Page 25 of When the Stars Rise
“He was.” Sage is another example of someone who lives in the moment and tries to live life to the fullest.
“Should he be diving?” she asks, concern creasing her brow.
“His doctor gave him the all-clear, so yeah, he’s good.” I don’t think anything could stop Sage from diving or being in the ocean. He’s our very own modern-day Jacques Cousteau.
We lapse into a comfortable silence and watch one video after the other. When we get to the skydiving video, Hayley leans in closer, her eyes glued to the screen. Her left boob brushes against my arm, but I don’t think she realizes it. She’s too fixated on the scene before her.
I watch from the corner of my eye while she takes it all in, and I catch the moment she figures out what’s written on my palms. Her lips move, but no sound comes out as she mouths the words.Wish You Were Here on my left palm. Blue Skies Forever/RIP Zeke on the right.
I always send Zeke a message when I’m up in the clouds. I feel closer to him there.
I didn’t grow up with Zeke like Bodhi and the St. Clair twins did, but we were tight.
Zeke was the first person I ever jumped out of a plane with when I was eighteen. Since then, I’ve done hundreds of jumps, but my first jump in Santa Barbara will always hold a special place in my heart.
Not only because I was with Zeke but because Hayley was waiting for me in the drop zone. She raced toward me as soon as I hit the ground and threw herself into my arms.
We’d finally gotten back together again, and I was so fucking high on life. I remember thinking that it doesn’t get much better than this. This is what living is all about. Being in love, taking risks, going all out, and never holding back.
I started my YouTube channel when I was thirteen but shortly after that first jump with Zeke, one of our videos went viral, and that’s when it really took off for us. The travel vlogging, the cult-like following, the dizzying highs and crippling lows, both literally and figuratively.
We were offered modeling jobs and all-expense-paid trips to far-flung destinations with stays at five-star resorts in exchange for some coverage or brand exposure.
“You ever wonder what’s on the other side?” Zeke asked me once. We were in the Maldives, gazing at the stars through a retractable roof above our heads. It was a few days before my twentieth birthday, and Hayley, Bodhi, and the St. Clair twins joined us a couple days later to celebrate. But that night, it was just me and Zeke.
And I knew what he was asking. “I’m not in any hurry to get there, so I don’t spend much time thinking about it. I lovethislife.”
And I meant it. I loved my life. I still do.
But Zeke said, “Yeah, but it’s the last great unknown. Blue skies forever. That’s how I picture it.”
Five months later, he was gone, and I prayed like hell that he found the blue skies he was searching for in that great unknown.
I close my laptop and set it next to me before I angle my body toward Hayley, my gaze flitting over her face. Her eyes are glossy with unshed tears, and she leans over to set her mug on the table before she brushes them away. “I miss him.”
“Yeah.” I nod and press my lips together to stop myself from saying things I shouldn’t–can’t—say. “He was a good guy.” Smart, funny, and always up for a good time. He was a prankster, too. Some of our best videos are of the pranks we used to pull.
On the outside, he appeared to be the happiest guy you’ve ever met. Funny how much a smile can hide.
Hayley lets out a shuddering breath. “I can’t imagine what Everly is going through.”
Yes, she can. Hayley knows how it feels to lose the people you love. She lost her parents. But she’s talking about losing a boyfriend, which probably means her thoughts have reverted to losing me.
Logically, I understand why my choices upset her. I’d have to be heartless not to.
So yeah, maybe I’m selfish for continuing to live my life like I do, knowing how much she hates it. But statistically speaking, driving a car is more dangerous than skydiving, rock climbing, or any other sport I pursue. Unfortunately, that argument doesn’t put Hayley’s mind at ease for obvious reasons.
My eyes find hers, and I speak my truth. “If I gave it all up, I wouldn’t be me.” In my heart, I truly believe that. This isn’t just a hobby for me. It’s my passion. It’s who I am.
She opens her mouth to protest, but I’m not finished yet. “It’s the equivalent of my asking you to give up music. I would never ask you to give up your career, your passion, the thing that drives you and makes you who you are.”
She’s quiet for a moment, contemplating. We’ve been over this same ground many times, and I’ve never been able to sway her, so I’m not holding out hope that today will be any different. “Maybe that’s our problem,” she says quietly. “We’re too greedy and selfish. We want it all.”
I shake my head. “That’s not our problem. We had it all before, and we made it work.” She can’t argue with that because she knows it’s true. We were happy for almost two years. So fucking happy.
Despite all the craziness of her meteoric rise to fame, we made it work.
Hayley is remarkably grounded. She’s not a diva. She doesn’t buy into all the hype. In a lot of ways, she’s still the girl I grew up with.
