Page 39 of Leading Conviction
“I know that now. But when I was growing up, I thought I was the issue. As a kid, I knew I was uncomfortable, but it took me being an adult to realize what he did was wrong, and it took me being a mom to understand the abuse was so ingrained and so much worse than I even knew.”
“Jesus. I’m sorry, Hannah,” Jules murmured from across the table. “That’s terrible.”
“Callie.” Hannah breathed through the nausea as she asked the question she absolutely didn’t want to know the answer to. “Do you think… do you think he bought you because of—”
Thankfully, Callie didn’t make her finish. The words were already hard enough to get out as it was.
“Yes. I know that’s hard to hear, but I think he chose me because he was able to do things to me that he’d stopped himself from doing to you. I’m sorry you dealt with that monster as a child.”
Hannah dug her hands through her hair and shook her head. She was messing up her braid, but she didn’t give a shit. The women sat in silence as Hannah digested the information. She was grateful for their patience, even if the words going down were rancid.
All those years ago, she’d thought something was wrong, but he’d told her if she said anything she’d be taken away from her mother. After her mother died, compliance had already been so ingrained in Hannah that she didn’t even consider reaching out to someone as an option.
But what if she had told? Could she have prevented all of this?
“I’m… I’m so sorry,” she finally whispered.
“Sorry?” Callie’s head jolted back. “What the hell are you sorry for?”
“If I’d told, maybe none of this would’ve happened,” Hannah mumbled, refusing to meet the eyes of the women who’d been hurt by her father. His evil schemes and greed. Her own silence.
“Hannah…” Naomi’s soft Southern accent drifted toward her. “Hannah, look at me.”
Hannah slowly lifted her head to see warm-chestnut eyes looking back at her.
“You can’t think that way, Hannah. You, Callie, Ellie…y’allare the victims.”
“Heis the guilty party,” Jules offered. “Not you.”
“I know… but what if I’d reported it?”
Jules shook her head. “You can’t think that way.”
“But—”
“No. You. Can’t. Think. That. Way.” Naomi enunciated each word as the other women nodded.
“Have you ever thought about what would’ve happened if you’d reported?” Jules asked.
“A little.” Hannah sniffed. “Wouldn’t he have been prosecuted or gone to jail?”
“That’s always the goal in these situations.” The fair skin on Jules’s forehead wrinkled with concern. She brushed her honey-blonde hair off of her shoulder before using her hands to emphasize her words. “The thing is, we don’t know and we never can know. Could he have gone to prison for the rest of his life and never hurt anyone ever again? Sure. Could he have murdered you and gotten away with it?” Hannah gulped audibly, but Jules kept going. “Also, a possibility. Considering what we know now about what heiscapable of? Do you really think your nightmare would’ve stopped as a child if you’d simply told someone? Hannah… it could’ve been worse for you.”
“Yeah, but because it wasn’t worse for me, my nightmare went to other people.”
“And that’shisfault,” Callie insisted. “Not yours.”
Ellie reached across the table and took Hannah’s hand in hers. “I’ll be real with you. People who report are heroes. But the ones who make sure they’re safe aren’t monsters. Themonstersare the monsters. They’re the ones who are guilty. Not the ones who were just trying to survive. And that’s what you were. You’re the survivor. Never forget that.”
Tears pricked Hannah’s eyes. She wasn’t sure if she could ever forgive herself for refusing to confront reality for so long. And she definitely didn’t think she deserved that forgiveness from others. But getting it from these women who her silence had directly impacted was a salve on a burn that probably would never fully heal. A relief but only a brief one.
“Thank you,” Hannah whispered and squeezed Ellie’s hand.
Her soft smile lifted her face as she squeezed back.
Hannah massaged her chest with her hand, and Callie cleared her throat.
“I’m sorry to put all this on you. But things are probably going to move fast once the guys figure out where to look next for the General. I know you couldn’t report when you were a child. But now, in the safety of BlackStone Securities… you could help.”
