Page 126 of When the Stars Rise
“Okay, I get that,” she says softly. “I do.” She puts her hand on my arm and I turn my head to look at her. “But do you know why he started BASE jumping?”
The answer is so obvious. “Because he’s an addict and he needs a bigger rush,” I say glumly.
“Maybe,” she says slowly. “But BASE jumping was on Zeke’s bucket list. He thinks he needs to do this for Zeke.”
My brow furrows. “He told you that?”
“Not in so many words, no. But I know what was on Zeke’s list. It was very specific. He had it taped to his bedroom wall butwhen I went to clean out his room, it was gone. I’m pretty sure Noah took it.”
I think about that for a minute. “But that only proves my point. He knew how Zeke died. He was there. That’s why we broke up the second time. Even after what happened to Zeke, he walked away from me and went on that skydiving trip.” My eyes drift shut and I want to punch myself in the face. “God, I’m sorry. I’m doing it again. I shouldn’t be talking about any of this with you.”
“Hey. You absolutely should. I’m the perfect person to talk about this with.”
She sounds so sincere, and I know she means it. I don’t know how she does it, I really don’t. But I guess it took her almost two years to get to the point where she can talk openly about Zeke. If I lost Noah, I feel like it would take me a lifetime.
“Zeke didn’t die the way you think he did, Hayley.” She pauses. “Skydiving didn’t kill Zeke.”
“What?” I shake my head. That can’t be right. “But Noah told his family that it was faulty equipment. The parachute didn’t open…”
“Noah told Zeke’s family what they needed to hear.”
I sag against my seat and try to process what she’s telling me. If Zeke didn’t die because of faulty equipment, then… oh my God.
“Noah lied? But why? Why would he lie about something like that?”
“The Harringtons were Zeke’s family, but they didn’t know him the way I did.” She’s spinning the silver and turquoise band on her ring finger, a curtain of hair covering the side of her face. Zeke had the ring made for her. I remember when he gave it to her for her twentieth birthday. He had it engraved on the inside:For Ever and Forever Yours, Zeke. “They didn’t know him the way Noah did.”
“But Noah only knew Zeke for two years.”
She shakes her head and drops her hand to her side, rolling her head on the seat to look at me. “Time has nothing to do with the depth of a friendship. I’ve known people all my life who I don’t truly know. Zeke confided in Noah. He thought they were kindred spirits, you know? They were tight.”
I know they were tight and she’s right. Zeke and Noah were close and the length of time you know a person has nothing to do with the depth of a friendship. But all the rest of it is so hard to wrap my head around.
“So Zeke…”Took his own life?I can’t even say the words. They sound so wrong.
Why would he do that? I thought I knew Zeke, but I guess I never really did. Or maybe I just missed the signs. He seemed so full of life. Always planning the next adventure.
But now, the thought of Zeke and Noah being kindred spirits is unsettling. Were they? Does Noah ever have those thoughts? I can’t even bear to think that he would ever contemplate it.
He wouldn’t, would he? Why am I even thinking like this? Noah has always been so insistent that he loves life. But what if that was just another lie? What if…
No. I have to stop thinking like that.
“But why would Noah keep this from me?” I ask. “It’s not like I would have told anyone.”
“Noah didn’t tell anyone,” Everly says, choosing her words carefully. “He told us all the same story. But I knew in my heart. I felt it in my gut.” She’s staring off into the distance like she’s back in another time and place.
“He left me a voicemail the night before. He told me he loved me and always would and at the very end of the message, he said, ‘I’m sorry, Ever.’” Her eyes drift shut, and she shakes her head. “At the time, I thought he was apologizing for cheating on meand I was still too hurt and angry to call him back, so I just let it go, you know?”
I nod because what can you say about any of this? Sometimes there are no words. My heart hurts so much for my friend. Why is life so cruel?
Why can’t love be enough to save someone? But I know from experience that it’s not.
“But afterward I listened to it over and over and I kept thinking that this was his final goodbye.” She lets out a shuddering breath. “It was the apology that did it. I couldn’t shake the horrible feeling that it happened differently than the way Noah portrayed it. I didn’t have the guts to ask him until we were in Fiji.”
She glances at me, probably to see if it’s still a sore subject. “Oh Ever. That kiss doesn’t matter at all.” It’s the furthest thing from my mind. All but forgotten. That’s how inconsequential it was.
“That’s why we both got so drunk. Earlier that day when we were on the beach, I told Noah that I knew, and I was just looking for confirmation. He didn’t want to tell me, but I told him my assumption and I looked him in the eye, and I knew the answer without him saying a word.” She laughs. “Noah is a lousy liar.”
