Page 9 of The Suite Life
‘Sorry, what are you doing?’ I can’t help but ask.
‘I’m seeing how much free cheese I can get,’ he replies, as though it’s a perfectly normal thing to say, and he’s confused as to why I’m even asking.
‘Why?’ I blurt, my eyes wide, my voice a little manic.
‘Pranking is my thing, it’s my brand,’ he tells me, as though I should already know that fact. ‘This is the kind of thing my fans love to see me do – I’ve got to keep the content coming, I have a schedule.’
I follow his gaze as it briefly flits to his phone, which I notice is standing up against his water glass, facing him.
‘Are you filming this?’ I ask in absolute disbelief.
‘Yeah,’ he replies – again, like it’s a totally normal thing to do. ‘My phone films me, and this pin badge on my jacket is actually a camera. Check it, but don’t make it obvious.’
I peer down the lens of the camera that is hiding behind the metal pin badge – of an old-school camera, which is almost offensively on the nose – and then look at him again.
‘I can blur your face in the video if you don’t want to be in it,’ he tells me, as though that’s a reasonable thing to say too.
‘Yeah, please do,’ I insist firmly. ‘This definitely isn’t my brand.’
‘Fair enough,’ he replies as he looks over my shoulder, waiting for his burger to return.
I pick up my burger and take another bite, intending to make short work of it and then make an excuse about needing to go home early. Lewis and his pranks are absolutely not my cup of tea at all, in fact, I feel so uncomfortable. These poor people are just trying to do their jobs in a busy place – they don’t need someone like Lewis coming in, acting the clown, making everything harder than it needs to be. Is this funny? Like, is it actually funny to anyone? Sometimes I’m never quite sure if I’m just getting older, or if stuff like this doesn’t appeal to anyone – then again, with the views he gets, there clearly is a market for it.
While Lewis may well be an impressive date to take to Lucy and Rick’s wedding, he would probably just mine it for content and ruin the whole thing. I would never take a chance with Lucy’s big day like that, no matter how much I want to show Nathan that I’ve moved on, and I can bag myself impressive dates too.
As Lewis’s burger is returned to him, and I watch as he once again begins the ritual of removing the cheese, I sigh to myself.
Nope, this isn’t going to work. Not at all.
6
‘Wait, what?’ Tom says, disbelief etched across his face as he hovers his scissors tentatively above his client’s head.
Even the man in his chair, who is currently mid-haired, joins the collective stare-down, his eyes locking on to mine in the mirror. Ah well, at least my disastrous date was good for something, it’s keeping everyone entertained today. I’ve got everyone around me on the hook, waiting for the next instalment of the cringy saga.
‘Oh, no, you heard me right,’ I say, adding a dash of theatrical flair. ‘He kept asking, again and again, for more cheese in his burger. Eating it, then asking again, and again, and again.’
‘Well, yeah, that’s his vibe,’ Reanna chimes in, bobbing her head with an air of nonchalant wisdom. She seems mildly surprised that the rest of us aren’t connecting the dots. ‘He makes funny videos, but he’s a prank artist at heart, so it’s a big part of his content –obviously.’
‘On a date, though?’ Tom says, his scissors still in suspense.
‘I guess it’s a great cover,’ Reanna explains with a shrug. ‘Makes it look more legit, you know?’
‘So, what did you do?’ Zoe, who is currently sitting in his chair, asks. She literally moves to the edge of her seat as she waits to find out.
‘I ate my burger – obviously – and then I made an excuse that I had to go,’ I say. ‘I put down some money for my food and then I got the hell out of there.’
‘I’ve seen a video where he and his mates took turns kicking each other in the nuts to see who was the last man standing,’ Tom’s client tells us. ‘He won.’
‘Well, thank God you didn’t sleep with him, then,’ Tom jests, his scissors snipping through the air. ‘It sounds like his equipment has taken a beating.’
I can’t help but wince at the vivid mental image.
‘He probably would have filmed it for his channel,’ Zoe adds, her tone a mix of humour and horror.
‘Yeah, just pranking you throughout,’ Tom chips in, his banter doing little to ease the cringeworthy scenario playing out in my mind.
‘I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Gigi,’ Reanna says sincerely. ‘I tried.’
