Page 23 of Leading Conviction
The military time irritated her more than it should. She’d always hated it when her dad insisted on using it. Hawk knew that, but apparently he’d forgotten it like everything else they’d had between them.
Petty, petty, petty… I’m being petty. All that matters is Tommy’s safety and staying the hell away from my father.
“Alright then.” She sucked her teeth. “Guess I’ll see you in the morning.”
Hawk lingered, like he wasn’t sure what to do next. It was strange to see the man who’d always been cool, calm, and collected, now stutter, backtrack, and second-guess his every move. Was that a new development thanks to MF7? Or was it new because of her?
She blew out a breath, determined not to read into things, and walked past him toward the door. It hadn’t been shut all the way so she opened it farther and gestured for Hawk to leave.
He scoffed. “You’re escortingmefrommyroom?”
“You escorted me across two countries. I figured it’s the least I could do.”
His steady gaze fixed on her, waiting for her to fold, but he had to know her better than that. It’d always been a battle of wills between them. The only time either of them gave ground was in the bed—
No.
A sudden flush of heat rose in her cheeks and she turned her face, lifting her chin toward the hallway. “I’m tired, Hawk. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She didn’t look at him but she felt his heated stare. Did he see right through her? That she was trying her best to navigate this crazy, strained situation, while also attempting to bury her emotions along with her past?
Heavy footsteps made her heart race, knowing he was coming closer. She kept her relaxed posture, allowing very real exhaustion to show through. When his tall frame entered her vision his presence nearly overshadowed her good judgment.
He stopped in front of her, his chest at her eye level. After a moment it dawned on her he was waiting for her to look up. Despite her best efforts not to submit to his silent command, she found her chin lifting to meet his gaze.
His full umber lips were only inches away. She concentrated on steady inhales and exhales, and the gold necklace she wore underneath her shirt burned her skin. All she had to do was balance on her tiptoes and gingerly press her mouth to his, allowing herself freedom she’d been denied for years.
But she couldn’t.
She opened the door wider.
“You can’t do that anymore.”
“Do what?” he asked with a frown.
“This.” She waved in the thick air between them. “We can’t be what we used to be. What we had required trust.”
As if a new angle could help him see her point of view better, he tilted his head in that infuriating way that both annoyed herandmade her itch to paint him. The position showcased the minute muscles in his jawline, the ones that were impossible to get down perfectly in portraits without him clenching his jaw right in front of her.
“Han.” His defeated sigh made her blink away from those muscles and return to the conversation. “I know leaving ruined everything, but you can trust me in this. I only ever wanted what was best for you. To keep you safe.” His chin jutted toward the bathroom where the sound of water rushing from the faucet leaked underneath the door. “And now, Tommy. After we take down the General and I know you’re out of danger, I’ll leave you alone.”
That knifelike pain stabbed into her heart again. He was saying all the right things, but implying that it was best to leave her—again—somehow still felt like yet another betrayal.
“Good.” She coughed to clear the wavering in her voice. “See you in the morning, Hawkins.”
His charcoal eyes burned with the emotions still boiling between them, but he didn’t say a word as he nodded and left the apartment. She refused to watch him walk away from her again, so she quickly closed the door and locked it tight. Some part of her still hoped he’d stop her, but he never did. He just left.
Again.
The knowledge that she was surely going to have her heart broken all over again gnawed at her stomach, making her hurt from the inside out. She tried to breathe through the pain as she went into mom mode, tucking Tommy into his side of the large bed before getting ready herself.
When she came out of the bathroom, she laughed softly at the sight of her son already sprawled out like a starfish across the mattress. Thankfully, it was the biggest bed she’d seen in a long time, and she still had plenty of room on her side. But as she finally slipped under the covers, that ache she’d been ignoring throughout the night—throughout theyears, really—burrowed into her soul, keeping her up.
She lay for hours, trying to come to terms with her new reality as she stared at the blank ceiling. Bare, just like the rest of his apartment. When sleep finally claimed her thoughts, she turned over and inhaled deeply.
Leather. Pine. The dewy freshness of a spring morning.
She’d started over and over and over so many times, all by herself. She could do it again.
