Page 22 of The Suite Life
‘Blood cannons?’ Zoe continues, her disbelief turning into a mix of horror and fascination.
Tom’s eyes widen to the point where it briefly changes his hairline.
‘That’s your takeaway from this?’ Tom asks her. ‘Not the orgy?’
‘Well, I’ve heard of orgies,’ Zoe points out. ‘Not that I’ve ever been to one.’
She gets that disclaimer in there like lightning.
‘God, and I thought the Roscoe story was cringe,’ Tom points out.
‘Well, you know me, I don’t like to disappoint,’ I say with a laugh, bowing for comedic effect.
‘So… last night… you didn’t?’ Tom checks curiously.
‘No, Tom, unsurprisingly I didn’t,’ I answer with a sarcastic level of casualness. ‘That’s not really why I was there, and I don’t think rocking up to the wedding with three dates, looking like horny pall-bearers, is going to hit the spot, do you?’
Tom bursts into laughter, appreciating the unexpected turn of the conversation. There’s nothing like a joke to take the edge off a shock.
‘I’m sorry there’s no time for me to find you someone else,’ he says, still chuckling.
‘Please don’t apologise, and definitely don’t try to find me someone else,’ I insist, only half joking. ‘I’m not sure I can keep up with your clientele.’
‘I won’t know where to look the next time I cut his hair,’ Tom muses out loud.
‘Just be sure to warn me when he’s coming in, so I can hide behind the boxes in the storeroom,’ I suggest.
‘So, how long are you in Hawaii, before the wedding?’ Zoe asks, getting the conversation back on track.
‘My flight is tomorrow, and then we’re there for about a week,’ I reply.
‘So maybe enough time to find yourself a holiday romance?’ Zoe suggests optimistically. ‘You never know who you might meet. Surely it must be easy to get someone already there to go to a wedding with you?’
‘I mean, you say that, but look at how terribly I’m doing here,’ I remind her. ‘Lewis – AKA Doctor Mad – really was well and truly crackers. Kane thought an orgy might be a good first-date icebreaker. And then, even with someone like Roscoe, who seemed great – not only did I manage to tank the date completely – by being myself – but he’s already messaged meand asked me for Kelly Parker’s phone number because he saw her on my profile. Part of me wonders if he was only feeding me to get to her.’
‘It’s a tale as old as time,’ Tom jokes.
I sigh dramatically.
‘At least you get a holiday,’ Zoe adds optimistically. ‘You’re going to Hawaii tomorrow. The only place I’m going tomorrow, other than work, is the dentist. At least you’re not me, being told to lie back and open wide.’
‘She almost was last night,’ Tom jokes, shaking his head. ‘An orgy. Bloody hell.’
I see my first client of the day arriving so I go to greet her in reception. One more day of work, and then it’s off to Hawaii for the wedding. I’m absolutely dreading it.
13
The plane hums with anticipation as I navigate my way down the aisle – well, it’s either that, or it’s me shaking.
Lucy and Rick’s destination wedding comes with a silver lining – if the opposite of a silver lining is a huge financial burden – free plane tickets for the VIPs in the wedding party. As sister of the bride, and chief bridesmaid, I am very happy to have made the cut.
The wedding planner who booked my ticket told me I would be sitting in what I am told is ‘premium economy’ which, other than sounding like a bit of an oxymoron, is double the price of regular economy.
As I realise I am at my assigned seat, I take a look around. Initially, the seat appears like any other, kind of like what I imagined economy would look like. I’m hoping that there are some secret bells and whistles here that I’m yet to learn about, that are going to elevate (no pun intended) my flight to the first of several eye-wateringly priced upgrades.
I sink into my seat and turn my gaze towards the window, looking out at the runway, on the dry land that I love so much.
Flying itself doesn’t bother me, but there is something about the take-off and landing that pump me full of anxiety. Once I’m up there I’ll be fine, so long as I push from my mind just how high up in the sky we are (until it’s time to come back down, obviously) but until it’s time for take-off, I’ll be a wreck.
