Page 76 of Fighting Conviction
“If it’s like that every time, I wouldn’t mind that at all.” Her smile widened and he released her with a peck on her lips. She sighed before laying her cheek and half-naked body on his bare chest.
He was gone for her and he knew it. But she was only a freshman in college for fuck’s sake. Cornering her into a serious relationship, assuming she’d even want one at nineteen, would make him one selfish son of a bitch.
As if she read his mind, she spoke softly against his chest. “You know… when we, um… when we have sex… ugh, sorry. I’m awkward.” She slapped her hand over her eyes. He chuckled and peeled her fingers away from her face before she exhaled and continued. “It’ll be my first time and, um… I’m on birth control. I don’t want anything between us… if that’s okay. I don’t know what you wanna do with that information. Just thought I’d tell you.”
Devil tamped down the sudden urge to roar and beat his chest like some testosterone-driven gorilla. It wasn’t necessarily that he would be her first that made him apeshit, but the hope that he could have the privilege of being heronly.
“I’m clean. I’d never risk anything with you, but if you’re sure… it’s your call.” He cleared his throat. “We do this at your pace, El. You’re in charge.” Devil stroked her spine with both hands as she nodded. He felt her cheek lengthen as she yawned and he tugged her closer against him, enveloping her in his hold.
He wouldn’t tell her, not yet anyway. But she was full of firsts for him, too. The first hand he could remember holding, the first time he’d given the reins over to a lover. His first relationship—if what they were doing was even a fucking relationship. A wave of shame passed through him as he realized they never did go on that date.
He was about to try to plan another one with her, but her breath was already slow and steady, a rhythm he could listen to for the rest of his life if she let him. He rubbed her back softly, more for himself than for her. He didn’t want to wake her, but having her in his arms eased an ache in his soul he’d developed the first moment he saw her.
“So glad I found you, angel,” he whispered against her golden hair.
“I love you, Dev.” Her voice was so faint, he thought he’d imagined it, especially when the lazy cadence of her breaths never changed.
He wanted to say them back. The words itched to get out from the back of his throat. But that one last step to opening himself up after closing himself off for so long was a leap into a fucking canyon. After ten years, thinking emotional attachments were distractions was deeply ingrained in him. When he’d told Ellie after she’d passed out that he didn’t want to be that way anymore, he’d meant it. But old habits die hard and he’d been convinced for too long that caring too much made him make mistakes that wound up hurting people.
Can’t risk it until after tomorrow. I’ll tell her after.
BlackStone had a big day the next day. He hoped to God Ellie was kept busy enough by classes the next day to not worry about what the Crew was up to. He needed her as far away from him as possible. Hopefully nothing bad would happen, but with a mission, you could never be too sure. And he needed as few distractions as possible.
Ellie was strong, but Devil sure as fuck wasn’t strong enough to keep his head on straight if she was somehow involved. And if she knew they were crashing the scholarship party, there was no way she’d be willing to stay out of the thick of it. He understood though.
When you have skin in the game, it’s hard not to want your pound of flesh.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Ellie extracted her Russian book from her backpack and tossed the bag on her apartment floor.
Professor Novikov had been in rare form that day, full of energy and refusing to speak at any normal pace in Russian. It was a miracle she’d passed last semester with her absences, and Ellie was embarrassed at how lost she’d already gotten in her schoolwork within the first two months of school. While she got healthier over the past month and a half, Ellie had thought she’d done a fair job catching up. But then Professor Novikov went on a million-word per minute Russian tangent. She’d been ashamed again until she realized Virginia’s eyes had glazed over and she’d given up taking any notes—along with the rest of the class.
With a sigh, Ellie opened the book to teach herself what Professor Novikov had been too quick to explain but her mind kept going back to the night before, like it had all day.
Ellie had woken to cool cinnamon scented sheets. She’d basked in the comfort and feeling of security until she’d reached to the side, only to feel an even colder empty space.
She’d slept safe in Dev’s arms last night after he’d brought her to yet another ‘best orgasm of her life.’ A cheeky grin widened Ellie’s face and a sense of feminine pride warmed her all over as she thought about how she’d finally been able to return the favor. She bit her bottom lip and propped her chin with her elbow as she tried to focus on the Cyrillic alphabet allegedly written in sentences.
But it was no use. She’d been preoccupied all day, and knowing Dev might be in the room next to her was driving her crazy. Tilting her head toward his wall, she listened to see if she could hear him, but it was silent. The type of silence you only get when you’re completely alone.
It’d been like that all day. Normally, Ellie and Dev texted back and forth throughout the day, but he’d been radio silent. That, and the fact he’d left her in his bed alone—hurt more than she wanted to admit.
Of course, it happened all the time. Sasha and Virginia both talked about it, not to mention survivors at Sasha Saves, and pretty much every TV show targeted to her demographic. For the first time she realized she was one of those girls that was surprised she might be getting ghosted.
Is that what he’s doing? No… Dev wouldn’t do that… right?
But was that howallwomen felt the morning after a hookup? She’d always watched or listened with an air of disdain. Judging the women for not expecting to be left. As if it was their fault the man they’d chosen was the type to leave before they woke up.
She shook her head.So he didn’t wake up with me. Big deal. I can’t be sad about that. We haven’t even talked about being together or had sex yet. Get a grip.
Ellie groaned and collapsed her face into her hands.
Oh god. What if I am too innocent for him?
He’d said it plenty of times. Maybe it was her dang fault for not listening when what the man told her was obviously the truth. Who could blame her when the guy looked like that, though?
Ellie rolled her shoulders back and hopped off the stool, deciding in the moment she needed to go for a run. She already had the mysteries of body language and a man’s silence filling her brain, retaining any other foreign languages was going to be impossible until she worked out the stress.
