Page 35 of Until August
She smiled and waved goodbye, and when the rest of the class left and we were alone, she slung the carrier bag with her rolled-up mat over her shoulder and walked away. Just as if she hadn’t noticed me standing there.
I caught up and grabbed her arm to stop her. “Stop playing these fucking games, Sasha. This shit is getting old.”
She sighed and turned to face me, planting her hands on her hips. “Stop lurking outside our house. Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize that stupid truck?”
“How the hell else will I get to see him?” Because yeah, I was that sad fucker waiting outside the locked gate, watching her drive my son to school every morning. All I ever caught was a glimpse of his profile and blond hair as the SUV turned onto the street and drove away. But like a chump, I kept going back for more.
I drew the line at stalking him at school, though. I didn’t want to scare him or have any of the mothers think I was a perv for watching school kids.
“Why did you lie to Sage?”
Her eyes darted to the water. “Because I didn’t want him to know the truth.”
“So you let him think I abandoned him?” I asked incredulously.
“Youdidabandon him.” She aimed her glare at me, then lowered her gaze to the tattoos on my chest—an anatomical heart with Sage’s name and lyrics from a Bob Marley song:One love. One heart. One destiny.
Sasha had the exact words tattooed across her ribs because we’d been one of those couples. The couple that got matching tattoos to declare their love and made vows in a rose garden in the Santa Monica Mountains instead of making it legal with a piece of paper. “You abandoned both of us.”
I opened my mouth to argue thatshewas the one who had abandoned me. She’d completely cut me out of her life—not a single phone call or visit in the five years I’d been locked up. But there was no point dwelling on something we couldn’t change or undo, so I jammed a lid on it.
“I have a job now. So I’ll start paying child support.”
“We don’t need your money.”
“And I don’t need to add deadbeat dad to my list of failures,” I ground out. “I’ll send you a check every month.”
“I’m sure you need the money more than we do, so keep your money.”
I wasn’t sure if disgust or disappointment put the edge in her tone, but her words hit me like a two-ton boulder and flattened me to the ground. “I don’t give a shit if you need it or not. It’s my job to provide for my son.”
“This is that stupid male pride of yours talking again, isn’t it?”
I shook my head and exhaled loudly. Funny how she never had a problem with my ‘male pride’ before. In the past, she relied on me to take care of everything. Guess she had a new man to do that for her now. “Call it whatever the fuck you want. It’s the right thing to do.”
She huffed out a laugh. “I love how doing the right thing is suddenly a priority for you.”
I worked my jaw. I’d always tried to do the right thing for her and Sage. Until I’d fucked up. Big time. And now, I’d never live it down. “Let me see him, Sasha.”
“If I let you see him, how will I explain all this to him?” She tossed her hands into the air.
That’swhat she was worried about? I almost laughed. But the opportunist in me saw it for it was—an invitation to wade in and smooth things over like I always did. “You don’t have to explain anything. I’ll go with your story. I’m here to stay and will do everything I can to prove to Sage that he can count on me. He shouldn’t have to bear the burden for any of that. And neither should you,” I added.
She tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and considered my words. “Sage and I have been through a lot.” When her eyes met mine, I saw the hurt. “We had some really rough years when you were gone.”
I hung my head and rubbed the back of my neck, guilt gnawing at my insides as I scrambled for the right words to make this better. “I’m sorry. If I could take it all back, if I could go back and do it again, I’d do it all differently. But I can’t do that.” I searched her face, hoping she could hear the sincerity in my words. “All I can do is promise I’ll never abandon him again.”
Skepticism and disbelief were etched on her face so clearly that I could almost read her mind.
“Okay, I get it. My promises mean nothing to you now. But you know that all I ever wanted was to love and protect him. To be there for him every step of the way. I’m sorry I failed you. But I can’t undo what’s already been done. Just give me a second chance with Sage,” I pleaded. “I can’t…” I rubbed my chest, once again trying to ease the ache. “It’s killing me not to be able to see him. If you want me to get down on my knees and beg, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything you ask.”
A growl of frustration escaped her lips. “Ugh. Why do you do this to me? God. I hate it when you look at me like that.”
She stomped away, and I trailed her like a lost puppy which was probably exactly how I looked.
She stopped in front of the bike rack, unlocked her bike, and pulled it out of the stand. It was the old-fashioned kind, light blue with a basket in the front, and I couldn’t help but smile. It was such a Sasha bike.
“This bike is the two-wheeled version of Peaches.”
