Page 76 of Until August
She was quiet for a moment, her head tipped up to the sky, and I stared at the delicate curve of her neck and at her lush lips as they moved. “I figured something out about myself.” She shifted, leaning her shoulder against the wall. I did the same, facing her. This was our unofficial meeting place where we confided our secrets under cover of night. “And about you. About us, I guess.”
There was anusnow? I tried to hide my surprise. For the past week, I hadn’t exactly kept my distance. But I hadn’t made any moves to initiate a repeat performance either.
I'd held back mainly because I was still testing the waters, and she hadn’t given me any signals that she wanted more.
No, that was a lie. I’d held back out of self-preservation. This had disaster written all over it. “All of this because of a visit from Jonathan Kessler?”
She sighed. “Like I said, I got stuck in my own head.”
“It’s a dangerous place to be. What did you figure out?” I was hoping she could enlighten me because I didn’t have a fucking clue what we were doing.
“Scarlett said that you came into my life for a reason, and I think she’s right.”
That sounded dangerous like she was pinning too many hopes on me. If she was looking for a white knight, she’d gotten the wrong guy. “Nicola, I’m not—”
She pressed her fingers against my lips to stop the words. “Just hear me out. I’m not trying to scare you.” I wrapped my hand around her wrist and tugged her closer when really, I should have been pushing her away. Because shewasscaring me.
“I’m not looking for a commitment, and I know you’re not either,” she said, flattening her palms on my chest. “So why not make the most of it?”
My hands settled on her waist, and she leaned into me, her soft curves molding to my body and the heady scent of orange blossoms invading my senses. “What did you have in mind?”
As if her body language wasn’t cluing me in. But I needed her to spell it out and tell me exactly where she was coming from so there were no crossed signals or mixed messages.
I knew what I wanted, but I wasn’t sure if we were on the same page.
“We’ll have our fun, and when one of us is ready to move on, we’ll part amicably. No harm, no foul. No strings attached. We don’t have to turn this into something it’s not. So this doesn’t have to be a big deal.”
I studied her face to see if she really believed her own words. “You think you can do that? Separate the physical from the emotional?”
“Sure. Why not?” Her tone was breezy as if this would be simple.
But I knew better. It soundedtooeasy.
In my experience, if something sounded too good to be true, it usually was.
Case in point, the time I tried to make quick cash as a drug supplier, thinking I could get in and get out unscathed.
Yeah, it felt a lot like that.
Not to mention that Nicola was holding the power. If she got upset with me or got too uncomfortable, it was within her rights to kick my ass out the door.
Before landing this job, I’d applied for just about every restaurant job within a twenty-mile radius. They were eager to hire me until they asked me to explain the five-year gap on my resume.
I couldn’t afford to be back in that boat again, especially now that I was paying child support and finally felt like I was getting my life back on track.
Yesterday when I picked up Sage, he asked if he could see where I lived. Yet another reminder that I needed to get my own place.
As if I needed more reasons why being with Nicola was a bad idea, I ticked them off in my head.
She was still married.
She was my employer.
She was trying to dig her way out of a dark place and find the light again.
Not sure that a guy who had just gotten out of prison and was trying to rebuild his own life was a suitable candidate for what she had in mind.
A little voice in my head warned me that this wouldn’t end well.
