Page 62 of Ex in the City
‘I’m fine,’ he tells me, squeezing my hand. ‘There will always be people who write you off, based on your past mistakes, even when you’re trying to change. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be better. What does bother me is that, in the face of all of this, you’re worrying about me.’
I sigh, lying back on the bed, exhaling deeply as I try to push all of the stress out of my body.
‘I suppose, because I knew I wasn’t in love with him, I shouldn’t care,’ I say. ‘But, going off Mr C’s dates, Rowan did itwhen we were still together, when – okay, I wasn’t the happiest – but I thought we were happy. We were settled and committed, and while that picture was being taken I was probably looking after his kids.’
I close my eyes to try to stop the tears from escaping but it’s no good. I feel them run from my eyes, down to my ears.
My eyes still tightly closed, I feel Dylan lie down next to me. Then I feel his hand on my bare stomach. As he gently strokes my skin, he sings to me quietly. It’s his soft, paced-down take on ‘The Power of Love’ by Huey Lewis and the News – one of my favourite songs.
It’s been years since he did this, since he sang me to sleep when I was having a bad day, and not only does it work just as well as it used to do, instantly calming me down, but there it is, that feeling, that fire when he touches me, like he’s holding a naked flame against my skin.
And I’ve never felt it with anyone but him.
28
I’m awake, and not just because it’s morning, but because I am well and truly awake – my eyes have been opened.
After giving myself the time to feel sad last night, I’ve woken up with a clarity that’s surging through me like a triple shot of caffeine. It practically fuels my steps as I march across the road to Rowan’s house.
The funny thing is that, before, when I broke up with Rowan over his ridiculous scam, I often wondered if I’d made the right call. Back then, part of me questioned whether I was too harsh or if I was just looking for an excuse to call things off because the butterflies and the fireworks weren’t there. But now, after knowing he cheated on me, there’s no going back. What Rowan did, the whole package of arseholery, has killed any lingering feelings I had left for him. I’ve been cheated on before, I didn’t care for it, and I vowed I’d never put up with it again. So I have whizzed through the stages of grief, and now my mourning is complete (I highly recommend the fast-track service), and all that is left to do now is to tell him to go fuck himself. One final time.
This morning, waking up in bed with Dylan, it didn’t feel strange at all. It felt oddly comforting, like he’s my protector, one who isn’t going to let anything bad happen to me on his watch.
I’m grateful that today is the big day, the day the band hits the road for their mini-tour to support their big announcement, and I’m going with them. Escaping this place, getting away from Rowan for a few days while I figure out my next move, is exactly what I need right now. Time and space to devise a plan. But for now, it’s time to end this once and for all.
I stride into the house, making my way straight upstairs. Rowan must hear me from the kitchen because he is hot on my heels, I’m only in the bedroom for a few seconds before he appears.
‘Decided to come home, did you?’ Rowan says, sarcasm oozing from his words. ‘I take it you stayed withhim, and those are his clothes you’re wearing.’
‘You’re not as stupid as you look,’ I reply. ‘Where are the kids?’
‘They’re still asleep,’ he replies.
‘Okay, I’ll make this quick,’ I say as I grab a suitcase and start stuffing it with my things.
‘Whoa, okay, what are you doing?’ he asks, genuinely puzzled, and clearly alarmed by the sight of my suitcase. ‘You’re the one who was keeping secrets from me – I should be throwing you out.’
‘You think?’ I reply, pulling out the photo from my pocket and lightly slapping it onto his chest, right over his heart. He takes it, his expression darkening as he looks at it, as he realises what it is.
‘It’s not… it’s not what it looks like,’ he stammers.
‘As incredible as it would be to hear you come up with a remotely plausible explanation for this photo, I’m really not interested,’ I say, my tone ice-cold.
‘Okay, look, maybe I overreacted about the newspaper thing,’ he tries to explain. ‘I was helping Rebecca and Lisa with the slideshow for the fundraiser, and it came out that Lisa remembered you from the news, because she was such a huge fan of Dylan’s. I was hurt that you didn’t tell me, and I went along with the plan, but, okay, I appreciate what you’re saying, a photo can look bad, even when it isn’t.’
I return from the en suite with the bathroom essentials I need, giving him a filthy look that quickly transforms into a burst of laughter.
‘Okay, but here’s the thing,’ I begin, my tone somewhere between amused and exasperated. ‘In the picture of me and Dylan, we were on the floor, okay? We were on the floor together, fair enough, but I can think of a whole bunch of reasons why that might happen that aren’t remotely sexual – including the truth, which is that we fell. But in your photo, the one of you and Carrie, you are kissing. Kissing. Your lips are touching. There’s no excuse, and even if there was, guess what? I don’t care. You could have been sucking venom from a sting on her lips to save her life, and I would not care. It wouldn’t make me want you again. You have behaved so terribly, and so disrespectfully, at pretty much every opportunity. So, I’ve cleaned up your mess – you’re welcome – and now I’m going to go. I’m going away for a few nights, with Dylan, and then I’m coming back to get the rest of my things, and then I’m gone for good. It’s time we ended this.’
‘You can’t do that,’ Rowan protests, his voice trembling.
‘Watch me,’ I tell him firmly. ‘Perhaps Carrie will wash your shirts – if you can find her – and maybe Rebecca will do the school runs for you. But I am not playing this stupid game any more.’
I head back downstairs, struggling with my suitcase, Rowan still right there behind me.
‘Let me help you,’ he says, grovelling. ‘Why don’t you take your trip, cool down, have a think about things?’
‘Okay, sure, I’ll go on my trip, and I’ll think about how you cheated on me,’ I reply with a snort.
