Page 107 of Invisible Bars
“I forget every lil’ emotion makes ‘em stir up. But nah, it’s cool. Back to my granny. She used to hum gospel while whipping eggs with a fork, made me brush my teeth with baking soda ‘cause we ain’t have toothpaste sometimes. And her hugs? Man, they was loud. Not in sound, but in feeling.”
Chi leaned back and looked up for a second like he could still see her hanging laundry or popping her fan at the neighborhood boys.
I nodded, trying not to cry.
“So who did you stay with after she… she died?” ,
Chi paused for a second, then rubbed a hand down his face like he was trying to press the memory away.
“After she passed… man, I lost it and started slippin’. Slept on strangers’ couches, in stairwells, even had a week in this broke-down Crown Vic with a trash bag for a window. There was a time I didn’t eat for three days straight. My damn stomach was in knots so bad, I thought I was dying. Some days I’d wash up in gas station bathrooms. I remember this one winter—cold as hell—I slept in an abandoned house with busted windows. Rats was in there like they paid rent. I used my hoodie as a pillow and my pride as a blanket.”
I stayed quiet, heart aching at the way he said it—so casual.
“I even remember getting jumped just for having a decent pair of shoes on… shoes somebody else gave me, mind you. Shit like that messes with your head.”
I blinked back the sting behind my eyes.
“That’s… that’s not fair,” I finally said, quietly, a tic jerking my shoulder. “I hate you had to go through that. Lif-f-fe can be so damn cruel sometimes.”
Chi looked at me, and for a brief moment, the usual humor behind his eyes faded.
“Yeah,” he said. “It really can. Because it didn’t give a damn about me during that time. But… hard times also shows you what you’re capable of overcoming. It builds skin thick enough to walk through hell and not flinch.”
“Wh-Where was Imanio during this time? Were the two of you friends back then?” I asked out of curiosity.
“Hell yeah! And remind me to tell you how we met after this. But yeah, he had been gone from the hood by then. But they weren’t ‘rich’ then. Still, he looked out where he could. He never let me drown. I might’ve been swimming with weights on, but he kept tossing me floaties, you feel me?”
Damn.
Chi looked at me directly then, and I saw it—the vulnerability hiding behind all his jokes.
“That’s why I got his back like I do. It ain’t no obligation thing; it’s personal.Loyalty means everything to a person when they have nothing.”
Facts.
The room fell quiet again. I opened my mouth to say something; to tell him that I understood more than he knew, but Chi waved it off with that signature smirk.
“But yeah, that’s my story. We all got one, right?”
“Ri-right,” I murmured, my throat thick with emotion.
“Maybe we’ll have Storytime another day. Just make sure you keep that lil’ bear close. A grandmother’s love doesn’t fade easy. Even when they’re gone, they’re still here,” he encouraged before adding with a wink. “Now don’t go crying! I ain’t got tissues, and I draw the line at comforting folks without snacks!”
I laughed, and my neck involuntarily jerked forward.
That was Chi—just enough softness to crack the door, but never enough to let it swing all the way open.
“Now… next topic!” he said, snapping back into character a bit.
And just like that, the wall was back up.
"On some real shit, I know you probably hate this whole thing, but I see how he looks at you. And I see how you look at him when you think nobody's watching. He’s different with you. That nigga even took off work… and henevertakes off.”
My smile faded a little. "He… he said he wouldn’t hurt me."
The words slipped out quieter than I meant them to, but they carried all the weight pressing on my chest. I wasn’t asking just for the sake of hearing reassurance; I needed to hear it from Chi. Out of everyone, he knew him best. I’d seen the way they moved around each other—loyal like brothers but honest enough to keep each other in check. If anybody could call him out on his bullshit or confirm his sincerity, it was Chi.
"And he won’t if he hasn’t by now. But you gotta understand, Imanio don’t know what the hell he’s doing with a woman like you. He’s never even had a real girlfriend. Don’t tell him I told you that. He’s just different with you. He’s trying, in his own messed-up, control-freak way.”
