Page 82 of Fake Dating Daxton Hawk
Fuck, I love her. She’s so selfless and caring andwaytoo good for me.
I watch Jordan follow Amabella and Josh out of the restaurant. As much as I don’t want to be apart from Jordan, a long-awaited discussion is needed with my mother, so I cut to the chase.
“What are the doctors doing to help you?”
She rolls her eyes and sends me a humorous warning glance. “Have you forgotten your cousin Charlie’s warning? He wasn’t joking. I’ll bitch-slap you if you treat me like a sick person—”
“Mom, this isn’t funny. I’m being serious. What is your treatment plan?”
She rests an elbow on the table and sighs, giving in to me. “Daxton, there is no treatment plan.”
Frustrated by her answer, I lean forward, pressing her for more information. “Why not? Is money an issue? I have plenty of it to secure any treatment you need.”
She takes my hands in hers, her voice at peace. “Money won’t fix what’s wrong with me.”
“But you at least have to try—”
“And what? Live out my remaining months sick from chemo? I want to enjoy what time I have left.”
I groan, not liking her answer at all. But I do understand.
“It’s also my wish that my family doesn’t see me when I’m sick.”
“Mom, no. You can’t go through this alone. I’ll be here for you.”
“No, you most certainly will not be. I want you to remember me like this. Lively and happy. Not when I’m at my worst. And while we’re on the topic, I don’t want any tears at my funeral. No one is to dress in black. No mention of your father. There’ll be hip hop music with tons of swear words in it. People will be smiling over memories of me. My life is a celebration.”
We laugh together, my vision blurring with tears. This is the tough woman I know. The woman who disappeared for a while when my father was at his worst, but at her core she has always been strong-willed and set in her ways.
The tears come heavier when it sinks in that my mom is really going to leave this world, and I’ve wasted the last three years being angry at her. I pull her into my arms and hug her as tight as I can.
The two of us remain like this for I don’t know how long. A few songs finish before Mom wipes her thumb across the corner of my eyes to dry them. “These are the last tears you will cry for me. Promise me.”
With reluctance, I nod. As for leaving Mom alone in the end, I can’t promise her that. But we don’t need to argue that topic right now.
“I’m so sorry about how our family fell apart. I know what Brad and Felicity did was heartbreaking, and I never wanted to make you feel like I don’t support you—”
“Mom, I don’t want to talk about this. It seems so petty compared to everything else happening. I’m not about to embrace my relationship with Brad and Felicity, but I’ve accepted them as a couple. Some day in the future, we’ll be okay. You and I are okay too.”
She smiles and there’s so much warmth within it. “Daxton, I’m so relieved to hear you say that.” Mom fans her glassy eyes and laughs. “Now, onto more important topics before I cry. How serious are you about this girl of yours?”
The first response to enter my mind is that I’m in love with Jordan, but the answer feels sour when I think about the current state of our relationship. I sigh, running a tense hand through my hair. “I love her. Jordan is it for me. But… things are complicated.”
“I don’t know if you’re afraid to be vulnerable with Jordan because of what happened with Felicity, but you need to let all of those issues go. Don’t let your past ruin your future. Life is too short to be hung up on the bullshit.”
I stare at an empty wine glass on the table, tracing the rim with my finger. “It’s not the past that’s the issue. I… There’s information about myself that I haven’t shared with Jordan. I never found the right moment to tell her or how to tell her. Now… I’m too deep into our relationship to reveal the truth and still keep her. I have so much fear within me because I can’t fathom my life without Jordan.”
Mom gently places her hand over mine on the wine glass, ceasing my movement. When I look up, there’s a gentle smile on her face and her voice is like a warm hug. “The right moment to tell Jordan the truth is now. Whatever this secret is, Jordan may have difficulty hearing it, but I can see that she loves you. She might need time to process the information, you might lose her for a little while, but she’ll come back to you.”
I gulp down the lump in my throat. “She won’t come back to me, Mom. I have lied and betrayed her trust.”
“Then your relationship was never meant to be. If you love something, set it free. If it returns to you, it will be yours forever.”
I take a shaky breath, knowing deep within me that Mom is right. The way things are between me and Jordan right now… I’ve already lost her. Fear has made me grasp onto something precious, scared it will vanish. But in turn, I’ve smothered it until barely anything is left.
Waiting to tell Jordan the truth in New York will make things easier for her, but I can’t keep delaying the inevitable, especially not when she’s already so hurt. If I’m being honest with myself, the location excuse is a valid concern but doesn’t outweigh the need for the truth.
I kiss Mom on the cheek and stand up. “Where are you going?” she asks.
