Page 78 of Ex in the City
I stare at him, holding my breath, waiting for him to continue.
‘So, I took the fall – sort of – and when he’s had a chance to talk to his missus then we can see about how we set the record straight,’ he continues. ‘I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t even know, until we got a call from theScoop. I don’t even know who the girl was but I knew it wasn’t you – I’m sorry they jumped to that conclusion.’
‘You know it wasn’t me?’ I ask curiously. ‘How do you know it wasn’t me?’
‘That wasn’t your body,’ he replies. ‘Even from the back, and even though you have the same hairstyle and colour, I can tell.’
I smile.
‘Plus, it’s a pretty recent development, but you have the tattoo of a tiger wearing a crown on your lower back,’ he reminds me.
I can’t help but laugh – then I start crying.
‘Dill, I thought it was you,’ I admit. ‘I was so quick to believe it – to think the worst of you.’
‘And so you should,’ he says, wrapping an arm around me, pulling me close for a hug. ‘I was a dick – I was going to say in a previous life but, no, it was this one – so I can’t expect you to just accept that I’ve changed, but Ihavechanged. No girls, no drinking – no nothing.’
‘Except I’ve seen you drinking,’ I remind him with a frown.
‘Have you?’ he replies. ‘Have you seen me drunk?’
‘You’ve not been getting hammered, thinking about it, but you have been drinking,’ I say. ‘It’s scary, if you’ve forgotten, or if you think you can convince me that you haven’t.’
‘I’ve been drinking alcohol-free beer,’ he tells me. ‘I haven’t had a real drink in a long time. I don’t want one either. It’s nice to have something, on a night out, on tour, that makes me feel like I’m blending in but, honestly, I couldn’t care less.’
‘So you haven’t been drinking,’ I confirm. ‘And that wasn’t you in the photo.’
‘No,’ he stresses with a laugh.
‘So, have you made any mistakes?’ I ask him, confused.
‘Maybe one,’ he replies. ‘I fell in love with my best friend, although, when I think about it, I’m not sure how much of a mistake it is.’
‘We can’t do this,’ I tell him simply. ‘We can’t live like this, right? You’re back on the wheel, you’re touring, the band is going to be bigger than before. Nothing has changed.’
‘I have,’ he tells me. ‘It’s great, to be touring again, but it’s a one-off. None of us want that life full-time any more and, the more time I spend here, with you, the more I realise that the life you have might be the one for me. I like being around the kids, I like working at the school – why can’t I have the best of both worlds?’
‘You want to settle down?’ I say, still not quite able to believe my ears.
Dylan just laughs.
‘Nicole, I already have.’
‘But what about the tour?’ I reply. ‘Won’t it be cancelled, with the recent scandal?’
‘Okay, I haven’t been completely honest with you,’ he starts. ‘The tour was always happening, there was never any threat thatif I didn’t sort myself out it wouldn’t happen. I just wanted to see you, to spend time with you, to show you that I’d changed. If I had called you up and told you that I was a whole new person, would you have believed me?’
‘No,’ I reply firmly. ‘But I would have wanted to see you anyway.’
‘When we were together, the other night, it felt right, didn’t it?’ he says.
I nod my head.
‘I felt like I’d come home,’ he tells me. ‘You’re my home. I don’t care where that is, or how we do this, but it has to be you. I have to be with you.’
‘I am not a happy woman,’ I tell him. ‘I go through the motions, every day, and I feel this huge hole in my heart, and I have no idea how to fill it. Sometimes I think I see it, as I glance around, just these little glimmers of – almost like déjà vu – and it ruins my day. And just when I had decided that I would probably never feel real happiness, you came back into my life. Suddenly everything had meaning again and that hole, well, I thought you were distracting me from it, but I guess it turns out you were filling it. You’re my happiness, my missing piece of the puzzle.’
‘Nic, I don’t care what we do,’ he replies. ‘I don’t care if we run off on tour and you stay right by my side, watching every move I make – because I never could do any of it without you, and I don’t want to start out now. Or fuck the tour, I won’t do it, I’ll buy this house – I know how fond you are of the décor. I don’t care what we do, where we do it, or why. I just need my best friend back.’
