Page 237 of Invisible Bars
“Pineapple explosion! Flip the mattress!”
Dessign’s eyes widened slightly, but not in judgment—just respect. She nodded, waiting for me to go on.
I sat up a little straighter, switching into that more clinical voice I’d learned to use over the years—the one I leaned on when I needed structure and to sound like I wasokay.
“Tourette d-doesn’t disappear just because I’m in an intimate moment,” I explained, another smaller outburst hovering at the back of my throat. “In fact, intense stimulation—physicaloremotional—can trigger a flare-up. So yeah… during sex, my tics can get stronger. I curs. Twitched hard. S-sometimes it’s loud, sometimes it's all in my body. But I’ve learned to talk my way through it… or ride it out.”
Dessign paused for a moment, giving me a slow, thoughtful nod.
“Damn. That’s wild… and kind of sexy in a 'real life ain’t perfect but we embrace it' type of way.”
Another burst of frustration broke the silence.
“Don’t even think about touching the thermostat, Gerald!” I exclaimed, my tone incredulous.
I blinked in surprise and then smirked playfully.
“G-girl, I don’t even know anyone named Gerald!”
We both erupted into laughter, the tension easing as humor filled the air.
“Does my brother ever treat you like sort of delicate flower when y’all have sex? Fragile, to better put it?” she asked with narrowed eyes.
Her question took me for a loop.
“Actually… no. He might not be aswildas Chi is with you,” I smirked, “But he’s rough. Your brother doesn’t cut me any slack just b-because of my condition.”
Dessign’s lips curled into a mischievous grin, her eyes sparkling with intrigue.
My voice softened, though, and I could feel the truth rising in my throat, ready to be spoken.
“Imanio makes me feel like… like nothing about me is broken. Even when my body’s twitching or I curse mid-k-kiss, he doesn’t jump or stares… he juststays.He makes me feel like every part of me stillmatters… stillworks. Like Tourette’s isn’t a flaw—it’s just a piece of me and he holds that piece just like all the others.”
“I love that for you,” Dessign said. “Forus. That we have men who don’t just tolerate our differences, but show up in the middle of them. Men who hold space, not pity. Who still seeallof us, even when the world swears we come with a warning label.”
I nodded, heart swelling. “I love it for us too.”
“Now you’ve asked all about my sex life, but aren’t you abitcurious how I got in this damn chair in the first place?”
“I mean.. y-yeah. But I figured you’d tell me when you were ready… or maybe Imanio would one day just out the b-blue.”
Dessign didn’t reply immediately. The playful sarcasm she wore just a moment ago faded and was replaced by something quieter… more real.
“You know what? I respect that you didn’t ask sooner,” she said, taking me by surprise. “I mean, I knew you were curious—I mean, who wouldn’t be? But you let me come to you when I was ready. That’s real. You didn’t even ask my brother… that’s rare. Most bitches be dying to know, like it’s fuckin’ entertainment.”
Dessign twisted her straw slowly between her fingers, eyes drifting to the sky.
“I was in love,” she began with a sigh, almost like it tasted unfamiliar.
I set my fork down and gave her my full attention.
“Like… stupid, dramatic, dress-in-the-dark-to-run-away kind of love. My ex and I were on our way to elope in Vegas. I didn’t tell anybody… not even Imanio.”
Her smile was distant—nostalgic but pained.
“We got to the chapel, and I suddenly remembered that old tradition—something old, something new.I had everything but something new. Silly, I know. But I wanted it to feelreal…like it mattered. So I left him there and jumped back in the car to go grab something. I had a bracelet at our hotel that I’d made the week before.”
Her hand hovered over her straw, not sipping anymore—just moving, like she needed something to do.
