Page 149 of Until August
Dylan pulled me against his chest again, and all the fight drained from my body. I sagged against him. “What happened?” I whispered.
“Cruz was ready to go,” he said. “But he couldn’t do it with you there. I swear on my life he knew, Nic. He waited until you were gone. And when his time came, he looked so peaceful. He knew it was right.”
I shook my head. “But I wasn’t there for him.”
“Hey. Listen to me. You were there for him in ways that no marriage should ever be tested. You were with him through it all. So don’t think for one minute that he didn’t know how fucking much you loved him. Don’t you ever think that. He. Knew.”
It didn’t seem real.
“I need to see him.”
Dylan stepped aside, and I entered Cruz’s room for the last time. The air had shifted. It felt different already.
He wasn’t alone. Two nurses were in the room, and it looked like they were about to bathe him. His eyes were closed, and he could have almost been sleeping. Dylan was right. For the first time in nearly three years, Cruz looked at peace.
The nurses saw me hovering in the doorway and offered their condolences before they slipped out of the room. When they were gone and I was alone with my husband, I moved farther into the room and stood next to his bed.
I don’t know what made me do it, but I checked the pulse in his neck. And then I put my hand over his heart to confirm that it was no longer beating.
I sank into the chair, my legs too shaky to hold me up.
It was a relief to know he wasn’t in any pain. But God, it hurt so much for the ones he left behind.
“You will be so missed,” I said. “You gave me the best decade of my life. The very best. And I pray to all the saints that you’re in a better place. Because this world was a much better place with you in it. And I will take you with me wherever I go. You will always be in my heart.Always.”
It didn’t matter that he was gone and couldn’t hear me. I just needed to say the words.
I sat alone, undisturbed. The room so quiet. The air so still.
My eyes dry.
My heart broken.
I don’t know how long I was sitting there when I heard the door creak open. I didn’t turn around to see who it was. Maybe Dr. Marcus had come to kick me out. Or Dylan trying to drag me away.
Whoever had come into the room didn’t make a sound and didn’t come any closer, but I could feel their presence.
Finally, I looked over my shoulder.
Frankie was leaning against the door, her eyes on her brother. She crept closer. Her footsteps were soundless. As if she was worried about waking Cruz from a deep sleep.
There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the right words, so I remained silent. She wasn’t here for me. She was here to say goodbye to her brother.
I owed her a few final moments alone with him.
So, as much as it killed me to leave Cruz, I did. He wasn’t here anyway. His soul had left his body.
Scarlett, Dylan, and Rio were talking quietly in the hallway when I closed the door. Scarlett broke away from the men, walked over to me, and wrapped her arms around me. We held on tight without saying a word.
We didn’t let go until Frankie walked out of Cruz’s room only a few minutes later, and I pulled away from Scarlett. I opened my mouth to speak, but Frankie held up her hand to stop me.
“I’m glad you finally put him out of his misery,” she told me. “But I still don’t forgive you.”
She turned and walked away, and I swallowed the apology on the tip of my tongue.
Rio wrapped his arm around her shoulders and ushered her down the hallway. I watched them go. Frankie, so fierce and proud, still holding a grudge, she’d probably take to her grave. I silently mourned our lost relationship.
As the door was closing behind them, Rio glanced over his shoulder. Our eyes met, and he tipped his chin. Maybe he was letting me know that he’d look after her. At least I knew she wouldn’t be alone.
