Page 83 of A Lot to Unpack
‘We’ll have to plan a trip,’ Dad says.
‘I’ve always wanted to go,’ Mum adds. ‘Is it like it is on TV?’
I smile to myself. As much as it hurts, it’s nice to think about what Jordan did, taking me on a sillySex and the Citytour.
‘It really is,’ I reply.
Mum reaches out and puts a hand over mine.
‘I’m so glad you had a nice time, darling,’ she tells me. ‘You deserve something good after… after what happened. After everything.’
As she smiles, I notice her eyes welling up.
‘I’m just so pleased you’ve had a nice time, you’ve got a job you enjoy, and you’ve met a nice man,’ she says. ‘That’s all – ignore me.’
And now I’m filling up but they’re not happy tears. It’s like I’m in mourning.
‘Give over, you two,’ Dad teases. ‘You’re putting me off my lasagne.’
I eat a mouthful of lasagne to avoid having to say anything.
Eventually we carry on chatting and eating, them asking me questions about the city, me trying to answer without blubbing. They both seem so happy for me, so proud of me. It’s making thisfeel so much worse because I really did almost have it all, didn’t I? A cool job, a good man, a heart that wasn’t broken.
And I lost it. Just like that. In a New York minute.
33
I thought I’d be safe, hiding in my parents’ guest room, keeping my head down before the wedding.
Turns out I was wrong, because I can hear a knocking on the door and Hannah calling out my name.
She’s not going to go away; she knows I’m in here, and if she thought I was sleeping, well, she wouldn’t still be knocking.
I pull myself to my feet and answer.
‘Heeeey!’ I say brightly. A little too brightly, maybe.
‘You made it,’ she replies.
‘Of course,’ I say, refusing to read anything into her choice of words, because I have enough problems.
‘I have something for you,’ she says.
She opens up a small box to reveal a yellow flower on a pin.
‘Everyone is wearing them,’ she tells me. ‘This is yours. It’s symbolic.’
‘Lovely,’ I reply. ‘What does it symbolise?’
‘Well, just, like, flowers, growth, new beginnings – I don’t know, the florist really convinced me though.’ She pauses to laugh at herself. ‘Also, I just really like yellow, so the more yellow the better, right?’
‘Right,’ I reply, although I can’t say I’ve ever had that thought.
I pick up the flower, twirling it between my fingers. I guess it is symbolic, in a way. It’s cheerful. Hopeful. Everything I’m not currently feeling.
‘Soooo,’ Hannah says, far too casually, plonking herself down on my bed. ‘What time’s your man getting here tomorrow?’
I pause. She’s watching me. I can tell. That slow, creeping curiosity, laced with a hint of suspicion.
