Page 130 of The War of Wings
Adorex. Know.
“You know what?”
Malosym. Die. Petra. Die.Her nostrils flared, those ancient crystal blue eyes piercing straight through to my soul.
All I could do was nod solemnly. “If I kill Malosym, I’ll die too.”
Cal. Know?
“No. Cal doesn’t know.”
Cal. Angry.
A smile pulled at one corner of my mouth. “He will be angry, yes.”
Adorex huffed, her massive snout nudging against my side.Petra. Good.
Tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. “I’m trying to be,” I whispered. “Thank you for taking a chance on me.”
No. Chance, she thought.Adorex. Know.
“Enjoy the sunshine, Adorex.” She stared straight through me for a final second before her wings flexed beside her. Grains of sand stung my face, stirred into the air as the giant beast lifted from the ground. She was the most beautiful sight, and watching her silhouette grow smaller and smaller as she neared the horizon was simultaneously a stab wound and a balm.
And then, I was alone. So I began walking.
Down the beach, farther and farther away from the spot Adorex had left me. Malosym had told me five days, and Queen Irli had been right. I couldn’t simply sit there and wait. I could, however, get myself to the beach and search for Miles.
My rhythmic steps lulled me into something like a trance. Each wave that gently rolled onto the shore receded farther than the last, the tide calling them back out to sea. The moon shifted in the sky, and at some point I turned around, following my footsteps back again.
Somewhere beyond the horizon was Astran, a continent I spent my entire life on but still knew so little about. Never again would I set foot on its soil, hear the legends of the beasts that prowled its mountains. Never again would I stare up to the highest reaches of one of its castles knowing not a soul inside its walls had ever gone to bed hungry, while I wondered how the hell I was going to secure our next meal. And never again would I wade into the tranquil waters of Pellucid Harbor, or wave hello to Caroline the seamstress, or walk arm in arm with Larka with the dirt of Inkwell’s roads stuck in my throat. All those memories belonged to a life that had never truly been mine.
My heart may not have spent its life pumping human blood, but my soul held tight to human memories. Human struggles. And a beautifully complicated, horrendously perfect mess of human emotions.
All those terrible and trying things made the joy that much sweeter. The large moments of ugly and unpleasant made the small moments of hope that much brighter. Because what was love if not the excruciating fear of living without someone? What was happiness if not the absence of sorrow? And what would good be if evil did not exist? Marita had said two opposing things could exist at the same time. But what if they couldonlyexist at the same time? Never one without the other. Not really.
And all at once, I felt one of those human emotions at full force. My chest swelled as the feeling poured in, weaving itself into the fabric of my soul alongside the hurt and the love and the insufferable grief that made up so much of me. Even as I walked the beach, searching for the body of my friend, waiting for Malosym to show his face so I could burn him to ash and myself along with him, it swept through me.
Gratitude.
I was grateful for the impossible choice Katia and Rhedros had made. I was grateful to have lived and loved and lost in the Human Realm. I was grateful for the life they’d granted me, forthe sheer fact that even amidst so much suffering and devastation and heartache, I’d known love. And they were the first ones to show me what it meant.
As I reached the end of my footprints in the sand and found myself back where Adorex had left me, it all became clear. This was where I was meant to be. My purpose in life was to die on this stretch of shoreline a hundred miles from the people I loved. Everything else, everything I gained and lost and lived through, had been a privilege.
I lowered myself to the sand, propping my bag beneath my head as I stared up at the stars, and I thought to myself that maybe, just maybe, it had all been worth it.
???
After four days of walking the beach, I woke up on the fifth to a dense fog hanging low over the sea. It didn’t dissipate as the morning dragged on, not even as the sun broke through the clouds and warmed the already stifling air. And when afternoon came, it remained.
He was near.
“My sincerest apologies for keeping you waiting, your Majesty.”
The sound of waves had been the only thing keeping the silence at bay since I’d arrived here, so the sudden voice should’ve startled me. It didn’t. In fact, I smiled as the familiar voice slithered over my senses, and I turned slowly, enjoying one final moment before I faced the darkness. One final moment of comfortable warmth before I let the fire consume me completely.
Malosym stood in the sand, all shadows and smoke in the gray midday light. He was alone, no blade in his hand and no sheath at his hip. That familiar, infuriating smirk pulled at his mouth.
I’d made peace with death. I hoped Malosym had, too.
