Page 130 of When the Stars Rise
Everly shakes her head like I don’t get it. “Hayley can handle a lot more than you give her credit for. So just stop pretending that lying to her and not confiding in her is forherprotection. This is your problem, not hers.” She stabs her finger at my chest. “This is why you’re in the mess you’re in right now. Because you can never be honest with her. God. Why can’t you see that?”
Now I’m starting to wonder if she’s talking about me and Hayley or her relationship with Zeke. Either way, I’m done talking about it. No idea why we’re even having this conversation in a bar.
I flag down the bartender and order a round of beers and tequila shots then motion for the others to join us. As soon as Bodhi sees that I’m buying, he’s by my side in a flash. Cheap bastard.
I hand Sage a beer and lower my voice so the others can’t hear. “You need to make your move before Isla ends up with some douchebag. No one ever gets the girl by waiting on the sidelines. You need to make a grand gesture,” I say with a nod.
“Appreciate the advice but Isla and I are just friends.”
He sounds like he believes his own bullshit. Dude is so deep in denial it’s not even funny.
CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
Hayley
“Noah!”I scream, jolting awake.
I break out in a cold sweat. Fear and dread sink its claws into me and it rises up and up and up until it consumes my entire body. Paralyzes me. Wraps an iron band around my body and shackles me to the mattress.
I can’t move. I can’t breathe. The walls are closing in, suffocating me.
I’m going to die.
My heart is pounding in my throat, and I can’t breathe. It takes me a few moments to realize where I am. In my bed in my house in Malibu. Not in a car at the bottom of a ravine.
A chill races down my spine. That wasn’t just a bad dream. It really happened.
A whimper escapes my lips. Oh God.
I can see it all so clearly now. I know what really happened.
I pull my weighted blanket up until it covers my chest then tuck my arms to my sides and stare at the ceiling as the first rays of morning light sweep across the honey wood floors.
I keep my gaze fixed on the starburst brass and opal glass chandelier, trying to block out the memory but I can’t get it out of my head. It keeps playing on a loop and I’m back there on the night the world burned to the ground, and we were left in the ashes.
It was all my fault.
It was me. I caused the accident that killed my parents.
My chest cracks down the middle and I hear a keening sound that doesn’t even sound human. It takes me a moment to realize that the sound is coming from me.
Sobs wrack my body and split me wide open.
I am screaming, sobbing, my hands clutching my hair and tugging, trying to pull it from the scalp.
“No. Nooooo,” I scream.
I lurch out of bed and stumble to the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl. My hands grip the ceramic, my knees hitting the floor and the bitter taste of bile rises up my throat and coats my tongue.
I slide down and curl up on the bathroom floor, my cheek pressed against the cool white tiles.
I cry until I’m floating in a sea of tears, and I’m so hollowed out and empty that there’s nothing left inside of me except for my aching heart and a mountain of guilt.
“I miss you, Mom,” I whisper, my voice hoarse. “I’m sorry, Dad. I love you. I love you both… s-s-so much.”
My voice cracks on the words and my eyes drift shut as the world goes black.
I open my eyes and flinch at the lights.
