Page 6 of My Favorite Secret
“I don’t care. He can’t keep acting like this. Stay here. Or maybe find us some food to eat with the movie. I won’t be long.”
Tyler pulls me closer. “Let me talk to him. I only see you once a week and I don’t want him to upset you and ruin our night.”
He’s right, Felixwillruin my mood. We haven’t spokenin so long. I can’t remember the last time I saw Felix. I should do as Tyler says and stay put, but I can’t. The desire is too strong to merelylookat Felix. I hate admitting it to myself, but I miss him. Perhaps it’s wishful thinking but I need to see if the boy from my childhood still exists in some form.
“I’ll be fine. Seriously,” I tell Tyler.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.” He groans, reluctantly letting me go, and reaches for his laptop. “Entering damage control mode. I’ll turn the movie off and put on some ballet shit for us to watch when you return.”
Even when Tyler is frustrated, he still manages to make me smile. He really is perfect. He’s the best friend I could ever have.
The moment I exit Tyler’s bedroom, temptation leads me across the Blackwood penthouse to where the music is loudest. I’m not surprised to find chaos when I arrive in the living room. All the furniture has been pushed to the outskirts. Felix and his friends are sitting in a circle on the ground, playing spin the bottle.
I’m electrified being in his presence again, in both a positive and negative way. Each time I cross paths with Felix, it’s a shock to see how his appearance has changed. Tonight, he’s dressed all in black. He wears a hoodie pulled over his head, with blond hair poking through. His shoulders are broader than I remember. He’s taller too. So tall that it’s intimidating compared to my petite frame.
A girl spins the bottle and everyone cheers when it lands on Felix. He takes a swig of his drink and grabs the girl’s hand with his left hand—his scarred hand that always fit perfectly around mine—and leads her away from the game. Bitterness spreads through my chest. Felix doesn’t spare a glance in my direction as he passes me.
Before I can stop myself, I do the most idiotic thing and speak, my voice revealing how jealous I am. “Felix, stop. What are you doing?”
The girl looks down at me, turning up her nose. We’re dressed nothing alike. I’m drawn to soft colors, living and breathing delicate and dreamy ballerina fashion. My dress is baby blue, made of silk and chiffon. She has a gothic vibe, covered in black from head to toe. Even her hair is black and she’s wearing thick eyeliner.
“He’s taking me back to his room for Seven Minutes in Heaven,” she says.
I’ve heard of the game. Though I shouldn’t care, it makes me sick to think of Felix doing anything with this girl. “Felix, you can’t do this.”
Finally, Felix acknowledges me with a lazy glance. He raises his drink to his lips, smirking around the rim. The way he looks at me sends shivers down my spine. Something in his eyes is dangerous yet beautiful at the same time. I hate that he has such a hold on me.
“Want to take her place instead?” His voice is deeper than Tyler’s and filled with cruel amusement. “I’ll happily bring you back to my bedroom.”
I glare at him, hating how he mocks me. Hating that deep down there’s a part of me that wants to forsake my beliefs about waiting for marriage and be the girl in Felix’s bed.
“Your dad may not care what you get up to, but my mom will,” I say. “She’ll be here soon to pick me up. Do you know how much trouble you’ll be in when she sees this party?”
The girl laughs. “Felix, who is this kid?”
His focus remains on me with that same lazy gaze andamused smile, like I’m some little doll he can bend and break for fun. “She’s no one.”
Those words hurt more than they should. I’m so mad at Felix for dismissing me, I can feel myself burning up.
The girl keeps laughing. “Oh my god, look how red she’s turning. Does this kid have a crush on you or something?”
“Watch out,” Felix says to her without taking his eyes off me. “She looks sweet but she’ll scratch your face if you get too close to me. Go to my room. I’ll meet you there in a minute.”
More humiliation floods me, remembering the ridiculous ways I acted as a child. The worst part is I feel that familiar urge within me right now, to rip this girl away from Felix and claw at her face. I want to see her bleed. But I’m not that girl anymore.
I’mnotthat girl. I chant the words in my head, afraid of how I need to convince myself.
I’m a good person and my parents are proud of me. Violence is never the way. Felix is trying to bring up the past to embarrass me.
As soon as the girl leaves, all amusement vanishes from Felix’s eyes. His gaze is harsh upon me. Even vicious. I used to trust that he’d never hurt me. Now, I don’t know what he’s capable of. I step back to get away from him, gasping when I bump into the wall.
Felix places a hand on either side of my head, trapping me. The music is so loud I can feel it vibrating through my body, yet the sensation is overridden with fear. Felix is so close I can smell the alcohol on his breath. His voice is low and sharp. A hiss. His green eyes have never been more frightening. “Listen closely. I don’t give a shit about what your mother walks in and sees. What’s the worst anyonecan do—ground me? Yell at me? I don’t give a fuck about consequences. I certainly don’t give a fuck aboutyou.”
“I know.” I hold eye contact, trying to sound fierce despite how fast my heart is racing. “You used to care about me. That’s clearly changed.”
His gaze roams my face, searching for something. Whatever he finds makes his lips twitch. His voice shifts into something smug. “That girl was right. Look how red you’re turning over me. I care about that. You’re so flustered. You sure you don’t want to take her place in my bed?”
My heart pounds faster at the thought. I’m sick for wishing the invitation was genuine. I don’t know what would happen if I went with Felix to his room. Part of me wants to find out. The other part is too scared. I try to push him away but he’s too strong and laughs.
