Page 93 of The War of Wings
Outrage boiled in my stomach, but it shouldn’t have. Why should I be surprised at this admission?
“So you no longer plan on killing me?”
“Why would I kill you when you’re such a concentrated source of power for me? Unlimited, concentrated power.”
I once told a room full of kind and queens there were fates worse than dying, and now I knew the true meaning of that statement. Malosym thought to keep me alive indefinitely to feed off my pain.
One question remained. “Why?”
Even in the low light of the cell, I could see Malosym’s eyes darken at my question. “The world deserves to feel half the pain I have.”
That caused me to pause. The pain he felt? From what, being an outcast? Being pushed to the side by the Forgotten Saints and the other Extos? I couldn’t tell if he was baiting me to ask him, but I wanted to know. “What pain have you endured, Malosym? What pain could be so great it would cause you to want to lay ruin to the world?”
“That mind of yours couldn’t even begin to wrap itself around what I’ve endured.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Humor me.”
He sucked his teeth, surveying me. “You had two sets of parents who wanted you,” he said slowly, his foot tapping against the stone floor. “I didn’t have one.”
I furrowed my brows, my lips parting at his unexpected confession. “So, what? You’ve decided to take out your childhood neglect on the rest of the world?”
“The rest of the world doesn’t know what it feels like to see nothing but disgust in their mother’s eyes, and nothing but disappointment in their father’s. They have no idea what it feels like to only have ever been looked upon with hatred, like a fucking rat. Never with warmth. Never with love. Never with understanding. Always a problem needing to be dealt with.” His chest heaved against the chains, his teeth bared. “They could’vekilled me, but even the most hateful person pauses for a moment before their boot comes down on the rat’s skull. They were weak, and they burned the Old World to ash because of that weakness. I have no pity for weakness.”
“You want to look at me and tell me you’ve never known love? My mother loved you,” I snarled. “She never looked at you with disgust or disappointment or hatred. She loved you and trusted you completely, even when you were leading me to my destruction. She handed over her only remaining daughter to the brutality of Initiation foryou. So she could spend her life by your side. That was love, Castemont.”
The name hung in the air between us, echoing off the walls until it settled on the floor. A false name for a false man — a person who never truly existed.
Malosym’s lips were a thin line, his eyes hardened on me as he stared back. We were face to bloodied face. The only two Extos in the Human Realm. The only two of his bloodline in the Human Realm.
My jaw ached, sudden tears pricking the backs of my eyes.Not now, I told myself.No tears right now.Cal’s face flashed into my mind, my resolve faltering for just a moment. Fear began creeping over the walls I’d built around myself, snaking and vining until the walls began to shake on their foundation. I didn’t want his last memory of me to be descending the stairs into the dungeon. I didn’t want that to be my last memory of him, either.
“You’re going to kill me, yes?” Malosym asked, his voice hard, but no fear broke through. It was a simple question.
“I am going to kill you.”
I would be the one to end his life. Of that, I was sure.
But it would be tomorrow. Because I wanted one final night with the love of my life, one more night spent memorizing the colors of Cal’s eyes and savoring the feeling of him by my side. Then I’d end it all.
Without another word, I turned on my heel and walked out of the room. As the heavy iron door slammed behind me and its echo faded, a voice filtered through the bars. “Petra?” I stopped my steps but didn’t respond, didn’t turn back to look him in the eyes through the window. “Do send my regards to Lieutenant Landgrave, will you?”
Chapter 37
Cal
I’d been staring up at the ceiling for hours, trying to pick out patterns that didn’t exist in the rough sandstone surface. Petra’s naked body was curled against my side, her warmth the only thing keeping me in this bed. My hand was tangled in the strands of her hair cascading away from her face, fanned out over the pillow.
I was once again struck by the fact that such power waited just below the surface of her skin. It was right there, and it’d been in her all along.
I’d expected her to come back from Malosym’s cell frustrated and hopeless. She’d pushed through the doorway to find me polishing my blade and latched the door behind her. I’d asked her what had happened, but all I received in answer was her lips against mine. When she carefully took the blade from my lap and lowered it to the floor, I could tell something was off. She’d torn away only to lead me to the bed, and thelook in her eyes was so intense, so earnest, every question that had been brewing fell away.
Every movement she made against me tonight had seemed so intentional, every breath deep, as if she were trying to hold the moment inside her lungs. Every time our pace quickened, she seemed to pull against the reins, slowing us down.
It made me nervous.
And how shitty was it that her calmness unsettled me so much? How shitty was it that seeing her so sure of herself, seeing her taking in the moment as she should, made me anxious?
Sleep wouldn’t be coming for me tonight. My mind was too damn loud. I needed to dosomething.
