Page 1 of The Suite Life
1
This wedding is going to ruin me.
Honestly, you know weddings are going to be expensive, and they’re worth it, right? But it is only when you start planning one that you realise just how expensive they’re really going to be. Everything is so expensive – more so than it would be if it were for a big birthday party, for no reason at all – and it’s not so much that there are hidden costs, just completely random and unexpected ones.
Flowers – yeah. A cake – of course. A dress – obviously. Chair hire – what? Honestly, I’m getting a stitch thinking about it even now. I thought it was a joke when the wedding planner started banging on about chair hire. These venues – these super-duper expensive venues – don’t always come with chairs. They’ll take care of the food, the tables, the curtains that will cover the walls (for some reason it’s cool to cover the walls with curtains) but not the chairs, God forbid, you think they just have chairs lying around? They do, but you have to hire them, and so people typically hire them from somewhere better – great ones. Expensive ones!
But the reason this wedding is going to ruin me is because it’s a destination wedding – that’s a wedding and a holiday, rolled into one – and not just anywhere with a bit of sea, sand and sunshine, oh no, this one is in Hawaii.
‘A destination wedding is an absolute dream come true,’ Lucy gushes, her eyes sparkling with excitement. ‘The idea of getting married on a picturesque beach, celebrating with everyone you love, having your photos taken as the sun sets over the horizon. It’s so romantic, isn’t it?’
Lucy, my older sister, is clearly on a different page to me.
We’re in what is thankfully a relatively quiet bar – that’s me, Lucy and the other key players in this wedding – talking about the wedding, because the wedding is the most important thing, the wedding to end all weddings. Wedding, wedding, wedding. Honestly, I am sick of hearing, saying and even thinking the word: wedding.
‘Oh, absolutely!’ Nina replies. ‘I’ve always believed that everyone should get married abroad, preferably on a Tuesday.’
I raise an eyebrow as I stare at her, waiting for what she just said to make sense, or for her to explain what she means. A Tuesday?
‘If the wedding is abroad, and on a Tuesday, then you will be able to tell who is willing to make the time and the effort to be there,’ she explains. ‘Only truly committed friends and family members would make the effort to be there. You’d find out who your real friends are, and only those who are worthy would get to enjoy your special day – no freeloaders who just want a bit of food and to get drunk while you pay for it.’
I purse my lips to stifle a chuckle. The concept of throwing a weekday wedding as some sort of litmus test for friendship is a bit extreme, even for Nina.
‘I’d never thought about it like that,’ Lucy muses.
‘Probably because it’s not realistic,’ I can’t help but chime in. ‘People have jobs and homes and kids and responsibilities and commitments – all sorts of reasons why they can’t just bob to Bali on a weekday.’
‘We’re all making the effort for Hawaii,’ Nina reminds me.
We are, and it really is an effort.
‘Plus, this is already an exclusive wedding, at an exclusive location,’ Lucy reminds her.
Inwardly, I can’t help but roll my eyes. An exclusive wedding. Okay, I will admit that the Grand Palm Resort is an exclusive hotel, everyone has heard of it, whether they’ve been or not – because even rich people feel like paupers there, in comparison to those in the luxury suites, but my sister is delusional if she thinks anyone is actively trying to wangle an invitation to her wedding. She is my sister and I love her – I would travel to the moon to see her get married, if that’s what she wanted – but I’m having to use precious holiday days to take the week off work, and plane tickets to Hawaii aren’t cheap, nor are the cheapest rooms at the Grand Palm Resort, and then there’s all of the usual expenditure that comes with a wedding – see what I mean, about how this wedding is going to ruin me?
Rick, who has never been one to keep his true feelings to himself, sniggers.
‘You know, it’s daft, really.’ He starts swirling the ice in his drink. ‘The way women take weddings so bloody seriously – too seriously, even. And, Nina, come on now, that’s manipulative, crazy-woman talk. Weddings should be simple.’
‘Not all women are like that,’ I remind him, annoyed at his stereotypical viewpoint.
Rick is very much a lad’s lad. To him, women are women, and they’re emotional and crazy and obsessed with weddings. Okay, sure, women can be those things, but we’re complex creatures, with layers and layers of different traits and desires. I hate whenmen lump us all together as a bunch of girly crazies. In my experience, men can be much worse.
‘Yeah, Rick, Gigi definitely isn’t in that category,’ Nathan pipes up, jumping to my defence. ‘She’s always said she wants something small, just close family and friends at the registry office, followed by a laid-back party. Nothing grand. That’s what I’ve always wanted too.’
Nathan and I talked about our wedding on several occasions – usually when we were in bed at night, being goofy, having a laugh, chatting about anything, everything and nothing. We would always agree that, no matter what, we didn’t want a big, flashy wedding. Each time we had the conversation, the relief I felt was immeasurable. Well, most people do want a grand wedding, whereas I would cringe at the idea of all eyes being on me. Honestly, I don’t know where people find the self-confidence to walk down the aisle. But I’m the kind of girl who would pull a sicky from school, if I knew I was going to be given an award during assembly that I would have to walk onto the stage to collect – walking down the aisle is like that, but worse, because you have to do it in a special dress, that everyone is probably judging, that usually features elaborate details and parts that are ripe for an epic wardrobe malfunction. I just know that I am the sort of girl who would trip over her train or, worse, reflect the light off her sequins and somehow cause a fire that burns an entire church to the ground. Okay, maybe that’s extreme, but why chance it?
‘Well, Nathan, as the best man and not the groom, thankfully you don’t get to call the shots,’ Lucy playfully reminds him. ‘And Gigi’s the chief bridesmaid, so I know she’ll go along with whatever I want.’
Nina, who’s been sitting quietly since I disagreed with her weird Tuesday wedding theory, can’t help but pull a face. You can tell she’s livid about not being chosen as Lucy’s chiefbridesmaid because she isn’t making any sort of attempt to hide how she feels – it’s the scowls, the passive-aggressive comments, and the near constant pointing out how she could do a much better job than me at almost everything. Nina is Lucy’s friend and colleague, but I’m her sister, and in the sisterhood hierarchy I’m obviously going to take the top spot – even if Nina might actually be able to do a much better job than I could.
I’m here, despite the unresolved awkwardness that none of us are mentioning, and I’m doing my best. Not being wedding-minded, and never having planned one before, this is all new to me, but Lucy isn’t just my sister, she’s my best friend too – I couldn’t imagine doing all of this, in these circumstances, for anyone else.
‘Well, you’re out of luck, if you don’t want attention on you at your wedding,’ Nina tells Nathan, her mouth twisting into a strange smile. ‘When you get married, your bride is going to be the most jaw-dropping, show-stealing bride in the history of weddings.’
‘Yeah, I know I’m really lucky,’ Nathan says with a smile. ‘I guess, on that day, I’ll be so happy, I won’t care if everyone in the world is watching.’
‘Honestly, mate, I’m worried about you guys stealing the show at our wedding,’ Rick tells him playfully. ‘You might just be bringing the most impressive plus-one anyone here has ever met!’
