Page 43 of Leading Conviction
After a moment of trying to figure out the best words, he finally landed on the simple truth.
“My pops was my hero,” Hawk answered and cleared his throat. “We loved this game together. He wanted me to go pro, but then nine-eleven happened.”
“Nine-eleven?” Tommy frowned.
Hawk’s jaw dropped, and he stilled with the ball in his hand. “You don’t know what nine-eleven is?”
“Nope,” Tommy answered. “So what was it?”
Hawk huffed a surprised laugh before throwing the ball back. That moment had been so pivotal in his own life, it never occurred to him that his kids would have no frame of reference outside of a history lesson.
Not that Tommy is my kid…
A mix of regret and hope had him smiling to himself at the thought. He’d always wanted kids, had expected to have them, honestly. But he’d foolishly let life, duty, responsibility—basically everything else—get in the way.
Never again.
“Nine-eleven was one of the most important days in my life. The world changed and so did I. It encouraged me to go to the Army instead of playing ball. But I still love the game.”
Tommy seemed to think for a second before throwing the ball back. “That was what my dad was in, too, right? The Army?”
Hawk chuckled. “Yup. I met him there. We were in the same unit and were best friends”—he threw the ball and snapped his fingers—“like that.”
Tommy paused for a second and tossed the ball into his mitt a few times before returning it. “What was he like?”
A lump developed in Hawk’s throat. He swallowed the emotion down so he could answer to the best of his ability. Hawk remembered the way he used to hang on his pops’s every word. This kid had never met his father, so Hawk could imagine just how much weight wordsaboutEagle would carry for Tommy.
There was so much baggage wrapped up in his history with MF7, and with what they suspected about their final mission—that Eagle might’ve been a reluctant double-agent for the General—it only added to the team’s confusion about their former leader. It was a fucked-up situation that had left Hawk with some fucked-up feelings about his best friend. Not to mention the fact he’d only just found out Eagle had fathered a kid with the love of Hawk’s life.
Bile churned in his stomach, threatening to come up at that last thought, but he clenched his jaw and focused on getting past his own personal feelings. Tommy didn’t need to know any of that shit, and if it were up to Hawk, he’dneverknow about it. Kids should never have to learn their parents aren’t heroes, especially if they’re the villains.
“Your dad… Tommy, your dad was a leader. He was funny, optimistic, always putting his team and friends first—” His voice broke at the last because he was playing catch with a living, breathing example of how untrue the last sentiment actually was.
The fact Eagle had slept with his best friend’s girl should’ve been something Hawk hated. But after nine years, he couldn’t find it in himself to be upset when this cool-ass kid was the result. Hawkwasmad at him for leaving Hannah all alone, though.
But I did that, too.
Guilt shocked through him, causing a phantom pain in his joints as his body tried to push back against the truth. But his conscience was right. He couldn’t blame Eagle for doing the same exact thing he’d done. Tommy could’ve very well have been his if the time line was correct.
They’d caught the Braves game shooters, who’d confessed in a top-security clearance hearing that they’d been retaliating against MF7. That confession never saw the light of day, but the people got their much-needed false sense of security when the life sentences were doled out publicly. What that justice did for Hawk, however, was ensure that he was scared shitless.
Over the years, he’d seen what traffickers were capable of. Hacking and surveilling were child’s play for many, which meant any amount of contact or interest in Hannah made her vulnerable. So he and Eagle had made a pact to leave her be and let her live her life.
When he’d gotten back, the BlackStone team still dealt with the same bullshit and evil, powerful men. He hadn’t wanted Hannah anywhere near this life, and he’d foolishly thought after seeing the online news article about her Teacher of the Year award that she was thriving. He’d believed her father was still protecting her, up until two and a half months ago when he’d realized she was one of the missing women his team was looking for.
He’d told Wes everything in confidence, and together, they’d searched everywhere for her, trying not to alert any of their enemies that she was on their radar. Then they’d found out the General had been behind everything they were investigating. If they hadn’t stormed the General’s security firm, they wouldn’t have found the photo of Hannah with the coordinates, and Hawk may never have seen her again.
Anger surged through him at the thought. At his naivety, and the willingness to put Hannah’s safety in the hands of another man, let alone that monster.
“The things I’d do if I had a fucking do-over,” he muttered.
“What?” Tommy asked.
Kids and their insanely good hearing.
“Nothing,” Hawk answered with a quick shake of his head. “Okay, where was I?”
“Talking about my dad?” Tommy replied with a hopeful lilt in his voice.
