Page 138 of When the Stars Rise
The front of the car accordioned, and the steering wheel pinned Dale to his seat. Meredith had been partially ejected through the windshield and the front passenger seat was crushed against the dash and I will never understand how my seat was the only one left fully intact.
Why me? Why was I the lucky one who walked away uninjured?
“And my mom?” Hayley asks quietly. “Was she still…”
“She was unconscious.” I force myself to meet her eyes, so she knows I’m telling the truth. “I don’t… I don’t think she felt anything.” I think it’s true. I pray like hell that she was too out of it to know what was going on.
“Then what happened?” Hayley prompts.
I hesitate. This is the worst part of all, the memory that haunts my dreams.
“Noah,” she says softly. “I need you to tell me everything.”
I take a final stab at changing her mind. “I really can’t see how it will help—”
“I need to know. The whole truth, Noah.”
Fuck. She’s watching my face so intently that there’s no way I’d be able to get away with lying. She’d see it in my eyes and catch me in the lie, and maybe that’s what I should do. Just make something up so she doesn’t have to live with this. Even if it means losing her forever, isn’t that what you should do for the person you love?
“Hayley—”
“You got me out of the car…” She’s not backing down, and I can see the steely resolve in her expression. Everly’s words come back to me. Hayley’s stronger than I give her credit for but what if this is what ultimately breaks her? “Keep going, Noah and don’t stop until you’ve told me everything.”
Fucking hell.
If this breaks her, then I’ll be right here to pick up the pieces.
“I got you out of the car, carried you a good distance away from it and laid you down on a bed of leaves where you wouldn’t see what was happening if you regained consciousness. Then I went back to help your parents.”
I cover my mouth with my fist as the events of that night play out like a movie in my head and I’m right back in that ravine on the night the world burned.
I was determined to save Dale Peterson. I had to do it. Our eyes met through the glass and his lips were moving. I think he was telling me to run but I can’t be sure. His face was covered in blood, lit up by the flames, and I saw the terror flash across his face. Then I saw something else. Resignation. An acceptance that this was the end.
He held up his hand, trying to ward me off but no way in hell was I giving up on him so I charged toward the car. The heat was so intense. Sweat poured down my face and stung my eyes,and I was choking on the smoke. My lungs were burning, vision blurred but I was on a mission to rescue him, so I didn’t let any of that stop me.
I blocked it all out and focused on Dale, wadded up my suit jacket and used it to grab the door handle. I yanked and pulled until the door creaked open and hope flooded my body. I was going to do it. I was going to get him out of there.
A burst of adrenaline shot through my veins, and I grabbed the doorframe, dug in my heels, and put my weight into it. And I did it. I opened his door and all I had to do was get him out of that fucking car.
I was so close…so close.
But the next thing I knew I was knocked on my ass. It must have been the backdraft. I don’t know. It’s the only part of the night that’s still a blank. But I ended up a good ten feet from the car with no idea how I’d gotten there.
When I staggered to my feet, I reeled back, my hands going to my head. The car was engulfed in flames, and I just stood there, and I watched it burn. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t do anything except stand there, my feet rooted to the ground, my legs made of lead while I watched that car burn.
A thought kept running through my head.
How am I going to explain this to Hayley? How can I tell her that I watched her parents die and did nothing to save them?
When the fire started spreading, heading straight for Hayley, I spurred into action, and I got my legs to move.
I lifted her into my arms, carried her up that fucking hill, and I left her parents behind.
If only I’d had a little more time. That was all I needed. Two more minutes and I could have pulled Dale out of that car.
A wave of nausea rolls through me and I throw up in the bushes, wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and wish to God I could have saved them.
It’s haunted me for years. My greatest failure. My biggest regret.
