Page 4 of Fighting Conviction
“You’re okay, angel. You are safe. You are in control. You are here, in this moment. You are at the Sasha Saves clinic.”
“I am safe,” Ellie mumbled. “I am in control. I am here, in this moment.” The robotic words left her lips automatically, as if each phrase were a button activating the next. Almost a year of therapy and the meditation was reflexive. It should’ve been. She’d sure as heck done it enough times.
“That’s right, and where is here, Ellie?”
“Sasha Saves clinic.”
The little girl with wild red curls and hazel green eyes watched her, curious underneath her long, spiky wet lashes. Except for the dimple in her left cheek, Thea actually lookednothinglike her childhood friend.
Ellie swallowed back the reality that her flashbacks came without rhyme or reason. Whatever had sparked this one, she had no idea. All she knew was she had to bury that crap deep and get herself under control.
“What’s wrong with her, Mommy?” Thea whispered loudly. Her red curls bounced against her shoulder as she tilted her head to the side. Ellie didn’t like being the center of attention, but at least the girl’s tears had stopped.
“Nothing, she’s fine,” Dev answered for her, his thumb smoothing small circles over the T-shirt sleeve on her shoulder.
Thea’s mother frowned from behind the ice pack on her cheek. Ellie felt heat rise in her chest and brushed imaginary dirt from her hands.
“Sorry.” Ellie cleared her throat. “I…”
“Got caught up in a memory.” Dev’s soft monotone was jarring in the quiet room. Ellie lifted her gaze to his sad smile and her heart stuttered as he squeezed her shoulder one final time.
“God, he’s pretty.”
She’d thought the words, but they giggled across her mind in Sasha’s voice. Ellie nodded to both Sasha and Dev, hoping no oneinthe room could tell she was losing it. Her therapist explained that Ellie talking to herself in Sasha’s voice was a natural, healthy way to understand her grief. It would go away eventually when she no longer needed the coping mechanism.
“Copin’ mechanism, my ass.”
“Exactly.” Ellie blew out a breath and pasted on a smile. “Thanks Dev, uh, Thea do you wanna go check out our toys—”
“No! I wanna stay with my mommy.”
“It’s alright. They’re over here in this corner. See?” Ellie waved Dev’s hand away as she gathered herself up from the floor. “And look, you can watch a show on this cool bean bag.” Ellie took Thea by the hand again and led her to the toy box in the corner, along with the beanbag and tablet. “You can still see your mommy, but now you don’t have to hear the grownups talk about boring stuff.”
Thea scrunched her nose and lifted her chin in her mother’s direction.
“It’s okay, baby. I’ll be right here.” The woman’s raspy voice broke on the last word. Knowing what usually caused vocal cord injuries made Ellie want to scream on her behalf. But she bit her tongue. She’d have to run her frustration out later.
At the time Sasha Saves opened, Ellie had totally sucked at keeping her emotions to herself. Since then, she’d gotten so adept at hiding her feelings, even she was hard-pressed to know what they were anymore.
But she could always identify rage.
Naomi’s little protector nodded slowly and chose the tablet. Ellie inhaled a slow breath before gathering her courage up again. Unfortunately, fighting past a child’s reluctance to be helped was the easy part. Sometimes the adults fought back.
After a few moments of listening to make sure Thea was enthralled with the Pixar movie, Ellie braced herself and faced Naomi. The eye she wasn’t icing was nearly swollen shut, leaving Ellie worried about how much worse the side that needed icing was.
“El, like I said, this is Naomi. She came for our assistance.” Dev scrubbed his beard before calmly leaning against the counter and crossing his thick arms. His bedside manner was straightforward and had the air of a regular doctor’s checkup, which seemed to put survivors at ease. There’s no judgment in facts.
Giving a slow nod to Dev, Ellie stepped in closer and gave Naomi her full attention. “You met Nora when you came in, right?” At Naomi’s nod, Ellie continued. “She’s our manager and lets me know when someone wants to chat here at the clinic. I’m Ellie Stone. I’m the Survivor Services Director and Advocate. We can help you.”
“Survivor services?” the woman mumbled with a lilt on the end.
Ellie nodded and smiled. “We don’t say victim around here. If you’re seeking help, you’re a survivor.” She watched as a spark of hope lit Naomi’s brown eyes before Ellie continued. “Can you tell me what happened? Who did this to you?”
As soon as it lit, the flame extinguished. Naomi’s face hardened as her lips formed a thin line. But while she could snuff out her words, the pain in her eyes couldn’t be dampened. Like recognized like, and Ellie recognized that anger. The kind that burned inside until it either consumed or was extinguished. This woman may have been beaten back, but she’d never be beaten.
Naomi swallowed and grimaced at the effort. “Nothin’ happened.”
The lie grated against Ellie’s skin, compounded by Naomi’s gravelly voice. Dev’s lips tightened while he retrieved his notes and marked something on the paperwork.
