Page 88 of When the Stars Rise
“Maybe,” I admit. “But I don’t think she liked Shiloh. Not that she never came out and said it…”
“Just that the McCallisters have looser morals than the Petersons.” Noah snorts.
I can’t believe he remembered that. “She wasn’t too happy to find you in my bedroom in the middle of the night.”
“With a boner tenting my shorts.”
We laugh. Itwasfunny, not to my parents but to us.
Noah was staying with his dad that weekend, and when my mother called him to pick up Noah, she was expecting Brody to give his son a lecture. Brody tried to look stern, but he could barely contain his laughter. That didn’t win him any favors with my parents.
“Your parents weren’t big fans of Shiloh or my dad,” Noah points out.
It’s not a secret. We both knew it. “They loved you, though.” And they did. My mother found him charming (barring that incident with the boner when we were fifteen).
They liked Jude and Lila, too, and thought they were good parents.More sensible than his father.
Poor Brody always got a bum rap when you couldn’t ask for a better dad.
He loves his son—both sons—more than life itself.
“Look, don’t take this the wrong way,” Noah says. “But I don’t think your mom would come into your dreams and tell you not to mend the rift with Shiloh.”
“Then how do you explain what my mom said?” I challenge.
“I don’t know. But your mom would never be that selfish. She always put you first, and I don’t see why that would change now.”
He makes it sound as if she’s still here guiding me. And who knows? Maybe she is. According to Caleb, we all have spirits guiding us.
But Noah’s right. My mom wouldn’t show up in my dreams to give me more guilt when my cup is already overflowing.
If anything, my parents tended to be too overprotective.
Regardless, I’m not looking forward to the next two days in Denver. I dread seeing Shiloh again. As soon as the thought enters my mind, I feel horrible for thinking it.
God. Why am I like this?
I have to stop running from my problems and start facing them head-on.
I need to apologize to Shiloh, stop blaming her for things that weren’t her fault, and find a way to move forward.
Everything Lila said in Nashville was true. It’s time to forgive and accept Shiloh back into my life.
That’s what I need to do, and I know that. My therapist and I have discussed it numerous times, but it’s easier said than done.
Baby steps. You don’t have to climb the whole mountain in a day.
I’ve faced tougher challenges and came through to the other side so I know I can do this.
As for Noah and me, Everly was right. Noah is still here, alive and well, and we still have a chance to fix whatever is broken. I’m ready to do that. I’m ready to face my fears and find a way for us to have it all.
Because a life without Noah is just too sad for words, and I don’t want to go back to beingjust friends. I want all of him. I want everything.
I feel so good about my decision that I turn to Noah, ready to say the words, but laugh to myself.
He’s fast asleep.
It doesn’t matter though. I’m going to say it anyway.
