Page 38 of Breaking Conviction
“H-hey... Yeah... Yeah... I’m uh, I’m gonna be off to pick up T soon. Yeah, I’ve been at the store. Lots of customers today... Busy, busy.”
There was more conversation, all of it punctuated by the little question marks she added in every statement, until finally she said goodbye in a low, timid voice that made him so sick he couldn’t help but scoff.
“You’re going to have to learn to lie better than that if you’re going to stay with that asshole.”
Her head whipped around to face him and he could tell even from his periphery that she was scowling at him.
“What’sthatsupposed to mean?”
He propped his elbow on the inside of his window and leaned his cheek against his fist, trying to seem like talking to her about her asswipe of a fiancé wasn’t killing him inside for reasons he didn’t want to analyze too closely.
“You’ve got a tell, baby. Every time you lie, it sounds like you’re asking a question.”
Naomi sputtered, but by the way she gripped the hem of her sweater in a tight fist, he could tell that he’d unnerved her.
“I amnotyour baby. And you don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
“Maybe it’ll surprise you, but I might actually know more than you think.”
Naomi paused at that, seemingly trying to figure out what to say next. “Well, I’m sorry to hear that, but every situation is different. You don’t know mine. What you think you saw is the worst it’s ever been. He doesn’t normally get that mean.”
“Oh, hell, have I heardthatone before. You know what that makes me think of?” Without waiting for her to respond, he answered. “Woo-hoo! He doesn’t always beat you up when he’s mad. Fan-fucking-tastic.” He massaged his eyes under his glasses before looking at her again, hoping she could see how frustrated he was. “Hell, Naomi, your bar is so low for him, it might as well be on the goddamn floor.” He gave her a pointed look. “You deserve to have standards higher than the fucking clouds. Don’t settle for a coward who should be six feet under.”
“I’m not settling!”
“Yes, you are.” His words were simple and quiet, not even trying to argue with her anymore. Just stating facts. But he wondered if she could tell the undercurrent of fear in his statement, like he could tell the desperation in her lies.
She growled and looked at him. “No, I am not.”
“Let me ask you something. Is it only when you lie to everyone else that your voice lilts up at the end, or do you also hear it in your head when you lie to yourself?”
“Snake—”
“Wes, please. And listen to me, if you’re sofine, then why do you always flinch when your phone goes off? Or relax once you’ve read what I’m assuming is an innocuous text message? Why do you walk on eggshells every time you speak to or about him? Why do you have to call him every half hour or respond immediately to messages or you start getting fidgety—”
“I don’t do that!”
“—and that’sjustwhat I’ve noticed concerning your damn phone. I won’t even go into the rest of your tells… Naomi, please just tell me. Why are you with him if you’re so afraid of him?”
There was a breath of a pause before she mumbled. “He’s myfiancé,Snake—”
“He’s yourwarden, Naomi. Damn, it’s so easy to tell he’s wrong for you. Don’t you see what he does to you? Ihatethis scared, deferential side of you—”
“I don’t care if you like me or not—”
“No.That’s what I’m saying. That side isnotyou. Nothing like you, actually. I’ve seen the real you.”
She scoffed and rolled her eyes. “How could you have possibly seen the real me? We’ve barely been around each other for two months, Snake.”
“Stop spitting my nickname back at me like a curse. I know exactly why you won’t say my real name—”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because if you do, it’s another rip in this fucked-up reality you’ve convinced yourself is your only option. Because if you do, you might actually have to confront your feelings, instead of hiding behind this wall you’ve built up.”
Her eyes widened at him as she shook her head. “That’s not true. I don’t… I don’t feel anything for you.”Lie.“You think you’ve seen the real me, but you’re just seeing this version you’ve created in your head.”
“I’ve seen what I need to. The Naomi I know fights with me and I fucking love that fiery side. That Naomi loses track of time helping strangers, not worried to death over being a minute late. That Naomi woulddiebefore her daughter got hurt, not stay with someone who could hurt them both.ThatNaomi is intoxicating and I don’t think I’d ever get enough of her.”
