Page 31 of My Favorite Secret
“Nothing you’d be pleased to hear about.” Meeting up with a few people at a bar in town to sell eclipse.
“Felix, this needs to stop. I thought things might have slightly improved between us since arriving at the beach house. I’m trying to give you a fresh start. You’re not working with me at all.”
“Stop trying to fix me.” I turn back to Clara, frustrated at how this woman can’t take a hint to leave me alone. “I’m not your problem and I don’t need to be fixed. I don’t need help from anyone. The thing I’ve learned about thisworld is that I’m on my own and nobody has my back except me.”
“You’re not on your own. You’re a son to me. I love you as I love Harper. You’re ruining your life and I can’t stand to see it. Please, let me help you. Let me love you as my child.”
I’m shaken for a moment, hearing the wordlove. It’s been spoken so little to me in my life.
But there’s no part of me that wants to change, even if Clara does love me. I like this new life I’ve created for myself. The best part about it is no one can hurt me. No one can abandon me because I’m not reliant on anyone for anything.
My lips twitch, amused over Clara’s situation. I fold my arms and lower my voice, attempting to hold back from laughing, “Your daughter has turned against you. Your marriage is strained. You’re trying to fix me, but I have no intention of changing. Ask yourself, is it worth the effort?”
“Yes,” she answers without hesitation. “Harper will come around. My husband doesn’t agree with me, but he supports me. That’s the thing about family, they always have your back.”
“Not my experience with family. Not my experience with you, either. You didn’t have my back the first time I slipped up. I don’t want your motherly guidance and love. I can take care of myself.”
“You’re afraid of letting people get close because you’ve been hurt in the past. You know how to hold a grudge, Felix. You see it as a strength that protects you, but I promise you, it’s your greatest weakness.” Her voice wavers with emotion.
She searches through her handbag for something. “I can see we’re getting nowhere with this discussion. I’ll have to find some other way to pick Harper upfrom ballet. Do your schoolwork. Make sure you’re here for dinner. And Felix? I don’t care if you don’t want my love. You have it and I’m not giving up on you.”
Clara pulls an envelope from her handbag and places it on the table. “This is for you. Please take care of it.”
Before I have the chance to tell Clara I don’t want whatever is inside that envelope, she threads her arm through her handbag, grabs her keys, and leaves the pool area.
Ocean Breeze Grill is a nice waterfront restaurant where no eyes wander to the corner booth I’m occupying with a clean-cut young man. It’s quiet here, early afternoon. I exchange a small bag of eclipse for a large pile of cash with the gentleman, then he slides out, leaving me alone with my drink.
I tuck the cash into the inside pocket of my jacket, noticing Clara’s envelope beside it.
Please take care of it.
Having no clue what she would trust me with, I open the seal, finding a handwritten letter inside, along with a photograph.
Felix,
This is the only photo I have of your mother. I loved her dearly and the photo is very precious, but I think it will be better off with you. Take care of it.
Love,
Clara
I’ve seen a few photographs of my mother over the years, but there aren’t many. I pull the photo out of the envelope. It’s one I’ve never seen before, of my mother heavily pregnant with Dan, smiling at the photographer while hugging me, Tyler, and Killian. It would have been taken only days before she passed away.
My chest grows heavy with sadness over the loss of my mother and how she was taken from me too soon. What I would give to speak to her one more time, as a man. To know what kind of woman she was.
Clara said I have my mother’s sense of humor. If that’s true, and Clara was her best friend, Claralikedthat side of her… Clara can’t really be all that bad.
Guilt hits me. I sigh, rubbing a hand over my jaw, knowing I’ve been too harsh on Clara. I don’t want to like her, but there’s no denying how thoughtful the gift of this photograph is.
And yet, as much as I appreciate the gift, it feels wrong keeping it for myself.
I’ll give it to Dan.
At least Tyler and I have memories of our mom. Killian had her for a year. Dan has nothing except guilt. Despite what I tell him, he blames himself for our family falling apart and believes our father resents him for Mom’s death. I don’t know how our father feels, but he does nothing to alleviate Dan’s concern.
I pull out my phone and send Clara a message.
FELIX:Thank you for the photo. It will be kept in good hands. I was harsh on you during our argument. I’m sorry. Don’t rush home from the city. I’ll pick up Harper from ballet. When you return, I’d like to hear your stories about my mother, if you’re willing. Perhaps we can find common ground through her.
