Page 92 of When the Stars Rise
“Hey. Look at me.” She waits until she finds my eyes. “It wasn’t your fault. I’m glad Dean stepped up to the plate. I’m happy he was there for you and continues to be there for you now. He’s done a fantastic job managing your career. Nobody can fault him for that. So please don’t worry about any of that. Dean and I have made our peace.”
That’s what he said, too, but once again, I’m not sure whether they’re saying it for my benefit or if it’s true. “So you two spoke to each other after Austin?” I ask hesitantly.
“What happened in Austin was my fault and had nothing to do with you.”
I give her a skeptical look. “Really?”
“Really,” she says firmly. “It was about us. Me and Dean and my brother, Landry. Dean and I grew up together, just like you and Noah. He was my brother’s best friend, and the three of us have a lot of history. A lot of bad blood, too. I don’t have a lot of contact with my brother but right before that concert, he showed up at our house and made a lot of wild accusations. I should have known better than to believe anything he says, but sometimes I still forget that he’s no longer the beloved big brother who raised me after our grandmother died. It’s hard, you know? Letting go of the past and all the good memories.”
I nod. “I know.”
She gives me a sad smile. “I know you do.” She sighs. “I was wrong to question Dean, but sometimes it’s hard to let go of those memories, too. Of what we used to have and what we used to be to each other. There were a lot of good memories, but by the end of our relationship, the bad overshadowed the good, and those were the ones that stayed with me.”
I didn’t know that version of Dean. The guy I met was clean and sober, but I can imagine living with a drug addict would be hard, and from the little I’ve heard, it was an abusive relationship.
Which is why Noah has never been Team Dean. His loyalty has always been to his dad and Shiloh.
“But we’ve both changed so much,” Shiloh continues. “We don’t know each other anymore. We only know the people we used to be, not the ones we are now. I wish Dean nothing but the best. But he’s my past. Brody is my present, and my future, and my everything.”
“I’m glad you found each other.” And I mean it. I see the way she and Brody love each other, and I know that a love like that is special. I can’t even picture Shiloh being with Dean. They’re too different and not in a way that complements each other.
“I thank God every day for sending that man into my life. And Zane. And you,” she adds.
I want to tell her that I’m sorry. For so many things.
When I lived with her and Brody, I pushed her away and shut her out of my life. I was so scared that if I let her in, it would be disloyal to my parents’ memory.
Like I was somehow replacing them with the person who gave me up for adoption. I guess I gave Dean more leeway because he wasn’t around when I was a kid, and he never tried to insinuate himself into my life.
But it’s been six years.
Six years, and I’m still stuck in the past, clinging to my memories and putting up walls to keep Shiloh out.
I don’t think my parents would want that for me. What’s more, I don’t want it for myself.
If I want to move on, which I do, I’ll have to find a way to let go of the things holding me back. Starting with Shiloh.
I don’t know what we are to each other now, and I don’t think our relationship can be fixed overnight. But I’m ready to try.
“I’m working on a new song, and I’m stuck on one part.” I’m extending an olive branch and praying she’ll take it because right now, it’s the best I’ve got. “I thought maybe if you have the time, we could work on it together. I would love to get your input.”
Her smile is bright. “For you, I have all the time in the world.”
So that’s what we do. We work on the song, and it feels like a good place to start.
Music soothes the soul and has the power to heal.
Music has opened my heart to hopes and dreams and possibilities beyond my wildest imagination.
Music is life.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Noah
“Look at that.”My dad’s voice is tinged with awe as he points to a golden eagle soaring above the orange canyon wall.
I shield my eyes with my hand to see it better. “Beautiful.”
