Page 50 of The War of Wings
Down the beach I walked, with no destination beside far away from my own thoughts. The muscles in my legs would be feeling the effects of the ride we made for days, but I pushed through the pain clinging to my calves and thighs. Miles’ secret was weighing on me, the lie like a stone sitting heavy in my gut. In the days since he’d told me, it hadn’t grown lighter. It hadn’t shifted. I could always feel it, its steady weight pulling me down. I even went so far as to justify the lie of omission’s presence within me, to tell myself Miles was right, that the choice Petra would face if she knew the truth would be far more cruel than keeping it from her.
And maybe that was true. Maybe it was kinder to keep the secret as long as I had to, then drive a blade through Tobyas’ — no,Miles’ chest.
“Dammit,” I muttered to myself, stopping in the sand when the weight grew too much to carry one step further.
“Can’t sleep?”
I whirled to see Petra twenty feet behind me, a fragile smile on her pretty face.
“Fuck,” I breathed. “How long have you been following me?”
“The drivas covered up the sound of my footsteps,” she said with a chuckle, but it was hollow.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
She closed the gap between us, her brown eyes glimmering as she looked up at me. I couldn’t read the look on her face as she searched my gaze and said, “Talk to me about when it’s over.” Her words were no louder than a whisper, but the desperation resounded around us as though she’d screamed.
A brittle part of my heart splintered then, because she was asking for hope. Would she ask me if she knew the secret I was hiding from her?
I took her hand and lowered us to the ground. I wanted to breathe in that sweet orange and rosewater scent and hold it in my lungs until I suffocated. “When all of this is over,” I finally said, forcing my churning thoughts into submission, “I’m going to build us a house.”
An amused breath rushed through her nose. “Oh yeah?”
“Mhm. Whatever kind you want. Wherever you want.”
“What makes you think you can build a house? Have you ever built a house before?”
“No, but I’m good with my hands.”
She laughed — a real, genuine laugh that loosened something in me. I hoped there would come a day where this was normal, where we could laugh together and not think of it as something special or out of the ordinary. I hoped there would come a day when I built her that house, and even if it fell apart around us because I turned out to be shit at building, we’d be happy in the ruins.
I hoped we’d both live to see the day when all of this turmoil was nothing but a faded memory.
“What if I don’t want a house?” she asked. “What if I want a mansion carved into the side of a cliff?”
I pulled her closer into my side. “I’ll chisel it bit by bit.”
“What if I want a farm with cows and chickens and goats?”
“I’ll learn how to grow crops and build fences.”
“And what if I want children?”
My lips skimmed to her ear, nipping at her earlobe. “I’ll give you as many as you want.”
“And what if I don’t?”
She gasped softly as my lips roved to her jaw, placing kisses as I went. “That’s fine, too. All the more time to spend with you.”
Her fingertips flexed against my arms as my forehead rested against hers. She’d turned to face me now, searching my eyes, alook of need on her face I’d do anything to satisfy. “What if I want the moon, Cal?”
“I’ll build a ladder to go get it for you. And I’ll bring you back the sun and stars while I’m up there.”
She exhaled, swallowing hard. I knew what she wanted to ask, what she wouldn’t say out loud.
“You want a bold life spent ruling your kingdom? I’ll rule by your side. You want a quiet life spent in the countryside? I’ll chop the firewood and plant you a garden. You want to live by the ocean? I’ll learn to swim. You want to cast me away and live a life without me in it? I’ll miss you every day until my last, but I’ll go. Whatever you want, Petra, I promise I’ll give it to you.”
There was nothing tacked on to the end of that sentence, noif we make it out of here. Noif we survive.It was definite, and I meant every word.
