Page 44 of The War of Wings
“I’m in control, Cal. I am. And…” His fists clenched at his sides, his mouth opening and closing as if he were working up the courage to speak. “I can feel him.”
My blood froze in my veins, my heart right along with it. “What does that mean, Miles?”
He took a shuddering breath, his eyes scanning the horizon. “There’s a presence. It’s him, I know it. It’s separate from the other sensation. I can’t tell where he is exactly, but I can… I can feel him. He’s nowhere nearby now.” He lowered himself to the sand, and I sat down beside him. “It’s the only reason I didn’t drive my sword through my own chest the second I realized what was happening, because I was thinkingmaybe… Maybe I could be of some use to Petra. If I could tell how far away he was, it might help her make strategic decisions.”
His head hung between his shoulders, elbows slung over his knees. He looked like a man defeated. His spirit was broken and battered. “Maybe Petra can heal you. Draw it out of you, you know?”
“No,” he answered too aggressively, his eyes hard on mine. “She can’t know, Cal.”
“I’m not going to lie to her.”
“She can’t know.”
My brows rose. “So you’re asking me to lie to her?”
“I’m asking you to protect her and her mission.”
I scoffed. “I’m not going to do it, Miles. I’m not going to lie to the woman I love. Not again.”
“What good is it going to do if she knows, Cal? She’s going to be faced with the decision to kill me or let me live, and there’s a clear right answer there. Then she’s going to have to live with the decision she’s made, and what do you think that will do to her? That will eat her alive.”
I opened my mouth to answer but promptly snapped it shut. “Fuck!” I shouted, dropping my head between my shoulders. How could I lie to her? How the fuck could I betray her again?
“I don’t want to lie to her either,” Miles continued, “But I don’t see any other option.” He took a deep breath, his posture stiffening. “So, I need you to promise–”
“No.” It was my turn to answer aggressively. The ice in my veins turned to boiling water, sweat breaking out along the back of my neck. “Don’t even think of finishing that sentence.”
“Listen to me, Cal,” he urged, his words fast. “I need you to promise me you’ll end it if it goes too far.”
I shot to my feet, jabbing a finger at him as he stood as well. “Are you out of your Saints damned mind?”
“Look me in the eyes and tell me that if it came down to me or her, you wouldn’t choose her!” he shouted, his volume rivaling that of the waves. “You can’t! You can’t tell me that because we both know the truth! You’d choose her. Iwantyou to choose her. I’d choose her, too!”
Nostrils flaring, I stared back at him. I tried not to focus on the blue light that seemed to glow brighter in his eyes, but it was inescapable. This was now a countdown.
I couldn’t escape the feeling that Malosym was taunting us. Did he know some of his magic had rooted itself inside Miles? Did he do it on purpose? More importantly, could he feel Miles the way Miles felt him?
My stomach dropped at the thought. Was Miles simply a beacon leading Malosym straight to Petra? Was Malosym just biding his time, building up his power little by little until he had enough to strike down Petra for good?
Fuck.
Miles’ hand landed on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts. “Promise me,” Miles pleaded in a broken voice. “Promise me that when the time comes, you’ll end it.”
It wasn’t going to come to that. It couldn’t. I refused to believe that would happen. He was strong. He had a good heart. But he needed my word. I had to lie to Petra, one final time, for her own good, and for the good of the realm. That was what I had to tell myself.
“Promise me, Cal,” he begged.
“I promise.”
His shoulders dropped, like some of the weight that was pressing down had lifted off and floated away. “I’m not so disillusioned that I believe there’s any way out of this,” he said quietly, looking back out over the water. “I want to be of use to her for as long as I can be, and when I can’t be any longer…” Pain crossed his features as he nodded, a silent acceptance.
We stood side by side, the only noise the ocean waves as they crashed against the stony shore. “I need to ask you for one more thing,” Miles said after a while. He was mindlessly turning a stone over in his hand, his face blank. “When it’s all done, I need you to find Cielle for me. Please. I need you to tell her I love her. Tell her I’m sorry.”
I nodded. “I told you back in Blindbarrow I’d help you find her. In Coldwater, right?”
“She’s…” He took a deep breath, as if bracing himself for his next words. “She’s from Coldwater. But by now, she’s the Queen of Zidderune.”
The Queen of Zidderune? I cocked my head, thinking back to what I knew about the kingdom and its leaders. “Raynerascended the throne a few years back, but hasn’t taken a wife if I remember correctly. I don’t think Zidderune has a queen.”
