Page 17 of Invisible Bars
“Well, that is your name. I mean, I tried calling you ‘Pretty Boy’ but you don’t like that either.”
“If you gon’ call me something, call me a muthafuckin’problem. Now I said what thefuckI said.”
Aaliyah laughed, thinking I was joking. “I guess you’re still mad about me telling my girls you treat kissing like it’s against your religion. What kind of man skips that part?”
Chi sipped his drink with interest. “This just got good.”
“The kind who doesn’t don’t waste intimacy on the temporary. I don’t kiss women I plan to forget; that’s why you never got one. Kissing is for women I respect. You? You got what you qualified for. So no, I’m not mad; I just don’t have conversations with people I’ve already thrown away,” I replied coldly.
Aaliyah narrowed her eyes. “Wow! You know what… you ain’t even all that! Just remember, I gaveyoua chance!”
“You don’t even believe that, shawty,” Chi chimed in. “If a nigga wasn’t all that, you wouldn’t be standing here with your lashes hanging lower than your standards. Come on now.”
“Facts,” I nodded. “And just how you said, you gavemea chance, I gave you an orgasm you still replay in your head, and the kind of dick you’ll be comparing niggas to for the rest of your life. So it looks to me like we’remorethan even, which puts you in debt. And judging by the way you still popping up, your reputation in collections too. Don’t worry, though, I already wrote you off as a loss. Now, for thelasttime, get the fuck on down, Aaliyah. Shoo. Fly. Float. Vanish. Whatever works. Justexitstage left,” I said, swatting her away like a fly.
Chi doubled over in laughter. “Nigga, you sound likeRaidin human form—‘Shoo, fly,die, whatever works!’”
“Whatever! Y’all childish!” Aaliyah rolled her eyes then stormed off.
Chi was still laughing. “Bro, you ain’t just send her away; you gave her travel options. Fly, float, vanish—pick your departure package. I swear yo’ ass got a superpower for pissing off women in record time. You cold as hell, bro. You should put that on a résumé.”
I hunched my shoulders and sipped again, cool as ever. “Being cold keeps the leeches off. I like that.”
“Remind me to tell Dess to never introduce you to any of her friends. I don’t need her trying to leave me because you broke one of her friends’ hearts.”
“Shid, Dess knows; that’s why she doesn’t introduce me to any. But fun fact… her and Aaliyah talk.”
“Ah, hell nah, nigga!” Chi snatched out his phone, panicked. “I gotta get ahead of this shit! I’m finna send Dess some flowers, a long ‘I love you’ paragraph, and a Cash App just in case!”
I chuckled. “Chill, nigga. They talk, but I don’t think they’re besties or no shit like that. Still, I wouldn’t be surprised if she calls her.”
“I’m still doing what I said. Nigga, I ain’t losing a good woman ‘cause you out here destroying brunch groups and traumatizing women in emerald dresses.” Chi tilted his head at me. “You ever think about love, bro?” he asked going completely off topic.
I didn’t answer right away.
Love.
It felt like a language I was never taught; like it was passed around at birth and somehow skipped me. Everyone else knew how to speak it, laugh in it, and cry in it. Me? I just learned how to survive. I knew how to provide, protect,disappear, keep secrets, bury pain, and end a problem before it began. But love? That was different.
That was a war with no weapon and a risk with no guarantee. That was handing over my soul and hoping the person didn’t drop it. I wasn’t afraid of heartbreak; I was afraid I’d hand someone my truth, and they’d walk away,or worse, try to fix it. The things I’d done… the thoughts I carried… that version of me that came out when no one was watching? I didn’t know if love was strong enough to surviveme.
Chi was living his best life with his fiancée, building a future, turning rage into loyalty. But me? I was still stuck somewhere between numb and dangerous.
Maybe one day I’ll meet her—whoever she is. The woman who won’t run when I don’t smile, won’t flinch when I’m quiet, or crumble when I show her the worst of me. But until then... I’ll keep watching love from a distance—like a movie I’ve seen a thousand times but never in my language. And if she ever does show up? She’d better come armored and anointed, because loving me won’t come with flowers; it’ll come with fire.
“Sometimes,” I finally admitted with a shrug. “But I don’t think I’m built for it.”
Chi grinned. “That’s ‘cause you ain’t met yourDessignyet.”
Chi’s phone rung.
“Speak of my fine ass fiancée, and she shallcall.I wonder what she’s calling for, though?”
“Answer it and find out, nigga.”
Chi answered, putting her on speakerphone. “What’s up, baby? You miss me already?”
Dessign’s voice cut through, smooth but sharp. “I just called to make sure you’re not out acting like you runnin’ something.”
