Page 128 of My Favorite Secret
His words hit a raw nerve. I’ve had mixed feelingstoward my father lately, wishing he’d never sent Felix to Westbridge, frustrated with him for involving me in the cover-up of Paul’s death, and asking me to conceal the truth from Harper and my brothers. Then the complete opposite—sheer gratitude that he’s keeping Felix from jail.
Now, he tells me he’s proud of me. They’re words I’ve wanted to hear from him for so long. Now that I have those words, his approval doesn’t feel as I expected. I’d worked up some fantasy that if my father were proud of me, all would be fixed between us. That I’d see him more. That I’d feel fulfilled and his absence in the past would no longer matter.
But nothing has been fixed and all I’m filled with is a strange melancholy.
“Has Harper accepted your marriage proposal?”
“Not yet. She needs time to think. I would be with her right now, but Thomas asked me to leave. Please don’t say anything about this to anyone.”
“You have my word. You’re not in this alone, son. I’ll be here for you in whatever way you need.”
My father has never been around, we don’t have the kind of relationship I want, perhaps we never will, but he’s made one thing clear. He said it on the night Felix was taken away. It’s only truly sinking in now thatI’mthe one in need.
No matter how much trouble and stress you boys cause me, you are all my sons and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe.
“Thank you,” I tell him.
“I suppose you’re wanting your mother’s engagement ring?”
If Harper and I are to marry, I can’t think of anythingmore appropriate than my mother’s ring on her finger. “The deal was I’d only get her ring if I’m accepted into Columbia.”
He laughs softly. “Your situation with Harper calls for an exception. Don’t you think? Besides, a large envelope from Columbia recently arrived with your name on it. They don’t send large envelopes with rejections.”
My smile is bittersweet. What’s bound to be an acceptance letter from Columbia should make me happy, yet all I can think of are my plans with Felix to open our speakeasy.
I don’t see how any of those plans can happen now. What I wish, more than anything, is a chance to speak with Felix so I can explain everything—that just because I got Harper pregnant and have proposed to her doesn’t mean I want the three of us to end. I’m not trying to take her from him. Harper is his entire world too. She belongs to both of us. She always will, even if she becomes my wife.
But I doubt Felix will accept this new dynamic when he returns. All three of us are supposed to be equals in this relationship. As much as I can try to include him, and as much as Felix may try to be supportive, there’s no ignoring that the baby will bemychild. Harper will bemywife. Not his. He’ll feel the disconnect.
Harper asked me how I’d feel if the roles were reversed between me and Felix. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t let it ruin anything. I want to believe I would be understanding and supportive. But I know I’d feel resentment toward my brother. Without a doubt, I’d be jealous.
I’m going to lose Felix and it fucking kills me. I love him as much as Harper. I’ve been trying so hard to keep us all together. But now that Harper is pregnant, my priorities must change so that she is supported in every way sheneeds. I hate doing this to Felix, but I have to accept that when he returns, there’s a very large likelihood the three of us will no longer be together.
CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX
HARPER
Monday afternoon, I arrive at the academy for rehearsals. The lead inSwan Lakeis still mine. The doctor says my stomach won’t be showing for a few months. No one needs to know.Swan Lakeis another six weeks away. If I can just make it to performance night, perhaps all won’t be lost for my career.
As I climb the steps to the academy, I try to be present and focus on ballet, but my head isn’t here. The weekend was a nightmare, with my father refusing to talk to me other than when forcing the idea of marriage upon me. I haven’t told him Tyler has already proposed. If I decide to marry Tyler, I want it to be because of my own choosing, not because my father is forcing me into it.
Tyler and I spoke on the phone each night. He’s being very sweet, doting on me and asking if there’s anything I need. Comfort food, fluffy slippers, a goodnight kiss. He says he’ll drop everything and bring me whatever I need, any hour of the day.
He tells me we have his father’s support, which is a shock to hear. Tyler says I never have to worry aboutfinances, as he has his trust fund, and he’ll take care of everything from here on out.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about his marriage proposal over the weekend, and during the odd moment when I’m not scared out of my mind about this pregnancy, I have moments of happiness, imagining a future with him.
And then I think about Felix and my happiness is ripped to shreds.
Fuck Felix.
He abandoned me.Again. I want to scream. Where the fuck is he when I need him? What the fuck is he doing?
I was so stupid to believe my heart would be safe with him. Instinct told me he was too good to be true, and yet I still let myself fall so deeply in love with him.
I shake Felix from my mind, inhaling the familiar scent of rosin as I push through the academy’s entrance. Piano music trails from one of the studios. This place always feels like home, but the second I step inside, something is off.
There’s a weight in the air. The usual chatter from students dims as I walk along the corridor. Heads turn, just enough for me to catch the flicker of eyes before they snap away.
