Page 104 of Dreadful
Neither did I.
“But how could he do that to his own son? You were just a boy.” The words fall heavy between us, but he doesn’t seem to feel the same impact.
“It didn’t matter. The Family mattered. I tried to go back for you after it happened. That night was the first time I told my father no. I tried to fight him, but I was in too much pain to handle his beating—”
“My god, Sev, you were just a boy,” I repeat. The words ring inside my head, but once again, Sever doesn’t regard them.
“Ever since that night, I’ve been haunted by it. As I’ve gotten more autonomy, I’ve tried to find out more about you. I killed Vinnie for it, but it wasn’t until that dinner that I even found out your name. That night has plagued my nightmares, but between the pain, guilt, and the pills my mother shoved down my throat, I was missing too many pieces of it. They became jumbled, and what I could have probably used to learn more about you was lost.”
“I know what you mean. I don’t…I don’t remember everything that happened to me those nights because I was drugged every night except that last one. That Sunday dinner was when I could finally put it all together. I knew their guest was a judge, but I wanted to know if he wasthejudge, so I went because I had to be sure. Throughout that night, though, his voice…”
“I heard it, too. The more he drank, the more familiar it became. Then Claudio confirmed it.”
“I wish I’d realized it sooner, but my list has a specific order, and itneedsto be followed…and even though my bodyknewit was him, a part of my mind wouldn’t let me believe the man who tormented me was right there, just feet away. I kept trying to convince myself that I didn’t remember properly. That last night was the only one that I could remember details from because I used the drugs he gave me to make him pass out instead of me.”
“You sang that night, but you were quiet all the others,” Sev whispers. “Fuck, Tallie, I’m so fucking sorry. You did that for us, and I—”
“He’ll get what he deserves. I’ll make him pay if it’s the last thing I do. Everyone who has earned my wrath will get it.”
“Then use me, Tallie.” He juts his chin toward his cane, making me realize I still have it in my hand. “Punish me. Take whatever you need from me to feel whole again.”
My heart stutters.
I can take out the boy, right here, right now—
The boy…
My eyes slam shut, and I shake away my doubts. When I open them again, Sev is still looking up at me, waiting for me to dole out his punishment. I glare at him and hold his cane straight, keeping my distance between us, as I walk around him in a circle again slowly. The rubber tip drags against his bare chest, his shoulder, his back. He remains absolutely still, until I begin to trace the tulip.
I swallow before whispering, “Why a black tulip?”
“You know why.”
“Humor me.”
Pain etches the edges of his eyes. “They were the sign of our escape, and the memory of me leaving you behind. I’ve regretted every step I’ve taken away from you. Call it penance. It’s a reminder of my need to atone. To bring retribution.”
But you were just a boy.
No. Don’t think that way. Focus.
I land the cane’s tip into his bandaged wound. Pain hisses from his clenched teeth, but his hands stay loose at his sides as he takes my abuse.
“And this?” I press harder, and he exhales through his mouth. “You say you hate the judge, but you went to the theater with him and Claudio last night. I was rushed out before I could see him stab you at dinner. But you could have killed a man like that with one swift blow from your cane. Why didn’t you?”
He shakes his head. “Claudio had ordered my cousins to hold me back. I couldn’t shake them. Believe me, I tried. And I almost died doing it. You had to have heard some of it.”
“Would Claudio, or your mother, really have let that happen?”
He snorts. “My uncle probably wishes I’d died a long time ago. My mother would let Claudio do anything he wanted to me, so long as my urn matched her decor.”
Rage fills me again, but it’s different than the kind I’ve been harboring for years. I’ve felt it for myself, for mynonni, for Antonella, for my parents. And now, I feel it for Sev. My enemy.
The realization hitches in my chest. I blink rapidly, trying to make the tears in my eyes go away. Sever’s eyes widen as one drips off my cheek.
“Fuck,dolcezza—”
“All these years, I’ve tried to get justice for the girl I used to be. Your uncle has tried to take everything from me. But…but he’s done the same thing to you, too, hasn’t he?” I prop his cane against the cart of butcher tools and step closer to him.
