Page 7 of The War of Wings
“I had her stay behind in Taitha. I didn’t want her anywhere near the battle. So as far as I know, she’s safe. But…” My sigh was mangled as I pushed it through a tight jaw. “To be completely honest Larka, I’m trying really hard not to hold resentment toward her. For everything.”
Larka lifted a brow. “Wow, queenhood has really changed you. Look at you, addressing your emotions instead of channeling them all into anxiety.”
My chuckle was involuntary, but there was pain behind it I couldn’t do much to hide. “She put so much on me, Larka. It was really, really hard for a really long time.” I nodded, staring at my lap as the weight of reality crashed into me again like a cannonball to the chest. “Then she married a man Ithoughtwas an Eserenian lord, and it all seemed like it was going to get better. But…it just didn’t. The weight was still there, it just morphed into something dipped in gold and covered with jewels. And at the end of it all, Malosym got his wish. The Daughter of Katia is dead.” A pang of hurt rang through my chest as I thought about Castemont’s proposal and the effort he put in toget my blessing to marry Ma. My brow furrowed. “And you know the worst part of it all? I think she really loved him. And I thought he really loved her, too.”
“Fuck him,” Larka murmured, eyes on the water. “And fuck her, too.”
I jolted. “Larka.”
“No. Fuck her for doing that to you. I can say that. What’s going to happen, they’ll send me to Hell?” She scoffed, folding her arms over her chest. “I love her, but that wasn’t fair.”
I love her, but that wasn’t fair.Those words settled something deep inside me. The feeling suddenly had a label, a neat little box I could tuck it into. I loved her. She was my mother. But it wasn’t fair.
“Is she here?” I asked quietly. She’d stayed behind in Taitha with Solise during the battle, and I assumed she’d be safe there. But that was when I thought we were up against the Saint of Pain, not Malosym.
“Not yet,” Larka answered. “But believe me, when she walks through those Gates, I’ll be giving her a piece of my mind.”
My laugh was short-lived before it quieted. A hollowness opened inside me, nestling into the spot beside where my powers should be. It was the cold realization of truth. Malosym had won, but what did that mean? What was the state of the realm? “I left everyone behind to deal with the fallout,” I whispered.
“You say it as if you made that choice yourself. You didn’twantto die.”
My teeth gnawed my bottom lip, a feeling of despair pitting my gut. I’d been ready to die to take Castemont down, even though I hadn’t wanted to. But back in Inkwell, that desire had been there. The thought of dying followed me like an incessant drum beat only I could hear, thethud, thud, thudgrowing louder with each passing day of insurmountable grief. I wanted to end it all, take away the pain of barely surviving. The relief of deathwas so close, all it would’ve taken was a single step from the clifftop.
I kept that to myself, though. Knowing Larka, it would weigh on her as guilt that wasn’t hers to bear.
“So,” she said excitedly, her chin dropping so she could look at me from beneath her lashes. “The man from Cindregala was going to kill you but fell in love with you instead?”
I dropped my head back, unable to keep myself from smiling. “Yep. Cal.”
“How disgustingly romantic.” Larka’s eyes fell somewhere over my head, her voice loud enough to get Elin’s attention inside the cabin. “Didn’t I say that Elin? Didn’t I say Petra was going to fall in love with that man at Cindregala?”
Elin’s face appeared in one of the windows, a knowing smile on her face. “You did.”
Larka’s smile was mischievous, her nose crinkled just slightly. “I did. I told her that day. And he was the Invisible King the whole time?”
I inhaled deeply through my nose. “It’s all a bit mad, isn’t it?”
“I’ll say.”
A strange noise sounded overhead, a hollow thump that pulled my attention away from Larka for a split second. There was nothing but blue sky above us, as vast and as beautiful as anything I’d ever seen. The sunshine felt so damn good against my skin, but it did nothing to keep my mind from wandering to the last moment I saw Cal. He’d been sprinting for me over the rubble, his hand outstretched and his face twisted in terror as I was swallowed by the darkness. He’d been alive then. At least I had that.
“I hope he’s okay,” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut.
“The one good thing is that if he isn’t, he’ll be here.”
My breaths picked up speed, and I fought to keep them even. Dread coiled in my gut, icy and covered in thorns.No.I wouldn’t let dread take over. I imagined myself cloaking the dread with warmth, thawing it out until it was malleable enoughto shape into something like hope. I’d see Cal again someday. He’d be here, with his good heart and gemstone eyes. I’d see them all again, Miles and Nell and Whit and Solise and even Ma, as angry as I was at her.
That was when I remembered.
I straightened, lodging a fist in Larka’s arm. Her face pulled up in surprise, her hand moving over the spot where my fist had made contact. “What the hell was that for?”
“Fuck you for not telling me about Elin!”
Larka’s eyes rolled dramatically. “So she did tell you?”
“Yes, she told me you two were in love and planning to move to Zidderune. Would’ve been nice to know that!”
Larka turned her palms up and shrugged. “Well, you had to wait until I died to run off and become queen. So, I guess we’re even.”
