Page 83 of Breaking Conviction
Dean’s calm smile as he shoveled another bite of steak into his mouth made Naomi want to vomit.
This is my life now. I just have to make it through. One day, one meal at a time. Maybe it’ll be better this time if I go all in.
But a small smile that felt more like a wince was all she could muster. She’d never been any good at faking. Well, scratch that. She excelled at acting the part, she just failed at being comfortable faking. It was why she’d lost so many people over the course of her relationship with Dean. It was easier to avoid people than ‘fake it ‘til she made it.’
“Mommy, me and Angus like your dress. Don’t we, Angus?” Thea nodded her teddy bear’s head before taking a bite of her macaroni and cheese. The bear had his own little seat beside her at the dining table like Wes had set up for her back at BlackStone. It would’ve been adorable if Naomi wasn’t in physical pain from the stress coursing through her.
“Mommydoeslook nice, doesn’t she, sweetheart?”
“Shower before dinner. I can’t stand the smell of you and I won’t have another man’s cum inside you when I’m fuckin’ you tonight.”
She resisted the shudder of revulsion and cleared her throat before answering. Dean beamed over at her, like he hadn’t physically shoved her into their shower, bruising her shoulder and knees against the tile as she ricocheted. Now that he’d figured out his leverage—letting her see Thea—the threats were already getting old and she’d only been there for less than twelve hours.
“Thank you, Thea. I wanted to make sure I looked nice for dinner.”
“Wear somethin’ good, or don’t wear anything at all. Actually, that second idea doesn’t sound half bad.”
The only act of defiance she’d allowed herself was the shoes. They were the green ones that Thea had “bought” the first time Naomi had ever met Wes. Wearing them reminded her of him. But already her time at BlackStone felt like a life she’d never lived.
It was funny how the mind played tricks like that. Like her only way to survive her new normal was to pretend the old never existed. Like her mind knew that having hope would be too much for her to bear right now.
If it was all a dream, she could listen and obey in peace, without feeling the need to put up a fight. Plus, why would she expend that energy again? She’d tried her best to leave once, but she was realizing she was stuck with this monster forever.
Believing anything different would crush her.
Doubt and optimism tried to wriggle their way to the forefront of her mind, but it was no use. She’d been depleted. Her hope was gone, despondence taking its place. All she’d do was listen and obey. Listen and obey. Listen and obey… for the next fourteen years. After that—after Thea was off and gone—hopefully somewhere as far away from Ashland County and her father’s reach as possible, Naomi would leave no matter what he did to her.
“Mommy, why are you so quiet?” Thea whispered in her patented stage whisper. “Do you miss Wes?”
Naomi’s skin went ice cold, but she did her best to keep her face neutral. Eyes the color of dead leaves bored into her, waiting for her response. She raised her head like there was nothing out of the normal for Thea. At the very least, she didn’t want the poor girl to feel embarrassed or feel bad if Dean acted out.
“I’m just feelin’ a little quiet tonight, honey. There’s nothin’ to worry about. Wes was just Mommy’s work friend at Sasha Saves.”
A slight scowl of confusion marred Thea’s face before she nodded. Naomi hated that look. Hated even more that she’dcausedthat look. Gaslighting her four-year-old felt wrong to her core, but at the same time, the alternative was Dean blowing up. The stark reality that Naomi was having to choose between traumas for her daughter made her eyes burn with unshed tears.
“I want to know more about Wes, Thea. You said he was where y’all were livin’. Where was that exactly?”
Before Naomi could interfere, Thea brightened up. “Oh, it looked like a big box on the outside but was real nice on the inside. Like a castle! And Mommy made cookies and dinner and bre-fast for Phoe-nik.” She snickered before whispering, “Mommy says he has a hole in his stomach, so it’s okay that he eats so much. And I got to play with Wes and I got to watch Mary-duh and I got to dress up like her and Mommy was the queen and Wes was the king and Mommy and Wes read me bedtime stories—”
“That’s enough, Thea,” Naomi hissed, immediately feeling guilty for chastising her daughter for telling a simple story. But poor thing didn’t understand social cues or the fact that Dean’s face had reddened to the point of concern. She certainly didn’t register his hands fisted tight around his fork and knife.
“Go to your room, Thea.” Listening to Dean’s gravel voice was like walking barefoot and trying to figure out which rock would hurt and which one wouldn’t. Spoiler alert, she didn’t even want to make the trek in the first place.
“But Daddy, I ain’t done eat—”
“Go to your room!”
“Don’t talk to her that way!”
She heard the sound before she registered the sting of the slap to her face. When she opened her eyes Dean was standing up, lording over the wooden table with his chest breathing heavy.
Naomi darted her eyes toward Thea’s as the green hazel grew shiny with unshed tears.
“I-I’m sorry, Mommy—”
“No, baby, don’t worry about a thing, alright?” Naomi pasted a smile that she hoped was one of her most convincing acting displays yet. “Just go ahead and go to your room. Daddy and I have somethin’ to talk about, okay? Make sure to shut your door, though, and don’t open it for anything, no matter what you hear.”
Thea nodded slowly, her eyes bouncing between Naomi’s and Dean’s as she slid from her dining chair. She hugged her teddy bear and started walking backward to her room, as if she was afraid to take her eyes off Naomi. Unfortunately, Thea’s door was just inside the hall and only a few feet from them. All she’d have to do was crack it open to see the full show, but it was the best Naomi could think of to shield her.
