Page 112 of Unveil
He takes my silence as encouragement, continuing, “And if anyone ever does make you feel embarrassed, I’ll fuck them up. Having a disorder ain’t nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I’m not embarrassed about having bipolar disorder,” I insist, but my eyes drop to the fire. “That’s not it.”
“Then what is it? Come on, baby, talk to me.”
I bite my lip, then release it slowly.
“I was embarrassed because… I’ve neverhadto tell anyone about my bipolar disorder.”
My eyes flick to his furrowed brow and pursed lips. The back of my neck burns as I force the truth out, starting from the beginning so hopefully he’ll understand.
“My family and friends know. It’s no big deal with them. Genetics sometimes play a part, so my parents were on notice that either Nox or I—or both of us—could have it. Nox hasn’t shown symptoms, but we figured out mine pretty early after a rough go of it at eighteen.”
I idly brush away a crunchy brown leaf caught in the tulle of my tutu as my knee bounces at a frenzied tempo.
“We figured out meds, gathered a good medical team. Dance helps channel my energy and gives me a routine. My symptoms have been mild, all things considered. I’m lucky too. I have support that a lot of people don’t have. I couldn’t do it without my family, my friends… not to mention my psych is also a therapist, and I trust that saint withallmy secrets. Which, I mean, aren’t that many. I’m kind of an open book. Lies are just another thing to stress over.”
Shame itches under my skin about what I have to say next.
“So when I felt the hypomania coming on this week, I sort of freaked out. I thought I could white-knuckle through it. Ride it out until we got back to civilization and skip the whole ‘woe is me, I have a mental health condition’ convo. I’ve neverhadto have the conversation. It’s the first time I’ve failed at taking care of myself.”
“Luna, you didn’t fail.”
My head shakes. “Logically, Iknowthat. It’s just that, I’ve seen people find out my mom was bipolar because she was mid-episode.” Tracing the dirt, I admit my worst fear. “People look at you differently when you tell them while you’re sick versus when you tell them while you’re well.”
“What do you mean?” he asks.
“Well, they look at me like…” I lift my gaze to find Orion’s brow furrowed and his wary eyes waiting for my answer. “Kind of the way you are right now, if I’m honest.”
His jaw goes slack, then he shakes his head hard.
“I don’t see you differently because of this. I mean, sure, it fits together a few puzzle pieces I hadn’t realized were missing. But I love finding those.”
“Then why are you looking at me like you don’t know whether I’m going to pop off or break down?” I counter.
He winces. “If anything, what you’re seeing is me pissed at myself. You felt that you couldn’t trust me with this—why would you after what I’ve put you through? And besides that, you shouldn’t havehadto tell me. I should’ve put the pieces together.”
I frown as he rakes a hand through his hair, gripping his nape before gesturing toward me with a defeated exhale.
“I know everything about you, birdie. Literally everything.” His voice softens. “At least, I’m supposed to.”
His lips quirk up at my scowl. “Go on and be irritated if you want, but don’t act like you don’t love it.”
I roll my eyes, and he chuckles, though it fades fast. He glares at the fire like it’ll tell him what to say next. The flames pop twice, making him flinch before he finally speaks.
“This week, I knew something was off. But I chalked it up to stress. Or me being an asshole that deserved a good ass-kicking.”
I snort. “You’re notwrong.”
His fleeting grin makes my heart skip, then vanishes. “Point being, I missed this, and I shouldn’t have.”
“It’s not your fault. My family and I kept it under wraps pretty good,” I say with a shrug. “Like I said, I’ve managed it well.”
“Well, for the record, I’ll probably feel shitty about the way everything’s gone down for the rest of our lives.”
Before I can joke, agree, or even argue, he blows out a breath. “Alright. You managed it well before I came along. Let’s keep the streak alive, yeah? I already fucked up enough with you this week.”
I wrinkle my nose at that, but he keeps going, tapping the bottle lightly. “What’s the dosage on these? Can you take one now?”
