Page 15 of Until August
My body went rigid, and my hands curled into fists. Sage was not ‘his boy.’ He wasmine.
Before I could stop myself, I was on my feet and striding after them, my heart ricocheting off the walls of my chest as I took in the changes.
Sage looked small for seven and a half, but he was alive and healthy, and the skin that wasn’t covered by a wetsuit was tan. I nearly wept at the sight of him. The last time I saw my son, he was only two and a half, lying in a hospital bed hooked up to tubes. So small and pale. But so fucking resilient.
My boy had been a fighter from the day he was born, just like his old man.
I caught up to him at the water’s edge while he was leaning down to put on his ankle strap. Emotion clogged my throat, and my voice sounded strained when I finally managed to choke out his name. “Sage.”
He lifted his head, and sky-blue eyes considered me. He had my nose. My mouth. His mother’s hair and eye color. He scratched his head and bit the corner of his mouth like this was a pop quiz, and he was worried about getting the answers wrong. “I… uh, sorry, do I know you?”
Shit. Fuck. My son had no idea who I was. There wasn’t even a hint of recognition on his face.
Why had I approached him like that? Not cool. I didn’t want to scare him, so I wracked my brain for the right words.I’m your dad. I was there the day you were born. The day you took your first steps. And the day you said your first word. Dada.“I—”
“Hey, Sage,” the man, who I guessed was Travis, cut in. I’d never met him, but thanks to my Google search, I knew what he looked like. A forty-something version of Val Kilmer inTop Gun. Asshole. “Paddle out with Shane and the boys.” He put his hand on my son’s shoulder and gave him a little nudge toward the water.
Sage looked from me to Travis, nodded, and then ran into the water with the others. The frustration and the helplessness of all I’d lost hit me like a freight train and knocked all the air from my lungs.
I wanted to call him back. Ask him a million questions. Tell him exactly who I was and let him know that not a day had gone by when I didn’t think about him. Worry about him. Hope and pray that he was strong and healthy and that everything I’d done in the name of love had not been in vain.
But instead, I watched him paddle out, my eyes never straying from his small form while he battled the waves to get past the breakers. The other man, Shane, kept his eye on the kids, but I kept a close watch just in case.
Travis came to stand next to me. “You must be August Harper.”
I spared him a brief glance and met his ice-blue eyes before I focused on the water again. “And you must be the asshole who stole my life.”
“I never stole anything from you. Sounds to me like you threw it all away.”
My jaw clenched, but I remained silent, arms crossed over my chest, a sentry guarding over my son. With any luck, Travis would take the hint and leave me in peace.
“He’s a great kid,” Travis said, obviously mistaking my silence as an invitation to converse.
It killed me that he was in a position to comment on my son’s attributes. But, judging by Sage’s reaction, he trusted Travis and didn’t have a fucking clue who I was.
She couldn’t have even shown him some fucking photos to keep my memory alive?
What pissed me off, even more, was that I wasn’t sure if I had a right to be angry. My whole life had been derailed by my shitty choices, and I couldn’t reclaim those years I’d lost. I couldn’t regain the time, trust, or faith that I’d squandered.
All I could do was stand on this beach and watch my son in the ocean, belly-down on his board, facing the horizon. He was talking to the boy next to him, his encounter with me already forgotten. They were laughing, oblivious to the turmoil I was going through.
That was the beauty of kids, though. They lived in the moment.
While I’d been gone, my son had learned how to swim and surf and do countless other things that I hadn’t been there to teach him.
Regret left a bitter taste on my tongue.
“You shouldn’t be here,” Travis said when I made no move to abandon my post.
How many times had I heard that already? I turned to face him and narrowed my eyes. “He’smyson,” I said through clenched teeth.
Something flickered behind Travis’ eyes, and I thought it looked a hell of a lot like guilt. “Iknow that. Buthedoesn’t.”
Which confirmed my suspicion. Sage didn’t have a clue who I was. “What have you told him?” I couldn’t believe I was asking him for information. But here we were. A desperate man begging for crumbs from the man who had replaced him.
How low could I sink?
“I didn’t tell him anything,” he said coolly.
