Page 138 of When Wrecked Meets Ruined
I was so deep in my head that I couldn’t go with the flow, so I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Big mistake because suddenly, I felt drunker than I had before. The whole room started spinning, and I was shaking so hard I couldn’t control it.
I couldn’t breathe.
I clawed his shoulders and tried to push him off me. “Get off me!”
I heard screaming, loud and shrill, and thought it was someone else. I was kicking, punching, and shoving, but no one was there. Only air.
“It’s me, baby. Shh. You’re okay. You’re okay.”
Ridge wrapped a thick cotton robe around me, coaxing me to put it on. I threaded my arms through the sleeves and belted it tightly around my waist, then drew my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.
I tried to hold myself together and get my body to stop shaking.
I was such a mess of a girl.
Ridge rubbed gentle circles on my back. “I’m sorry, Evie. I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry. I thought I could do this because it’s you….” I wiped the tears off my face with the sleeve of the robe and left mascara stains on the cotton.
Ridge wrapped his arm around me, and I leaned into his side and put my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beating strong and steady under the palm of my hand. “I’m broken, Ridge.”
“You’re not broken.”
“I’ve had years of therapy. I wrote in a journal, you know? And I thought… I thought I did everything I needed to do to get past this. In theory, I did.”
“You haven’t been with anyone since that night?”
“No.” I let out a shuddering breath. “I was busy with school, and that’s where I put my whole focus. But I guess it was more than that. I was scared. You were right about me. I’m a coward.”
“That’s just some bullshit I said in high school. You’re not a coward. Not even close.” He held me close, stroking my hair so gently that I almost broke down in tears again. Ridge made me feel loved and protected. Like nothing could hurt me if he was by my side.
“I killed a man, Ridge. I stabbed him in the neck, and he bled out on my bed.”
His response was automatic. No hesitation. “It was self-defense.”
“I know. But still.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I have blood on my hands.”
“Is that why you want to be a doctor?”
“Maybe subconsciously, yes.”
“Did he rape you?”
Rape. That was the word for it, wasn’t it? Funny how nobody had used that word. Assault, they’d said, but never rape. “He tried. I mean, he almost succeeded. He had his pants around his knees, and he… I was wearing that ripped denim skirt you used to like. And he pushed it up around my hips, and I could feel him. I could feel how hard he was… like the fight excited him, you know?”
“Fuck. You don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you tonight. I didn’t… I wasn’t thinking straight.”
“No. Don’t say that. I wanted it. I wanted you. And it’s okay. You deserve to know what happened.”
“I don’t deserve a damn thing.”
“Yes, you do. You deserved so much more.” I let out a ragged breath. “You were so good at love, Ridge. You just… nobody’s ever loved me the way you did. You made me feel special. Like I was worthy of love.”
“How could you ever think you’renotworthy?” He sounded angry, so incensed that I would ever consider myself unworthy, and I loved him for it.
“I don’t know. That night… I felt so violated. And he kept saying what a hot piece of ass I was and just talking shit, you know? Inmyhouse. Onmybed. With Wren sleeping right next door. And I fought him so hard, and he kept punching me and punching me, and after a while, I didn’t even feel the pain. I just became numb to it. I guess I thought that since he didn’t get a chance to… put his dick inside me, it didn’t really count.”
“Didn’t count?” Ridge asked incredulously. “Fucking hell. It counts, Evie.”
