard, and his hand trembles so much that it’s obvious that isn’t the end.
I edge in closer, wrapping my arms around him, and he buries himself in my chest. Our scents mix as he sighs, leaning againstme. And my heart gently eases to know that I can help him like this. Like how an omega helps her alpha.
A few deep breaths and his fingers dent my skin as I hold him. He finally clears his throat.
“Yeah, so, when Maddock drives like that, all I see is how Carl went over.” He lifts his head to meet me with a hard gaze. “Every single time Maddock tries to kill himself just to get to that number one spot, I want to shout at him for being so stupid. And it’s not worth it. It’s never been worth it.”
“Why do you keep driving if you don’t think it’s worth it?”
“Because I made that promise. And I never want to win a race, so I'll always be trying to keep that promise, and I’ll just keep going forever until I’m forced to retire.”
“You might be the only racer in the world that doesn’t want to win,” I say.
He shakes his head, his throat bobbing as he swallows.
“Because I saw the way Carl's pack and his family collapsed after he was gone. I can't do that to my mom or my brothers. Or to you.”
He edges even closer, his gaze filled with more meaning that either of us can say. But I can’t give him a real answer yet. I know want to explore our relationship, but I can’t promise him forever.
So, I try to change the direction of the conversation.
“But there’s nothing like it, is there?” I ask, thinking of how much I struggled when I first quit driving. It was like I'd lost a part of myself. The world didn't sit right the year after I quit. But acting helps numb that desire.
“Racing down that track with you reminded me how much I love to drive. I won’t come back, but it’s like it’s ingrained in my body. I want to keep flying along the track because there’s nothing faster or freer than the race.”
“But that’s what scares me, sweetheart. If I make one wrong move out there, it’ll all be over, and I might never get my life back.”
“Then just stop. Race another way, do something less dangerous. You know about Jacob’s crash, and how he got his limp? It was the same thing—he went too fast, he lost control, and his legs were crushed. And that was it.” My face falls as I remember seeing him in a hospital bed tied up to machines, scared every time he went to sleep because it could have been the last time I saw him smile.
“That was one of the reasons I quit. Because I saw his injuries, and I didn’t want to end up like that.”
Jaxx shudders as he lets go of my calf and leans into my hold again as he wraps his arms around me.
“The idea of you ending up like that freaks me out so much. I don’t think I could handle it if you ever got hurt.”
My face creases as all the feelings I had with Maddock back when we dated flare up again. It feels like the same kind of protectiveness that he had, where Maddock criticized everything I did, like he didn’t want me to race at all.
“Is that why you let Maddock pass?” I ask him. My fingers unconsciously twisted through his hair, stroking him softly over the ears and neck, holding him close and gently breathing with him. I can’t take away his pain, but I can hold him close enough that, hopefully, it will make it easier.
“No, that’s why I drive in front of Maddock. He likes to blame me for his losses, but I’m keeping him safe like that.”
I pause at his words, my brow furrowing in confusion. “Maddock’s been driving on these tracks since he was seventeen, Jaxx. Even without you, he's on the podium more often than not. It’s not your responsibility to keep him safe.”
He leans back to look at me, confusion splashed over his face.
“But he’s my teammate. We have to take care of each other.”
I shake my head. “No, it doesn’t work like that. If Maddock gets hurt, that’s on him. It’s got nothing to do with you unless you’re the one who crashes into him.”
I believe Maddock used to feel that way about me, even though he never said it out loud. He acted like if I crashed, then it was his fault. And if he corrected every little thing I did, then he wouldn't be to blame.
