Page 55 of Ex in the City
‘And then I walked in,’ he says.
‘And then you walked in,’ I confirm. ‘And you were drunk, and the first conclusion you jumped to was that something was going on between me and Mikey, that we were carrying on behind your back. So I just thought, seeing how bothered you were about it, that I would tell you that you were right, that me and Mikey were together, because I knew how much you always hated coming second to Mikey – I thought it might shock you into doing something – and Mikey went along with it. And I guess it worked in a way, because you did go to rehab soon after, but you also didn’t speak to either of us ever again until, well, now.’
Dylan looks at me with suspicion.
‘But I walked in on the two of you at it in the bathroom,’ he says.
‘We were just talking,’ I tell him. ‘You were wasted.’
‘No, that last night, we were in Liverpool, and I came to find you after the soundcheck and?—’
‘Dill, we were in Birmingham,’ I remind him. ‘You were wasted.’
‘But it doesn’t make sense,’ he says. ‘I spoke to Mikey briefly, maybe five or six years ago, and you were still together – you must have been together for years?’
I shake my head.
‘I was so sure – I’m sure someone said your name,’ he replies, racking his brain, looking frustrated that he can’t remember.
‘His wife is called Nicola, right?’ I point out. ‘And their eldest is at least four…’
‘Oh my God, I’ve been such an idiot,’ he says. ‘I thought it was you. Mikey called me up one Christmas out of the blue, years ago, and said that his girlfriend thought she had overheard my voice in the background of a phone call – I assumed it was you, encouraging him to reach out, to reconnect with me, but the last thing I wanted was to see the two of you together, so I never met up with him. I even told the people around me that I’d figured stuff out with him, and with you,just to stop talking about it all, to bury it at the back of my mind again. I don't think he even said your name, I think he just said “girlfriend” and I assumed the worst, that his girlfriend was you. Did I torture myself over nothing?’
Poor Dylan. It must be awful to realise that you’re not exactly a reliable narrator, not even when it comes to talking about your memories.
‘I’m guessing that was Nicola. Dylan, I owe you a huge apology,’ I tell him. ‘I honestly thought that my meddling would help. Needless to say, I’ve worked on my methods a lot sincethen. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for lying to you, I’m sorry I hurt you… I’m just sorry. I just wanted to help.’
He turns to face away from me and composes himself for a second. I feel sick with nerves as I wait to hear what he has to say. God, I hope he isn’t furious with me. I really was only trying to help him. The tears that have been threatening to fall, that I’ve been trying to hold back throughout my explanation, finally find an escape.
Dylan turns around, grabs me and pulls me close.
‘I’m the one who is sorry,’ he tells me as he hugs me. ‘I’m sorry for what I put you all through, I’m sorry you felt like you had to do anything about it. You did help me. You stopped me making one of the biggest mistakes of my life because, honestly, I really thought I was doing better then. I thought I was drinking less, I thought I was behaving, and I really thought I was going to win you back. But I would have ruined your fucking life, and that would have been too much for me to take. But look at us now, that’s all that matters. You did the right thing, okay?’
He relaxes a little, letting me move back so we can look at each other.
‘I’m sorry you had to go through all of that alone,’ I tell him.
‘I think I needed to go through it alone, to do it for myself,’ he reassures me.
I can see every single emotion behind his eyes. The sadness, the relief, the gratitude.
Dylan places a hand on my face and wipes away a tear with his thumb.
‘You’ve had that bottled up for a while, hmm?’ he says with a smile.
‘Just a bit,’ I say, laughing with relief, happy to see that he’s okay.
‘I get why you did what you did and, looking at it through “present eyes”, which is probably the only other rehab thing Iremember – aside from the obvious one – I’m actually glad to hear it,’ he says.
‘Yeah?’ I reply.
‘Yeah,’ he says, the picture of casual coolness again. ‘I thought you were my brother’s ex. Now I know you’re not, that changes things.’
‘It does?’ I say, my breathing quickening.
‘It definitely makes awkward conversation number two a lot less awkward, right?’
I laugh.
