Page 39 of You Had Me at Chateau
‘You’re a dark horse, aren’t you?’ Bette teases, waggling her eyebrows, refusing to let it go.
‘No. No, I’m not,’ I insist, shaking my head so vigorously it gives me a headache. ‘In fact, I was hoping I could speak to you ladies about it.’
‘About your sex life?’ Mandy exclaims, her fork hovering in front of her mouth like she’s suspended in time.
‘No, about my book,’ I reply quickly, feeling my cheeks flush – or flush more, I guess, because I’m still bright red from showcasing a dildo on the breakfast table.
‘What are you having trouble with?’ Gina asks.
‘Jen wants me to write spicy scenes,’ I tell them. ‘I’ve never done it before. In fact, I always tend to favour the com over the rom. But Jen thinks it’s important, and she wants me to try, but I just don’t know where to begin.’
‘Do you have anything I can read?’ Gina asks. ‘I could give you some pointers?’
‘I can’t even get anything on the page,’ I confess. ‘Or, if I do, I delete it. Everything I write is just so cringey. It feels like spice for the sake of it, I don’t know how to do it authentically. Does that make sense?’
‘Well, you’ve come to the right place,’ Gina says with a confident smile. ‘Spice is my thing. First, you need to connect with the feelings yourself. If you can’t feel the love, neither can your characters.’
‘So, what do you suggest?’ I ask, feeling a bit desperate. Presumably she isn’t going to tell me to get a boyfriend because, believe me, sis, I would if I could.
‘Take one of my books upstairs and woo yourself,’ Gina says, her eyes twinkling with mischief. ‘Get in touch with your own feelings, and your own body. If you can’t turn on yourself, how are you going to turn on your readers?’
I wince. I think that pretty much sums up the problem I’m having. How am I going to turn anyone on?
‘So your homework is to turn yourself on,’ Gina tells me.
I blink at her, unsure if I’ve heard correctly.
‘You mean…?’
‘Yes, exactly,’ Gina says, completely unfazed. ‘Take this box of goodies up to your room, light some candles, run a bath, read some steamy scenes, and just let yourself go. Woo yourself.’
Sorry, it’s just that it sounds a bit like she’s telling me to go upstairs and have a wank. She’s not telling me to do that, is she? Oh, she is. Oh, boy, I feel awkward. I’d rather go back to looking at the dildo together.
‘Trust me,’ Gina insists.
‘You won’t know until you try,’ Bette chimes in. ‘It’s all in the name of research. Gina’s advice worked wonderfully for me.’
Bette has Gina levels of spice in herSummer at the Seasidebooks? I’ve read Gina’s spicy scenes, and it’s hard to imagine any of Bette’s characters getting their back blown out behind a beach hut.
‘Right,’ I say slowly. ‘Research.’
‘Just spare us the details,’ Mandy insists, which is funny, because that’s the opposite of what I’m supposed to do in the book.
‘Maybe I’ll give it a go,’ I tell them, almost certain that I won’t. I mean, I guess I could set the scene, and hope that it inspires me, but… oh, I don’t know.
‘That’s the spirit,’ Gina says, clapping her hands. ‘Trust me, if you can tap into those naughty thoughts, your writing will be so much stronger. And who knows, you might even learn a bit more about yourself along the way.’
Bette leans in, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.
‘So, guess who I saw on my way to bed last night,’ she starts, her voice low and breathy.
‘Go on,’ Mandy prompts her.
‘Henri,’ she announces triumphantly. ‘And I decided to conduct a little experiment.’
‘Oh, do tell,’ Mandy says, her interest piqued.
Bette grins, clearly relishing the opportunity to share her story.
