Page 145 of Until August
I gave him up because I loved him. And I broke my own heart in the process.
Now I had to deal with the consequences of my actions, and I didn’t feel prepared to do that.
My life was already so much emptier without him. But I couldn’t imagine this kitchen without him.
My eyes met his, and I felt like I was drowning in his sea greens. “But where will you go?” I finally asked. “What will you do now?”
He bent his knee and planted his booted foot on the wall, his gaze drifting to the distant cliffs. “I have a few other options.”
Was he lying? Was he just trying to make me feel better?
I couldn’t tell because his face was devoid of expression.
Which, to be honest, was the face he’d shown me for the past two weeks.
Cruz was out of the woods now, and although I knew what I had to do, I hadn’t taken the steps to ‘make it happen’ as Dylan had said all those months ago.
I don’t know what I was waiting for. Maybe it had something to do with August. We weren’t sleeping together anymore but working together was hard, so I understood why he was quitting.
Sometimes I’d catch myself staring at his mouth, longing to feel his lips pressed against mine and his arms wrapped around me.
I’d catch myself moving closer to him when he came to stand next to me at the pass. And then I’d have to sidestep to put distance between us. Whenever our arms brushed or we stood too close, I still felt that magnetic force field around us. Like I couldn’t help but be drawn to him.
But it wasn’t only the physical closeness that I missed.
August was the first person I wanted to talk to when I was having a good day, a bad day, or an in-between day.
August had become my person.
Now we were trying to let go, and it was even more difficult than I’d imagined.
I wasn’t ready. I wanted more time. “You don’t have to leave,” I said, unable to keep the desperation out of my voice. “You can stay. We can figure something out. It will get easier over time, and we’ll—”
“Nicola.” He pushed his hand through his hair and looked up at the sky before his gaze met mine. “It won’t get easier. I can’t keep working for you. It’s not gonna work, babe.”
I knew he was right. Logically, I understood. But my heart had never been logical.
“Luca is ready to take my place. So you won’t be alone,” he said, his voice soft. And I remembered that first night when he said I was an island. On my own with no support.
Until he came along and changed the entire dynamic.
“Luca’s good,” he said. “He’s ready for the responsibility.”
“Luca?” I asked as if I didn’t know who Luca was. “You really think he’s ready?”
“Yeah, I do. I think he’ll surprise you.”
But he’s not you.
I swallowed. I didn’t want to let him go, but I couldn’t stop him from leaving.
He was doing exactly as I’d asked. Moving on without me. So I said the only thing I could. The truth. “I’m going to miss you so much.”
He gave me a smile that reminded me of the time he’d reassured Sage about the trip to Hawaii, even though his heart was breaking at the thought of losing his son. “You’re going to be just fine. You won’t even know I’m gone.”
I almost laughed because that was ridiculous. “The kitchen will feel empty without you. Because you’re so big. You take up so much space.” Not only in the kitchen, either. There was a hole in my heart that would never be filled.
He pulled me close and kissed my forehead before he released me all too quickly. “I’ll be cheering from the sidelines when they award you that Michelin star,” he said, and then he walked away, right out of my life.
