Page 69 of You Had Me at Chateau
Caleb laughs.
‘What actually happened is that my dad left, when things got tough between him and my mum, and he never came back, never bothered on birthdays or Christmases, and we were cut off from his side of the family,’ Caleb explains. ‘My mum didn’t really have any family either, and she died just before my TV debut.’
‘Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,’ I tell him.
‘She had… she…’
Caleb sounds like he has a bit of a lump in his throat.
‘It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me,’ I insist. ‘We’ve got plenty of time to talk.’
‘One of the reasons I wanted to do the show was to raise money for her,’ he says. ‘Anyway, she passed before I had the chance, but I honour her memory by raising money and awareness for charities that will help people who were in the situation we were in.’
‘That’s so incredible,’ I point out. ‘She would be so proud of you, if she could see what you were doing.’
He takes a deep breath, as though he’s recomposing himself.
‘I hope so,’ he replies. ‘It certainly makes the anal beads a lot easier to wear.’
I laugh.
‘I think you’re right about my parents, you know,’ I tell him, taking his cue to move the conversation along. ‘My parents have been referring to whatever they’re going through as pre-divorcing.’
‘Yeah, they clearly don’t want to split up,’ he points out. ‘Perhaps when you get home you can work out what’s the matter, and help them work around it.’
‘Gosh, I hope so,’ I reply with a sigh. ‘Anyway, thanks for cheering Tom up, at least. Even if it just helps him to keep sane until I get home.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Caleb replies.
It’s nice, to see Tom and Caleb getting on so well – he didn’t have to open up to him like that – and I’m amazed at how Caleb has instantly put Tom’s worries to bed. Bloody hell, even I feel a bit better, after hearing his words.
‘You know, you’re pretty deep, for an influencer,’ I point out.
‘None taken,’ Caleb jokes – implying I should have followed my statement with: no offence.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it,’ I reply, laughing awkwardly. ‘I meant it as a compliment.’
‘I was on this planet for a long time, before this was my job,’ he points out. ‘I was a teacher, actually, not too far into my career, but it wasn’t an easy job to keep up, not when your mum is ill. I’ve always wanted to help people, I knew that much, so I started training to be a grief counsellor, but ironically, when you’re grieving yourself, it’s not that easy. I got lucky, with the timing of the show, because it set me on a different path. I do still like to help people, though, so sometimes I can’t resist sticking my beak in, offering people advice if I think I can help.’
I smile at him.
‘I get that,’ I tell him. ‘The reason I wanted to write funny books was to make people happy. I always thought that if I could make people smile, even when they were going through a shit time, then I would leave this world a little better than I found it.’
‘That’s great,’ he tells me. ‘That’s my motto too. And I’m sure you do make people really, really happy.’
‘Oh, yeah, I make them happy enough, just not horny enough,’ I joke. ‘It’s always worth it, for the lovely emails and messages I get from people who do enjoy what I do, but you are always going to have people who don’t get what you’re going for. Lots of people say they enjoy my books, but then follow it up with a comment saying they’re not complex, or deep – as though I don’t work hard to keep them that way. I don’t want to make people think, I don’t want to be the reason for anyone’s existential crisis, I don’t want to make them sad, I don’t even really want to make anyone all that horny. I just want to make people smile. To make their dark days lighter. Sometimes it’s just not that deep.’
‘It was reading that got me through losing my mum,’ he tells me. ‘Crime books. Nothing too heavy, or deep, just mysteries that needed solving, and detectives picking through the clues to figure it all out. It took me out of my reality and into somewhere I could breathe.’
‘People who don’t read don’t get it, but there’s a lot to be said for not getting lost in a book, but hiding away in one,’ I reply.
Caleb smiles at me.
‘Anyway, I’m just happy to help,’ he says. ‘It was nothing.’
Maybe there’s more to this influencer gig – and to Caleb – than I first thought.
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