Page 139 of When Wrecked Meets Ruined
“I know, I know. I just… didn’t know it would affect me like this. I don’t know why I freaked out like that tonight. I never really thought of myself as a rape victim. I always downplayed the whole Chad Miller thing. Because what was the difference? Was it that Chad was hot and the man who came into my house was vile and disgusting? Was it because I squeezed my eyes shut and let Chad take my virginity even though I didn’t want him to?”
“Jesus.”
“I thought I was fine. Sex with you was always so amazing. We were so good at it. And back then, I never let myself dwell on things. That’s the thing about therapy and being where you don’t have to fight for your survival anymore. It makes you stop and think about all the shit in your life, and the more you think about it, the more you talk about it, the more it piles up, and before you know it, you feel like you’re buried under a mountain of shit.”
I looked up at him. “Maybe you should try it.”
“Getting buried under a mountain of shit? No, thanks. I’ll pass.”
“No. I just mean… you have a lot of your own stuff to work through. A good therapist can help—”
“I’m not the one who needs help,” he snapped. “I’m fine. I wasn’t raped.Twice. And my mother didn’t take off and abandon me.”
“She did, though. Taking drugs was her choice. And the whole Elijah thing and your sperm donor—”
“Stop psychoanalyzing me. I told you I’m fine.” He pulled away from me and sat at the edge of the mattress with his back to me. “The only thing that fucked me up was you leaving.” He stood and walked away.
“Where are you going?”
“To take a piss. Unlike you, I don’t just walk away when things get tough.”
After he got in his little dig, the door slammed behind him, and I fell back against the pillows and stared at the ceiling. I was so tempted to get dressed and walk out the door. But if I left now, it would just prove him right.
My stubbornness prevailed.
I stayed.
CHAPTERFIFTY-ONE
Evie
I heardthe toilet flush and the water running, and then the door opened. I watched him cross the room and stand on the balcony with his hands gripping the railing. Even from here and in the light of the moon, I could see the tension in his body.
With a growl, he turned from the railing, picked up a lounge chair, and threw it against the balcony wall. Not sure what he’d hoped to accomplish by doing that. A potted plant on the table was his next victim. The ceramic cracked, and soil and shards of pottery rained down.
I flew off the bed and stopped in the doorway with my hands on my hips. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Why don’t you just come out and say it? We both know it’s true.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I’m the one who asked you to stay in Cypress Springs. You stayed for me. And that night… if I’d gotten to you earlier, none of that would have happened. Some asshole wouldn’t have tried to rape you. Wouldn’t have assaulted you and beat the shit out of you. And you wouldn’t have blood on your hands. It’s my fucking fault. All of it. I should have been there to protect you. So why don’t you just fucking say it?”
I stared at the plant lying on the balcony. The roots were exposed, and clumps of dirt clung to them. “That’s what you want? You want me to blame you for everything?”
“It’s why you left me, so just say it to my face.”
“It’s not why I left you. I never thought it was your fault.”
“Such a pretty liar.”
I licked my lips and tried to find the right words, but my brain felt fuzzy, and my mouth was so dry I could barely swallow. This whole night had been a disaster. I wanted to hit the rewind button and start over again. But life didn’t work that way.
And okay, sure, I told my therapist that I blamed Ridge for what happened, but it wasn’t true. None of it was his fault.
Ridge took my face in his hands. “Look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Is that why you left me? Because you blamed me for what happened?”
“I told you why I left. I was so fucked up and—”
