Page 63 of When We Were Reckless
I told my dad that I’d already committed to UCLA, so there was no point in trying to talk me out of it. He’d just laughed and said, “I know, Bean. I know how you are. So determined. You remind me so much of your mother.” I’d given him a funny look, not sure how to take that. “I meant that as a compliment. We always said you got the best of both of us.”
It had been a nice evening, so I didn’t know why I felt the need to ask Jesse about Alessia. Maybe it was because I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that my dad was remarrying, which had nothing to do with Jesse. But my relationship with my dad confused me. He’d betrayed my mom, and in a way, he had betrayed all of us. Yet in my heart, I’d forgiven him. Because he was trying. And my good memories outweighed the bad.
And maybe I didn’t understand the first thing about love.
When we left the city limits, headed west as the sun was setting, the sky awash with pink and orange, I asked Jesse, “Why did you lie to me?”
“You’ll have to be more specific. What exactly do you think I lied to you about?”
He’d been in a good mood today, I could tell, and he’d been his old charming self all through dinner, so really, I should have let it go. But I couldn’t. “You told me you broke up with Alessia last August.”
“I did.”
“But you got back together with her?”
He glanced over at me. “Why are you asking this?”
I shrugged one shoulder. Now that I’d broached the subject, I’d have to come clean. “I saw a photo on her Instagram. You were at Shiloh Leroux’s concert.”
He cursed under his breath. “Why the fuck were you checking her Instagram?”
“I don’t know. I guess I was curious.” I chewed on my lip.
Just shut up, Quinn. You’ve said enough already.
But I couldn’t let it go. I needed to know.
“Are you still with her? I mean… Do you still love her? I just…” I took a deep breath and let it out. “I can’t understand how or why you could take her back after what she did to you.”
Maybe I was overstepping. Was it really any of my business? He’d made it clear that he wasn’t looking for a relationship. But we were still friends, right? And hadn’t he been the one to accuse me of lying to him by omission that day we went to the lake?
He drove in silence, and I had all but given up waiting for an answer when he finally spoke. “It’s complicated. The reason I took her back. And no, I don’t love her anymore. She made damn sure to destroy every last ounce of love I’d ever had for her.”
There was no anger in his voice when he’d said that. Instead, he’d sounded a little bit sad, and it made my heart hurt for him. I stared at his profile. We’d rolled down our windows after we’d gotten off the highway, and now the breeze ruffled his hair, made it all messy and disheveled. His jaw was clenched, and the muscle in his cheek ticked. Like he was trying to hold in his anger, keep it in check, and bottle it all up inside.
“What did she do to you?” I asked softly. “Sometimes it helps to talk to a friend.”
He chuckled under his breath. “And you think that friend is you?”
“Why couldn’t it be me? Have you talked to anyone else about this?”
“No,” he said flatly.
“So… you can tell me. I… I showed you my scars. I made myself vulnerable to you and….”
“That was your choice,” he bit out. “I never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to.” He narrowed his eyes on me.
“I know. But… Please tell me, Jesse. Tell me what she did to you. Tell me what happened to you.”
He raked his hand through his hair, his eyes on the road, and it looked as if he was trying to decide whether to tell me. So I waited, giving him some time and space, and I was rewarded for my patience.
“I got fired. I got fired from my team.”
My jaw dropped. Oh my God.
I didn’t want to say the wrong thing or make him regret telling me, so I remained silent. I didn’t know if he would tell me the rest of the story, but I silently prayed that he would. I knew it was important. I knew it was the reason he’d been acting so differently. And it also explained why he’d retired from the sport he loved. Not because he’d wanted to quit, but because his team had fired him.
Which was so unbelievable. Jesse had always been the poster boy for good sportsmanship, so he had to do something really bad to get fired. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I had to know the rest of the story. “Why did you get fired?”
